The emptiness inside where my tiny Delilah lived is so painful I can barely breathe. And here is my little Pugsley beside me, crying, laying in her spot. We two are both suffering terribly.
I have looked online for hours and hours and the only one little dog that spoke to my heart had already been adopted. It was actually a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel mix and he was precious. What I want is a pug, I know I said I wouldn’t get another pug and I’m afraid to but that’s where my heart goes, but the rescues that have them have seniors or pugs with health issues, and I can’t go there. I need a healthy younger dog, not a puppy, just a healthy dog. If someone approached me with one today and it was a calm gentle soul that would be a good companion for my Pugsley I would be so relieved. I’m not ready but he is breaking my heart.
And then there are things in my life around which I need to make decisions, one thing in particular, and yesterday I was ready to make a decision that I may later have regretted. It’s too soon to make any kind of big decisions. In the middle of the night I realized that I just need to concentrate on trying to survive this, and trying to find a little one to join our family, someone who can bring Pugsley comfort and companionship and, when the sad day comes that my boy is no longer with me, a companion for me. If I had to wake up here one morning with no dog I would be in such acute pain I would be at risk. There is no doubt about that. My therapist knows that. We both need for this to be taken care of.
Right now I am trying not to make big decisions while at the same time trying my best to tend what needs tending, to hold this small boy in my arms and kiss and cuddle him. We are clinging to each other now. I don’t know how to survive this. Of course, yes, I will, somehow, but in this moment it doesn’t seem possible. I am holding it together only because Pugsley needs me. I am going to put this short blog post up and get in the recliner with him. We need to be as close as possible. We need to hold onto one another.
There is no way to bear this easily or well. I am doing neither. But I am holding on for Pugsley. I will hold on for him.
I wish there was something I could do or say to help but there isn’t. All I can do is send you hugs and hope your search finds you the perfect new little member to your family.
Dear Maitri, I surround you with much LOVE as you go through this heart wrenching pain. Just know this. Much love to you also for being shown and receiving your new companion.
Jean
Love, peace, and comfort to and Pugsley, Maitri. You’re both in our prayers.
Maitri, I know how it feels to lose a part of yourself (cause that is what animals become: parts of yourself). I just wanted to give you a very big hug!!
Mieke
a little dog is waiting so patiently for you to find him/her. please go to the shelter. at least look and see if your companion is there hoping to be adopted into your little family.
and hang in there, sweetie. you are alive and here for more than pugsley, trust me.
xo
ka
Sending love and hugs and wishing for the very best for you and little Pugsley. xxx
I’m so very sorry for your loss–I just know that with Tanner and now Delilah, you heart is breaking all over again. Even Hurricane Florence couldn’t rip that big a hole in your heart. Love to you and Pugsley.
Thank you all so much. I’m so sorry that I don’t have the energy to answer each of you as I normally would, as you so deserve, but I just don’t have the strength. Blessings and love to each of you. Forgive me while I get through these hard days…
Maitri
One thing you don’t need to do is get through this easily. You feel too deeply, wrestle with too many issues for that. None of us can ease the path forward, but we can surround you with love. And we’re doing it
Dearest Maitri… my heart is crying for you at this moment.
Every word you right is beautiful and raw… the love that you have for your human wanna be companions is so deep. The earnest and longing in your words are very deeply embedded into everything that you right.
I so hope that you find that you find that special companion that you and Pugsley are longing for.
Hugging You With All That I Can
Maitri,
You will need time to ease through this difficult pain. We all understand your grief as most have been there also. I have confidence that your next companion is waiting for you to find him/her. You and Pugsley deserve a friend to share your love with.
Gentle hugs that hold you in my heart.
Lauren