The Days, The Hours, The Moments: Day 39 ~ Shifting Focus Yet Again…

And so I am shifting once again. I hate to do it, to not be consistent, but this new title for this 365 day project will fit better, will hold it all. The thing is there are, of course, “precious moments,” a great many of them. But the deeper truth is that life is made up of all kinds of moments and the fact is that since the hurricane hit here on September 14 altering all of our lives here forever, and for some time to come, and then losing my little Delilah, dealing with ongoing mental health challenges, well, I cringed every time I saw the words “These Precious Moments” because so often what I was writing about simply wasn’t. I have been writing about heartache, loss, grief, and the struggle just to be alive, as well as the tender precious things. This is life, life holds it all, and the only way to survive is to go one day, one hour, one moment at a time. It is the only way I am still alive. It better represents what this blog journey is all about.

In an hour I will be on the way to the doctor. I have serious issues with my feet ongoing because I have very serious neuropathy in my feet (The doctor said “On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, your feet are an 8. You have at risk feet.”) In the last week or so they have been badly swollen and one is discolored and looks bruised. This is not good. I am afraid and the doctor is getting me in this morning. I have lost 60 pounds so far, I haven’t been in the diabetic range for a year, my blood pressure is now normal, so many good health changes with the ketogenic diet which I am absolutely strict about but I know I lead far too sedentary a lifestyle. When I still have so much weight to lose, when my feet are compromised, I can’t even walk for exercise. I have a stationary bike and I have fallen away from using it. I don’t know if this is a circulation issue with my feet or what but I’m scared. So today this is part of what I am dealing with. (Please hold a good thought and say a prayer for me if you can. I’m scared about this.)

These are the days, the hours, the moments of my life. Hurricanes come and little dogs die and health challenges arise and still there is much beauty in the world, there are dear friends, my precious children and grandchildren, there is work that I want to do in the world, the “slow stitching” projects I am about to embark on, my darling little dog Pugsley sleeping and snoring beside me. Don’t think for a moment, given yesterday’s pain-filled post, that I am all gloom and doom, that I don’t appreciate the good things, because I do, but I will be honest about what I am going through on any given day because I believe that through my writing honestly about what I am going through I can reach and touch and help others feel less alone who are also struggling. To that end when I open the first level of my Patreon page with daily short videos the first level will be called “You Are Not Alone.” I want, more than anything with my work, to reach out and touch a heart, hold a hand, and help others feel less alone in this world. It’s what I try to do here on the blog. And to that end I have changed the name of this project. It won’t change again because this new title will hold it all.

Thank you all, so much, dear friends, for bearing with me as I have found my way. The difficulty came because I had to launch right into this new 365 day project not more than a week or so after the hurricane and my whole life had been turned so upside down and I was so traumatized I couldn’t see clearly. And so much has happened since then, and still I launched right into this next 365 days because I had said I would and because, really, it helps me to show up here and do this. I have had to shift the focus a couple of times to find the right fit, and this is it. Now I continue on, one day, one hour, one moment at a time. Onward I go…