First of all I just want to say that if you don’t have a back up power cord for your phone RUN, don’t walk, and get one. It’s what saved me. Especially if you don’t have another phone. Now in my case I do have a Vonage phone for emergencies (I pay less than $7 a month for it.) but I seldom ever use it. It has most often come in handy when I couldn’t find my cell phone and called myself so I could hear my cell phone ringing, but I usually always have my cell phone right next to me or in my pocket. However like last night it helped when my phone company needed to talk to me on another phone so we could fiddle with my cell phone. And we had to do a lot of fiddling. I did however realize last night that if my cell phone had gone dead I’d still have been sunk because ALL of my contacts/phone numbers are in my cell phone, not my Vonage phone. I am going to get an old fashioned paper phone book and write them all in there. This is something essential and which I think we don’t think of.
The crazy thing about what happened last night was that I went to charge my phone — it was still at 70% but I never like for it to go down low — and it wouldn’t charge and I got a nasty little message saying that my phone did NOT recognize the device. (Power cord) This of course made no sense to me because it is the power cord that came with the phone, it never leaves my desk or gets used in a sketchy manner, and it had worked fine that morning as it has every single morning since I got the phone in April 2017. It worked, and then it didn’t, and I found out that this can happen and it can happen suddenly. At first I didn’t even think about the back up cord because there hadn’t been a problem with my cord hours earlier (Or ever!) and I thought it was the phone itself. They had me get on the Vonage phone with them and try all kinds of things on the iPhone. In the end it was decided that the cord itself had gone bad and they are sending me, free of charge, a whole new charging cord + the wall plug part just in case. I only have a back up charging cord because after I gave up cable tv a year and a half ago I found that I could watch my news programs and other things on my iPhone which of course takes a lot of the battery charge so I got an extra 10′ long cord so I could sit in my recliner and watch the news on my phone. It is what saved me. If I hadn’t had the extra cord I’d have been up a creek without a paddle. Please do make sure you have an extra one!
The thing is I became quite unglued when I couldn’t charge my phone. I think being older and living alone makes one feel quite vulnerable especially as night comes. If I fell, if I got sick, if I needed help, and my phone didn’t work I don’t know what I’d do. As I said, the Vonage phone, which is supposed to be my emergency backup, wouldn’t help if I didn’t have the phone numbers I needed. I am actually on hold for my phone company again to see if there is some way I can get my phone contacts on the computer to download and print out. And here’s something else and I am sharing this here because these are things we need to know and I don’t. At my age I’m used to thinking about the days when we dialed “O” and got the operator who could help us get a number, or dialed 411 for information. And I know that I can dial 911 for emergencies on my cell phone but what if I had to use the Vonage phone? I’ve no clue. We need to know these things. I am checking into these things today as well as ordering an inexpensive paper phone/address book. Okay, I just ordered a paper address book + talked to my phone provider and found out how to access the contacts for my phone online as an additional backup. (And no you can’t just print them out easily because you have to click into one contact at a time to get the number. I’ll have to write them all in my little book when it comes.) I’m getting there.
I spend so much time being afraid. Afraid of living alone. Afraid of not knowing what to do when things go wrong in the house. Afraid of all kind of things. I want, now, to try to find out as much as I possibly can so when I need to handle things I know what to do. That has been part of my job for today.
I know these kinds of things are pretty routine for most people, they are not for me.
I just got up the nerve to contact someone about repairing the arms of my recliner where the stitching is coming undone at the ends of each arm. It’s pretty bad, it’s looked awful for some time. But I’m going to get the arms repaired and then I found a company that uses a natural, non-toxic citrus cleaner that will clean my recliner and the other chair in The Cozy Room where people sit when they visit with me. These things are huge for me. There are so many things that need to be fixed here, especially outside and it is all so overwhelming and then of course money is a factor but I need to inch my way along and figure out how to get some of these things done because it makes me afraid of my own house. I said to one of my dearest friends yesterday, well, I actually made a little 4 minute video so she could see what things are like here, the deck is filthy and needs badly to be powerwashed and even painted but that’s far too expensive a job for me right now. One of the shed doors is broken, My green gated fence where the garden is is rotting along the bottom and it and the pink fence need to be fixed and cleaned. After the fire I kind of gave up. This used to be a darling cozy home. Now it is a house where I essentially live in 2 rooms more or less. I don’t know how to make this house feel like a home. It makes me feel lost.
There are a lot of things I need to do in my life, a lot of things I need to figure out, but in the year ahead I want to inch my way through all of these practical things that frighten me and try to find my way. It’s hard to plan for big life things when you live afraid of handling the things that are right there in the house where you live. I think I need to make friends with my house. I think I need to figure out how to live here. I’m making a list. It’s all so overwhelming I barely know where to begin. But now, today, I’ve made a plan for having my contacts in my phone transferred to a paper book where I can always see it, and I have contacted someone about repairing my beloved recliner where the dogs and I rest and sleep (and hide from the world when we need to). And the 2 chairs in there will both get cleaned. It’s a place to start. I don’t know what will come after that but today I started taking a few baby steps. For today it is enough.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Oh Maitri, I can so sympathize. Being alone scares me so bad I can hardly think about it. I wish I had lived alone a bit so I would know how to do those things if I had to. I know what it feels like to be afraid a lot too. My heart goes out to you. You are brave. I know what else can you do. One step at a time dear is all you can do.
I’m glad you figured out your phone problem. Yes we all need to have our contacts written someplace. I need to get on this. Thank you for the heads up.
Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself you’re doing well. Because you are, fear or not you are doing it!
Love, Jean
Thank you dear Jean and yes, it is a quandary. I’ve lived alone for a long time now, since 1999, but for the first few years even though we were separated my husband, now ex, would come over and help me with things. And then there were people who would help me but life goes along and people go away or get really busy. Now my dear Rachel helps me with a lot but my son doesn’t live here — that’s really hard for me for so many reasons, sigh, I miss him so much — and there’s some things you need a man to do physically. And there’s some things you need money to do which is not easy for me, and there are some things you just need to know WHAT to do. Interesting that Victoria said below this should be my next year long blog journey, figuring out practical things, and that might just not be a bad idea! I think there are a lot of us who are afraid and need help or will potentially need it in the time ahead. Maybe if I can make it a project to figure out these things and find ways to get them done I could help others by writing about it in the year ahead on the blog. This blog experiment will be finished in late September. I can’t believe how fast that will be here!
And isn’t that just the thing? Afraid or not these things have to be done. And like Marie Forleo said, and it’s on a post-it note here on top of my computer, “Everything is figureoutable.” I hope that’s right, because I’ve sure got a lot to figure out! 🙂
Love you too Jean,
Maitri
Early in our marriage, I took care of paying the bills and little fixes. During my deep depression, I handed everything over to John because I just couldn’t handle it. (He also hid my little tool kits because he has OCD.) Now, about 30 years later and with his health issues, I realize that I don’t know anything! Not account numbers, not passwords, not even how many bank accounts and where they are located. I cannot believe that I let things go and let him “take care” of me. I have asked him to write things down and he has said that he would but I have also asked him for decades to make a will and he has yet to do so. Some days, he is so sick that I stay awake all night just so I can check on him. I have to change the dynamics in this relationship because we owe that to our kids. My dad has everything written down…one copy hidden in the house where we are the only ones to know exactly where and one copy with his lawyer. I am afraid to keep asking John to tell me these important things because he thinks I am planning on his death (which I am but not in the way he thinks).
This is a very vulnerable time…this closer-to-the-end-than-to-the beginning. You are so brave and so honest in facing your vulnerabilities. Thank you for sharing.
Oh Karrie honey, I’m so sorry. You’ve been through so much and are facing such hard things in your family now. Please know that I am holding you very close in my heart and prayers. I hope that John comes through these health challenges and that your family finds a way through it all.
I am hugging you close and sending you so much love…
Maitri
Practical Maitri to the rescue! you ARE your own best friend. Look at you, figuring out how to make things easier for you, so you’ll feel safe and “in control.” and yes, room by room. each room is asking, “How do you want to live in me?” take your time. Just listen and sit in that room and quiet yourself, and hear it talking to you.
The lovely colors in your house were so inviting, in that video. I saw what was beautiful, not broken. And yes, it can be overwhelming, my haiku garden is always in need of my care, and there’s not enuf of me to go around. So i do fifteen minutes five times a day, and that works pretty well. Or even fifteen minutes twice a day. But let my garden give me its beautiful gifts, that’s why i HAVE a yard!
I picture you winning a free pressure washing afternoon, where everything is washed, and then suddenly someone comes along who wants to repair the fence and deck…
Treasure map now. You are so creative, and capable.
sending hugs, and thank goodness that mercury retrograde didn’t totally paralyze you/things, and that your phone came back to life, pronto!!!
Thank you so much dear sweet friend, you were so kind about the little video I sent you. I was feeling so overwhelmed and scared and sad. But before I was able to think much about your kind note to me the phone cord went out! There went the rest of the evening! And so life goes, doesn’t it? And yes, inside the house I’ll go room by room, outside is more of a challenge. There’s so much to do out there and it requires so much more in work and money than I am able to do. And that just overwhelms me all to bits. I don’t know how to figure it all out but one bit at a time. There’s no other way.
And you keep envisioning the free power washing! Wouldn’t that be lovely, the whole house need to be powerwashed + the deck and fences. SARK says we should say to the Universe, “Miracles find me NOW!” I’m saying it! I’m ready for some miracles! 🙂
Love you honey,
M. xoxox
Do you have an Interfaith organization in NC? I would be willing to bet that they, or someone else, offer a Minor Home Repair program for senior or disabled citizens. Perhaps Rachel could help you with the research.
On a different note, I believe you’ve just found your blog theme for the next 365 days, as you chart your journey through Practical Matters. 🙂
There are days when I would love to be alone, and in relative solitude, since there would ba a cat or two to keep me company. I would insist.
Oh gee Victoria I didn’t know about interfaith organizations doing such things. I’ll look into it. And you know what, I think you may have just come up with a good idea for the next 365 days! I actually jotted something down about it on the Notepad on my phone so I don’t forget!
And ah, when you live with other people you can dream about solitude, Lordy did I ever when I was married and raising my little children and life was so busy… but then… you get it. And there are surely aspects of it that are wonderful still, and in the early years it was a revelation… but the year goes by, and solitude can often give way to loneliness. And that is very hard. And it all falls to you, everything, and every day you wake up alone and you go to bed alone. Of course I am not completely alone, my pugs, my sweet babies, my darlings, and here with me and sleep with me, I couldn’t live without them, but you know what I mean. Someone who looks at you and talks to you and can share things with you. And now I know that I can idealize living in a relationship in the way that you can idealize solitude, because we neither of us are living in these things. The grass can look so much greener from the other side…
Thank you for the wonderful suggestion for next year. I just might do that… 🙂