“Knitting With Her Little Loves (Lily and Theodore the pugs and Millie The Cat)…”
I have tried drawing and painting while listening to podcasts. I even tried while listening to music. Neither is right. I need to draw and paint in the silence so I can hear what Anna is saying to me.
In the beginning I thought that I would be telling my story, through Anna, sharing what I wanted to share through her, omitting what I didn’t want to say, and embellishing a little. I thought I would be writing and illustrating a book for women midlife and beyond, my usual target audience, the tribe of women I am a part of and feel closest too, but as I listen to Anna she begins to tell me that we need to go a different way.
Anna is now a woman of indeterminate age. Not young or old, simply a woman living her life in the world. Maybe a bit of a quirky life, but in the end aren’t all of our lives a little quirky, even if they don’t look so from the outside in? Admittedly, ahem, some of our lives are a little quirkier than others! But in the ways in which Anna’s life is quirky I am developing such a tenderness toward her, and I am feeling more compassion for my own life in the process. And I have daughters and friends in their 30’s and 40’s as well as friends in their 70’s, 80’s, and beyond. I want Anna to speak to all women. That feels right.
And then there is the process of drawing and painting Anna’s life. I had thought, originally, that I would do a new painting each day but that is not possible. I need, first, to take my time drawing the picture. There is a lot of detail. It takes time. And I have to sit quietly and listen to what wants to come through. I thought that Anna would have two pugs like I do, and she does, but she also wanted a cat. And in this drawing instead of a shelf full of books she wanted plants there, and some of her yarn. The whole thing felt as though it were teeming with life. Had I been listening to a podcast while I was drawing it wouldn’t be the picture it became. It is a very thoughtful process, this whole business of creating Anna’s world, and the story that will be told in her book to go along with the pictures is something I am thinking about too. I need space to think because I am not just making pictures, I am telling a story.
And then I did something bold on Instagram today. I have never messed with hashtags. They seemed burdensome and I never cared for people’s posts that seemed to have 176 hashtags after them, it seemed a blatant act of self-promotion, and I have always really done Instagram for myself, like a diary, the moments of my day. But now I am venturing into the world of hashtags because I have found that when you are doing a thing and you use hashtags you connect with like-minded people, there is a communal feeling, and surely writing and making art are communal acts. I like that. So I have used hashtags about Anna and drawing and painting but today I took a bold leap into saying something outloud, something that has been in my heart for 5 1/2 years since I started drawing my Ladies in The 100 Ladies Project.
I wanted to write and illustrate a book but I didn’t have the confidence, I was afraid, I didn’t think I drew well enough to do it. Well today, after I finished the painting at the top of this post, when I was adding a few hashtags, I put #illustrator! I felt shy, and kind of giddy, and all can-I-really-say-that? And then I just went for it. I am writing and illustrating a book, I am a writer and an illustrator. Lookie what I did there, I just put my dreams right down there in a public place for all the world to see. That is what we have to do with our dreams. We have to claim them, we have to name them, we have to begin.
And here’s the thing… I could not have done any of this without having done this 365 day experiment. I was just talking to a friend about this on the phone this afternoon. And as I am getting ready to start the next 365 day project and having invited other people to join me with their own project and work alongside me there has been a lot of discussion. What should I write about, they ask? What kind of project could I do? And I tell them this. It doesn’t matter what your project is, it could be anything if it’s meaningful to you. The real power is not what you are writing about but in showing up to do it at all, everyday, without fail, no matter what happens.
I have written, over the last year, in the throes of anxiety and depression, when I wasn’t feeling well, when I was exhausted from barely sleeping the night before, or when it was very late and I was very tired but I wouldn’t go to bed without getting a post up. I wrote when my beloved Tanner pug died. I wrote through countless things I would have heretofore thought were very good excuses not to do a thing. This last year I haven’t allowed myself to do that. Now I’m not saying something couldn’t occur that would prevent me from writing. If I were very ill, or some terrible life emergency happened, it might cause me to miss a day, but if I did I would simply pick up with the next numbered day when I began again. There would still be 365 days, but it would have to be something extreme to cause that to happen, it hasn’t happened yet.
