We can feel frozen where we are. We can believe that nothing is possible beyond where we are right now. We can feel that we are too old, that we have had our chances in life, and that there is nothing new under the sun for us. We can believe that. We would be wrong.
5 months ago today I started the ketogenic diet. I have not had one bite of non-keto food since I started and though I had thought, and hoped, I would lose weight faster — I have lost 31 pounds as of today — many things have happened to me that are remarkable. I have written about them here a number of times now but to summarize I am no longer in the diabetic range, my blood pressure normalized, I have lost the weight and am continuing to lose, and several inches all over, and I am off psych meds completely. All of this is simply remarkable. The ketogenic diet is not just a weight loss diet. It addresses overall health in so many ways that the weight loss itself is almost incidental. To follow the ketogenic diet is to gain a new lease on life. The day I opened the door and stepped through into the world of keto it was like the moment in The Wizard of Oz when everything goes from black and white to full-blown technicolor because I chose life in a way I hadn’t in decades. I have been on every diet imaginable trying to lose weight, but that’s all I thought about, losing the weight. I did not for a second think about overall health and wellness. Now it is the basis for my whole life. And once you make these changes there is no going back. Go back to what?
And this daily blog experiment has been transformative. I have talked about this many times as well but there is something almost magical about the process, from the very beginning when I had to stretch, some days, to find anything to report that I might find happiness in to today when, despite life’s ups and downs, to go back to a life of bleak, dark despair is just not something I will allow. No matter what it takes I have chosen Life in every way possible, and though I am going through a period when the daily ups and downs without the cushion of medication can be challenging it is as I tried to say above about keto, once you have opened that door to a whole new world you simply can’t bear to go back. And all of this is just the beginning.
Last year, when it was painful every single day just to open my eyes and enter the day, I could not imagine that there could be anything more for me. I had been so far down for so long that being “up” not only seemed impossible but what did up really mean anyway? Even if I could feel better I was in my 60’s, I had come through a devastating time and lost the only financial security I had had so there wasn’t the money to start anew, or so I imagined. I couldn’t see a way to meet someone and have a relationship because what did I have to offer? By this stage of life people have had their career and are on firm footing financially with a plan for retirement, ready to do all of those things they had looked forward to doing all their working life and with the wherewithal now to do them. This is not the case for me and I have felt embarrassed and kind of hopeless on the relationship front. Would it be possible, from where I stand, to find someone who saw enough value and worth in me that these things wouldn’t matter? But I have stepped through the door into this new life and from where I stand I have come to believe that anything is possible.
St. Francis of Assisi wrote, “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” This is the plan I am following. The diet, my health, the medication, the search for happiness, the dedication and determination to have a better life, and to help others, as I find my own way, to find their way too. These blog posts, the videos I am creating, they are a beginning. There is more to come. It is all unfolding in mysterious and beautiful ways before me each day. I have faith, and I believe that there is always so much more possible for us than we ever knew, that as long as we are alive and breathing there are so many wonders yet to behold. They are on the other side of that door that is right in front of us. We simply have to summon up the belief that the best is yet to come and is within our reach. If we don’t believe this how do we go on living?
I think that everyday, when we open our eyes, when we rise from our beds, we have our hand on the doorknob, we have the chance to choose life. I think every day we have to make that choice, perhaps every moment. It can be terrifying but the rest of our life, the opportunities, the miracles, the possibilities are all on the other side. Will you open the door and walk through to the other side, or will you slam it shut and turn your back on all that you might have and be? Every day now I open the door and step through, never knowing what I will find, but being certain that if I don’t I will be allowing this precious gift of the life given me to ebb away. I choose life, today, in this moment, tomorrow, always. I choose life. I choose life.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
remember judy collins song? “open the door and come on in, i’m so glad to see you my friend, you’re like a rainbow coming around the bend.”
amen!! open the door, we are the friend we’re greeting, right?
thank you maitri — to think you’ve been writing this for 171 days, no matter what.
you are a devotee to life!
xo
ka
Ah dear Ka… Judy Collins… those were the days when music really meant something, weren’t they? I miss the music from back then. And my dearheart you are always like a rainbow coming round the bend, every single time you show up here, every text you send me, every letter, rainbows everywhere… 🙂
And yes, some days, like today, I struggle with a blog post and feel I have fallen short, but I do my best and get it up here and out into the world because it was a promise I made myself and I will not break my promise, it may not matter to anyone but me but it was a pledge I made to myself and I will follow through, and it feels good to do so, and each day builds on the next. It is becoming something, I don’t know what, or perhaps it is building something inside of me, in any case, yes, here I am, 171 days and counting. And on I go.
Thank you again, as I say over and over and mean so deeply, for being here with me honey. You have made me feel not alone, and it means the world to me…
Love,
M. xoxox
Oh my, after the last few weeks I so needed this wonderfully upbeat post. Life has been difficult lately since my mother in law fell in her apartment due to alcohol abuse. In Icu she was pretty out of it. As she got better her stubborn streak went on high gear and she fought everything. She went to rehab at a lovely place but she resisted the thought of therapy after co stay frgjsals and of course showing no progress insurance company gave us 3 days to move her out as they would. Not pay any more. We got home from our wonderful rejuvenating week in Cancun on saturday and learned on Tuesday she would be out Friday. Fortunately we could move her to a non rehab bed there at $200 a day ehile we scramble to get medicaid filed. You see, she never saved money csuse she didn’t think she would live that long as everyone in her family was gone by 60. She is 83. She frequently told us to just let her die. Enough… just wanted to thank you for being the rainbow breaking through the storm clouds. Oh yeah, this past monday i came down with type A flu. My two sweet ferrets have it too and are miserable and it’s scary. So your uplifting post was wonderful. Thank you for the reminder that all I have to do is open the door. What I find may at first seem a trial but in fact is a new adventure. I should have said this thank you long before. I’ve been trying go conquer life alone too long.
Oh Paula I am so sorry to read about all of your trials with your mother in law. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. And oh I hated to hear that both you AND the ferrets were down with the flu. I didn’t know animals could get it? I am already praying for all of you and I hope you get well really soon. But I’m so happy to hear that you and Kevin got a vacation in. I bet it was lovely. I hope you had a wonderful time.
I’m so glad that you came by and that the post helped you in some way. And it is so good to see you here honey. I have missed you and I have hoped you were well. You have some challenges at hand now, I pray they will pass soon.
With so much love…
Maitri
I have missed you and the gang too. I feel very out of touch. Kinda curled up in my nezxt for a while. Prety stressed. I feel sorry for my babies, especially the big boy who is the second love of my life. He gets sneezing attacks and he likes to sleep under the ramp to the “upstairs” in the cage and when he sneezes, poor tyke hits his head on the underside of the ramp.I appreciate your prayers and thoughts. I am just about over it except for a raspy cough. Love you all and promise to be here more. xo Oh, and yes, Cancun was gorgeous. We did a helmet dive and walked on the bottom of the bay with the fishies. Got that one off the bucket list. LOL
Oh honey the poor little thing. I hope you are ALL over this mess soon. And gracious, Cancun sounds amazing. I never heard of a “helmet dive,” I don’t know what that is? I’ll have to look it up! And walking on the bottom of the bay, wow! I’m so glad to know you had such a marvelous time. I hope you have many more…
Take care honey. 🙂