I knew these days would come.
I didn’t know they would come this soon but I knew they would come.
These are the days when your mood dips, unexpectedly, and kind of takes your breath away because of a sudden change in elevation. All is not lost, by any means, but it’s one of the harder days.
I made myself a promise one week ago. I promised myself that I would do this project for 365 days. I started on a day when, after months of ceaseless depression and anxiety and many changes in drugs and dosages I had a lift, much sooner than I expected, a greater sense of well-being than I had had in time remembered, and I felt that I was on my way up to a better place. But I have been slipping these last days. I will not, however, give up on my project, and perhaps my being honest about the struggle but continuing on in the face of it all is the most important thing in this experiment. Can a lifelong depressive with a basket full of difficult diagnoses find happiness? And if so how? And what does it look like? And how does one stay steady on the days it is, overnight, unexpectedly harder? One just does, that’s all, at least this is what I am choosing to believe.
I did all the morning things, the dogs, coffee, and I sat here ready to do this blog post, and I searched through thousands of free images to find one I could use here, and I never really found what I was looking for, but then I saw this beautiful butterfly, resting on the window, and I thought that yes, resting is a good thing. Showing up and holding the space and continuing on, knowing you won’t give up no matter what, is an important step on the journey, on the search for happiness. No one laughs their way through life, but one can show up, say hello dear friends, I’m thinking about you today, I am holding a good thought for you and I am wishing you well. I am okay, and I will be okay. If you are having a hard day you will hold on too, you will make it, this is huge for us today. Don’t give up on the hard days, remember that showing up is just absolutely excellent, it is positive ground to build on.
I am smiling a soft gentle smile at you, it is a little smile, but it is full of hope. That is what I have to offer today, I hope it is enough. I will be back again tomorrow, I will continue on. Tomorrow is another day…
Love,
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Showing up is a big thing, a very brave thing. Thank you Maitri! Enjoy your latte and your pugs, and I hope the rest of your day will be a good, restful day. I’m sending much love to you. x
Thank you so much Jenny honey. I had a nap with the pugs. It helped. And now I carry on. I hope you had a good day too honey…
Keep on keepin’ on Maitri! Love your blog.
Thank you so much Suzanne, it means so much to see you here. And I appreciate your kind words so much. I hope things are going well for you honey. Did you move?
“Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always
beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may
alight upon you.”
— Nathaniel Hawthorn
Hugs!
Oh that’s lovely Margaretha, thank you so much honey. I’m sending you a hug, and so much love…
in endless summer
a waft of something stirring
could it be a breeze
could contentment come
just from a hint of coolness
i’m going to find out
xoxoxox
ka
Oh Katya this was just lovely, thank you so much for sharing this with me today. I hope a feel a hint of coolness soon. That would be lovely… <3
Such a peaceful beautiful photo of a butterfly. Peeking in or out of the window. When I was young there was a painting hanging over the piano called, The Blue Door. It was a wonderful curved door standing ajar, and you could just see a bit of the out of doors. When I practiced my piano, I would imagine walking out the door and go on an adventure. A couple of times I imagined I could fly like a butterfly. ahh the day dreams of youth.
Truth be told I still day dream ~ and sometimes I’m in flight!
Oh Barb how lovely! And I would love that picture of the blue door standing ajar, it lends such “scope for the imagination” as Anne of Green Gables would have said. I can just picture it. Thanks so much for sharing it with me honey… 🙂
Wishing you a gentle day and evening, Maitri 💕
Thank you so much Moira, it’s lovely to have your gentle thoughts with me. I appreciate them so much…
We have a beautiful large butterfly painting done by my neice who does art for a hobby. It is bright, vibrant colours from purple to blue to orange to red. It hangs in my bedroom and really cheers up the space!
Oh that sounds lovely Joan. Butterflies give one a sense of hope, and of the lightness of being. What a lovely thing to have in your bedroom. I know it must bring you happiness and joy. Thank you for sharing that honey…
Hi Maitri. So good of you to just keep on – even on a hard day. Thanks for that beautiful butterfly. Some days the view of such a tiny animal can light up your day. Hope you had a nice restful day. Indeed, tomorrow there’s another day.
Sending a smile back to you!
Thank you so much Corinne, you don’t know how much your kind words mean to me. Sometimes just showing up is the bravest thing we can do. I am determined to keep on keeping on, one day at a time. Much love to you dearheart, thanks so much for dropping in… 🙂