No.
No, no, no, no, no….
Inasmuch as I appreciate Facebook, and it has given me much, I have made dear friends there, it is NOT the place you should find out that one of your closest friends died. At 5:30 yesterday afternoon I saw a “notification” “from” my friend Joseph. But it wasn’t from Joseph. It was from someone I don’t know notifying all of us who knew and loved Joseph and were his true friends that he had died, last Wednesday, at his parent’s home. That’s all it said, that he died at his parent’s home last Wednesday.
What?
No, Joey no! (He often told me I was the only one he let call him Joey. We were friends for nearly 30 years, incredibly close friends, brother and sister type friends, who talked, for many years, every single day.)
The thing is that something happened in the last few years. We were still in touch. He called me on my birthday April 30 and we talked for hours. We talked again midsummer. We were in contact on his birthday, August 10…. and then nothing… and now he is gone.
I am so devastated I am simply gutted. He was my sweetheart, my Joey, and I had to find out on Facebook, and it’s not okay.
Maybe this is okay for some people today but it is not okay for me. I am so upset I can barely breathe. And when I called his phone today, to leave a message for his mother whom I know, hoping she would get it and know that I am here for her and to leave my number, I heard his voice and I nearly dropped the phone.
My Joey is gone. And I found out he died on Facebook, and it is not okay.
I am so very sorry. Lifting you in prayers .🙏🏻💓🙏🏻
Thank you Audrey…
Oh my dear Maitri, NO it is NOT ok to find out about your friend’s death on Facebook! How horrible. Simply horrible. I am so so sorry. This would have rocked my world too. All I can do is send you much love and compassion. I am so so sorry dear Maitri. <3 <3
Love, Jean
Thank you dear Jean…
I’m so sorry Maitri. That’s a shocking way to find out such heartbreaking news. Joey had a dear friend in you! Sending you much love. xxx
Thank you Jenny, he was my sweetheart and I am indeed heartbroken. Call me old fashioned, as I surely am, but you are NOT supposed to find out that someone you loved died on social media of any kind. Just no. Sigh…
it is so very sad that this is an “easy” way to “let everyone know” and not have to dig up addresses and write cards from joey’s old address book. not have to research everyone’s e-mail (at the least)… i remember when my mom died, we did look thru her address book, which was copious with names, some crossed out (the ones who had died) new addresses of assisted living centers where old friends had moved, etc etc. and we hand addressed cards and enclosed our tribute to mom, with a beautiful photo, for each one. it was the right thing to do, and it also gave us happiness to realize that’s what Rose would have wanted, to be personal, to reach out in the most human way possible (short of hand-delivering the note in person). how i wish that is how it would have happened for you maitri. i wonder if those days are over. if people don’t want to bother with stamps, and handwritten cards anymore. “hey, facebook, a perfect solution!” is what someone thought. how i wish a mourning dove would have come to you with a calligraphied card in its beak, and dropped it at your feet. joey would have liked that. ok, honey, sending hugs, as always
Thank you Katya honey and what a beautiful tribute to your mother indeed and yes I think those days are gone by and it makes me so sad. And the whole thing with calling his number — I didn’t know how else to try to leave a message for his mother, Noni suggested it — and hear his voice like it was just another day gave me a terrible jolt. There is much to be said for the online world but oh my the things we have lost…
Wouldn’t a different way be lovely, indeed? But we live in a different time.
Yes Lisa it is a different time indeed but it still makes me very sad…
Maitri,
I agree. It is not okay, but it seems to be the way of the world. It is so bad, when I share private things with family now, I always preface my words with ‘do not post this on Facebook’.
Unfortunately, it is how everyone stays connected. For those of us that appreciate a personal note or a personal call, it is a sad state. Especially when you hear about someone you loved – someone you were so close to.
Sending you extra warm hugs tonight. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much dear Maggie. The loss would have been a terrible heartbreaking shock anyway but finding out like that, well, like I said, it gutted me. I know it is the way people share all kinds of news these days and I have found it unsettling to find out other things in this medium instead of directly but it is the first time that I found out about someone dying that I had been close to for so long and I am having trouble getting over the shock, to see those words, like that, that Joseph had died. It still doesn’t seem real in one moment and then just breathtakingly devastating in the next. What a sad testament to our times.
And honey I know you had a loss last week too. I am so terribly sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug. These last several weeks have really taken a toll. Lord have mercy. Peace and rest, we just need some peace and rest…
Oh my, no way to honor Joey and the dear friends, you and others are. I do feel how this can feel—–the loss is so great. As a new facebook “friend” I am honored having your grief shared with me while knowing your pain. I am grateful for you and Joey feeling the beautiful beings you are. Embracing you with Love, compassion and courage,
Thank you Magdalaena, you are very kind…