And the thing is not allowing myself not to write, keeping a very firm commitment to my daily blog practice, for it becomes a spiritual practice, anything does that you commit to daily and deeply, has changed my life. It has given me confidence in myself and my abilities across the board. I can decide to do something and do it. That sounds so simplistic but I can assure you it is not. This practice has affected my life across the board in every conceivable area of my life. Committing to drawing and painting and recording my journey of doing Anna’s book over the next year ahead could never have happened had I not done this.
I would not have begun teaching again. And after a lifetime of being on every diet known to modern woman, and a member of Weight Watchers so many times I lost count, and having been at one point almost 400 pounds, well, I will be celebrating my one year anniversary on the ketogenic diet next month. I am down 50 pounds and counting, have had a number of amazing health benefits because of this diet, and while I did go back on medication for 10 days I have been off psychiatric meds for over 8 months. I credit the diet for all of this. And I have never been able to stick to any diet in my life. I know that this daily practice of blogging, showing up every day come what may, has reinforced my ability to do a thing and stick with it. It is truly the most remarkable thing I have ever done. And so I have named my dream, I have claimed it, and I am going for it full stop!
I hope you will consider joining Anna and I with your own project. We will be starting on Monday, September 24, the day after I complete this current project. I will share some tips and hints along the way about how I did this, or things I’ve learned but it is up to you to find your own way as I did. We are each on our own journey but we will be companions on the journey. You can share your links to your blog posts here when you comment on mine. There is strength in numbers. And you are not doing this for anyone else but yourself. As you launch your project you will be naming your dream, claiming it, and giving it life in the world, and you will be changing your own life in the process. I can attest to this, it has been a miracle for me in my life.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Maitri,
Transformation is a sneaky little nymph I think. Since I told you I am joining you on this 365 day journey, I have noticed a mindshift. First of all, I am telling everyone. By doing so, it becomes part of everyone’s awareness of me. No hiding it away. When I snap pictures on my phone and have memories pop into my head, I think about what I would write about that moment. As emotional things come up for me, I embrace them and find myself crafting words to describe what I am feeling.
I am not trying to name my dream right now. I am simply deciding on a name for my blog and that is it. I hope as things happen organically, like cream, my dreams will rise to the top. I am anxious to explore my life. Isn’t that funny – that I feel the need to explore my own life?
Congratulations on claiming the title ‘illustrator’. Some of us knew it all along. 😉
Darling Maggie, transformation is a sneaky little nymph indeed! 😀
(I love that turn of phrase by the way!)
And I love that you are fully embracing this 365 day project, isn’t it exciting? And you don’t have to name the dream up front. You know when I named the current year’s project a search for happiness I wasn’t claiming a dream, I was searching to see what might be possible for me, a woman who has struggled with mental illness all her life, bipolar with serious depression, anxiety and PTSD. Would it be possible to be happy? And what would it look and feel like? I really didn’t know. And I didn’t write about happiness everyday anyway, I showed up and wrote what was in me to write that day and it was all part of the journey. Committing to the 365 days is creating a container for what will happen during the time that you create that body of work, and in a way we can “name it” but it will do with us what it will. It is a mysterious, magical, intriguing prospect and there’s no way you can tell ahead of time what’s going to happen and that’s part of the fun. Like I said the other day I have soft little dreams about what the year ahead with Anna might bring, but in the end what will happen will happen, further I believe what’s SUPPOSED to happen will happen. I can’t wait!
And you made me smile at the end there. It’s nice to think other people might see me as an illustrator. I still kind of blush and giggle when I say that. Maybe one of the gifts of the next year’s project will be that I can completely embrace the title. That would be a lovely thing indeed…. 🙂
oh i love this image of anna: KNITTING AGAIN!!! and i can’t wait to meet her cat. will it be a big orange tom? or a fluffy white persian? hmmm…. yes, committing to a daily practice, for an entire year, is something to be immensely proud of. and encouraging others to follow suit, being a role model, is a powerful step forward. you talk about wanting to appeal to women of all ages, not just “growing into elder status” ones — but each one of us is all ages, all we have been — babies, toddlers, children, teenagers, young adults, on up to the present silver hair and precious life experience….
you will write from all of yourself, and you encourage us to do so too.
congratulations on anna’s quirky life, drawn to perfection (wabi sabi perfection of course!)
xo ka
Katya honey, Anna’s cat is in this picture, around her neck! She was also facing front in the picture a couple of days or so ago. She is a yellow cat with orange spots when you see her from the front and her name is Millie. 🙂
And yes we hold all the ages we have ever been but as I draw her I am not making her “look old” or young or whatever. She is just herself, as she is, and in my mind she is timeless.
