Underneath a pile of pugs…

It has been a cold dreary day, the kind of day that just kind of takes it out of you somehow. And I just checked with Siri about the weather and she reported that it was 37 degrees, the temperatures are dropping, and snow and sleet are predicted. This is most unusual for us here on the southern coast of North Carolina. We had a snow this year that lasted for several days — this never happens — and now it is predicted again. And it has rained pretty much all day. I feel a bit sunk tonight. I’m trying to just hold steady. These are the last days of winter. Spring will be here in a little over a week. Winter wanted to have one last say in the matter.

I have felt so down I ended up perusing several sites about how the weather affects depression and mood disorders and it surely does. Often I find a rainy day soothing but today I had to go out in it to take Tanner pug to the vet and neither of us was very thrilled about it. It felt good to get home, and I pulled this program up to write today’s blog post and I just couldn’t do it. I took the pugs out in a break in the rain, heated up my cozy neck and shoulder wrap (with lavender sprinkled all over it before heating it, this will make you positively blissy!), and curled up in the big chair with the pugs for a nap. Some days I just rest, but late this afternoon I fell into a deep sleep. We did not get up until a little after 7:30 — the pugs usually have their dinner at 6:30 — and now I am in that kind of foggy state that happens when you have really slept before the time you should really be sleeping and you wake up and the day has passed you by. I can’t seem to find my balance.

Why does the rain make me feel insecure and afraid? Why do my worst fears surface, and a kind of hopelessness creep in? And I have to take the other two pugs over to the vet early in the morning. It is their “spa” day. I can do the bath at home but they charge to do the toenails and will do the bath and clean the ears for very little more so one month Tanner goes and the next month Pugsley and Delilah go. Tomorrow is P & D’s day. But if we get up at 7 and it is snowing and sleeting I will reschedule. I’m not going out in that weather with the pugs. That weighs heavily on me too. Today the rain is like I imagine it must be being covered by one of those weighted blankets. I think one of those would make me claustrophobic, but then I sleep with pugs on top of me so I’ve no need for one. The pugs are a comfort, they’re all I need…

When I say I sleep under a pile of pugs I’m not kidding!

Oh Lordy, I want to write something of substance, something that matters, something that might help someone, but honestly, I’m struggling here. It’s getting late and the window has closed on any kind of real writing that might have value. I am stumbling about here and making a bigger mess as I go so I’ll just stop here. I’m so sorry. Tomorrow is another day…