The Summer of 2013
I will never forget this summer, the summer of my fifty-ninth year, the summer when I realized that if I didn’t find my way soon I might not find it at all. I have struggled with many things in my life but now, alone, no parents, no husband, no one to count on except myself, I have to learn to sail this ship or watch it sink. I am going to make it because I must. I am going to make it because I’m not a quitter. I am going to make it because I need to prove to myself that I can. I am bi polar and every day is an uphill battle, but I win the battle every single day, one day at a time. Like Sisyphus I will continue to push the boulder up the hill, through the hours, moment by moment, and I will not let my unruly brain chemistry rule my life.
I will write this book and in the process I will be tending the whole of life here at Dragonfly Cottage, the pugs and the parrots, the garden, my writing and my art, and all who enter here, whether in person or from around the world, through the auspices of the world wide web where a great many friends and loved ones reside, having come into my heart and home through this heretofore unheard of means but now not only commonplace but part of the intricately woven fabric of my life. I am a soul-tender, a heart-mender, and now I have to heal my own, weaving the two poles of my brain together with herbs from the garden, bits of fiber from my spinning basket, a bit of pug hair and a handful of colorful parrot feathers, a few dangling participles that are lying on my desk, and a bit of dust from my pastels for good measure. I am going to find a way to build a life that I can manage, that can sustain me.
In this, the summer of my fifty-ninth year, I will be tending grace in every direction, through prayer and planting, through writing and art, through the love of my sweet animals, and in the corners of this cozy cottage where I have come to retreat from the world, and as I do I will make notes here for all of you because I know that everyone has days and times when they are swallowed up by fear, and I know that life is filled with uncertainty, and most of all I know that as long as I keep writing I will have notes to put in bottles to float out to all of you. You are safe, you are sane, you are whole, you are beautiful, you are perfect, divine, you can climb mountains, you can fly. You can, and so can I. Consider this a love letter from Dragonfly Cottage, take from my story what you will, gather the pieces that have resonance for you and put them in your basket. We can walk down the lane together filling our baskets with what helps each of us move forward, or get up out of bed one more day. I can do it, so can you. Let’s get started.