Okay, well, I’m hoping I have the nerve to post this and not take it down 5 seconds after it goes up. What is happening to me is that it will be one year since the fire in 5 days. And I am just now beginning to realize how very much I have changed, in ways I didn’t realize, in the last year. When you almost die, and finally time passes and you start to get your wits about you, you begin to realize in how very many ways you really AREN’T living at all. And then I thought, well, there is still time to make some changes. Grant it being who I am with my assortment of oddities, uncertainties, still-up-in-the-airness in a whole lot of places in my life, that making any kind of significant changes will not be easy, but damn, I’m still here, and I’m going to be, and I have been hiding from life for a long time, and I am never going to be a big goer-outter, but does that mean it would be impossible for anyone to love me? (It’s okay if, in the comments, you kind of lie a little to boost my ego, you know, saying something sort of like, “Why CERTAINLY someone can fall MADLY in love with someone who rarely leaves her house and is nuttier than a fruitcake.”)

And I know, I know, it makes it even harder because it is only a woman I would be with, one who is settled, grounded (Well, SOMEBODY has to be.), loves dogs, birds okay, no cats (I like them but am highly allergic.), am open to other animals who wouldn’t eat my pugs or grey parrot, no kids at home, is not a party animal, loves art, likes long intellectual conversations, gardening (But doesn’t want to go hiking all over God’s green earth.), is a homebody, loves books and good movies, MUST be passionate about coffee (Tea drinking as an addendum is fine but a fabulous espresso/capuccinno/latte in the morning with really good coffee is the only way I can start the day and I really am at a loss with those who don’t want to have a leisurely coffee in the morning but bolt out the door or have tea, or — and I can’t stress this enough — soda instead.), are social or casual drinkers but don’t consider alcohol a lifestyle (I like the occasional glass of wine but am acutely uncomfortable with those who live for 5:00 when they can start drinking for the rest of the night and then yell and throw things at you. That was one very brief nightmare of a relationship that was supposed to be one of those forever, soulmate kind of things wherein I got rid of pretty much everything I owned and moved cross country. Well, we drove there (1 week), I was there one week, and it took just over one week to drive back. I don’t recommend this to ANYONE.)

No internet relationships unless that is only the way you meet but someone coming here to make it real is possible — I don’t really travel except with a gun to my head and highly medicated. Phone relationships that last nearly 5 years but you never meet are now off the table.

Must be kind, compassionate, loving, gentle, affectionate, trustworthy, absolutely only monogamous, spiritual but not bash-you-over-the-head religious, enjoys a healthy life but is not a dietary extremist who lives for going to the gym. Sigh. Loves gourmet fare even if it needs to be enjoyed on a budget. Loves to pamper and be pampered. Loves to love, is fueled by JOY, can experience rapture doing the most mundane things, just because you are alive, and being together makes you MORE alive, and considers the small moments of the day, the simplest things, the most exquisite moments in life.

Loves creature comforts and nice things but is not materialistic. I love upcycled, recycled, 2nd hand, thrift shoppy sorts of things. Don’t go for brand new, ultra modern furnishings. I am shabby chic (In so very many ways) and my 2008 Honda Element is my idea of a dream car.

I’m not sure if I said this in so many words but if there is someone out there who meets all these criteria AND considers pugs the most exquisite dogs ever born and bred since time began I might even move to Outer Mongolia to be with you. Other dogs, however, are fine, except the pug eating kinds.

Absolutely does not smoke or do drugs of any kind (Except for medications for ailments or madness, I take my fair share of the latter.).

Is (or doesn’t mind if I am) absolutely moony and has huge romantic notions about things like holidays and birthdays and such, i.e. decorating and making the house a cozy, twinkly lighted, fairyland, say, for Christmas, but sees the holidays as loving family and friend times and doesn’t go for the commercialized version of things. Must appreciate handmade things, gifts from the heart, or simple gifts. I prefer love with a bow on it, the greatest gift of all.

There is more but I have already, I am quite certain, eliminated any possible candidates in our solar system, so I will stop here.

Oh, must just be crazy about women with full, motherly, cuddly bodies. Women obsessed with skinny women need not apply.

Sincerely,

… who is now running to hide under a pile of pugs…