And thank you so much. I am having so much fun with her, and of course she is wabi sabi. As my dear friend Jeffrey always asks, “What else is there?” Indeed! 😀
M. xoxox
oh so that’s a cat around her neck! ok, got it!
Yes! 😀
Hi Maitri! i have be reading your blog on and off for many months now- not quite from the beginning but almost. Your challenge to join you in a new 365 experiment was exciting to me. I am at a cross roads, I know. So many projects started and not finished. The desire to create, but the fear that it will be crap. I told myself in August (my birth month) that I will spend time finishing things. Months ago (maybe even before I started following you) I tried to begin a blog. I went to look at it today. It needs work- but I think I actually published a post https://onceanartteacher.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-experiment.html. So I guess I will be joining you ( and Maggie above?!) in this new venture. I will learn how to add more photos and niceties as I go along rather than waiting for it to be”perfect” Thank you for the inspiration!
Dear Lorraine,
Your blog looks lovely, you’re off to a good start! I would be delighted to have you join all of us who are undertaking a 365 day challenge and remember it is only one blog post, one day at a time. If you just look at it that way it will be doable. I had trouble finishing things too but staying the course with these 365 days has built my confidence and my ability to do it and it feels so good to have done it. I think you will find it an amazing journey.
Sending blessings and a hug to you dearheart…
Maitri
And hugs to you!
🙂
I love your illustrations Maitri, they’re all so comforting somehow. Anna has such a great stash of yarn! xxx
Thanks Jenny I’m so glad you are enjoying my art, that means a lot to me, and yes, she surely has a nice stash of yarn doesn’t she? 😀
I am feeling a bit boxed in by the idea of having to do the project every day. And so I am allowing myself the freedom to see how this unfolds for me. I have always been a free-flowing person. That is my style. I may or may not post every day. It might actually be every few days (is that OK?) But I love the idea that there will be accountability. My daughter signed me up for Storyworth where they give me prompts to write about memories. I’ve been really bad at responding, even though when I do it is such fun! So I know those weekly prompts will be a part of my journey. And I’d like to create some “art” as well. Do I have to have a blog? Or can I just post pictures etc. here? Sorry for the plethora of questions… Beth
Okay honey first of all let me be clear. I simply said that anyone who wanted to join me in creating their own 365 day blog project could join me and work alongside me with their own project. This is very important to me. It has to be a deep commitment to 365 days to do what I am doing BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO WHAT I AM DOING! You can do whatever you want, in whatever way works for you, but if you are going to follow along with those of us doing this particular thing it is a definite, daily, 365 day journey. If that doesn’t work for you do what works for you in your own way and time, that’s good too. We must all do what works best for us.
And I don’t know what you mean by prompts? There will be no prompts. I am not here to teach people (I will be doing a paid course in guiding people to do this eventually and that will be a whole different thing.) This year I’ve just said people can do their own project too and when they come to comment on my blog they can share a link to theirs. That is the accountability factor. Once you commit, announce it to the world, and publicly share what you are doing the accountability factor takes place. I will share some thoughts along the way about how I’ve done what I’ve done but I won’t be giving prompts etc. Each must find their own way.
You have all kinds of things you want to do and that is fine but what I asked about, again, to be clear, is if people wanted to create their own 365 day blogging project along with me as I do mine. That’s it, period. You can do anything else you want to do on your own in any way that works for you.
I think I was confused by the original post. So I guess that this is not what I was looking for, but I know it will be a wonderful experience for those who do take part. In the meantime, I will continue to follow your posts on FB. <3
Okay honey sorry for any confusion. Were you maybe thinking of my Sunday Night Writing Group? There are prompts there but it does require a serious commitment to be there every week unless of illness etc and registration is currently closed with a waiting list.
Thanks for following and good luck to you with whatever you undertake! 🙂