“My mind is a bad neighborhood that I try not to go into alone.”
Anne Lamott
That may be the most important quote I have ever put on this blog, and it is certainly profoundly true, and it is why it means more than I can rightly express about why when you take the time to comment (And I not only answer everyone thoughtfully and from the heart but if you comment you should come back, not just to read what I have written back to you but often other commenters will answer you too, or you will have sparked something for them that they will have responded to. We all get lost in our scary neighborhoods.) it means the world to me. I cannot stay in this neighborhood alone. I will go stark raving mad if I do.
And I cannot say enough about Anne Lamott. I have loved Annie’s work for so long I can’t remember life before her. I have her physical paper books (She is one of the few people’s books I will actually buy now, money for books being in short supply), but some years ago I bought an audio version of Annie reading her own work and I was smitten. The way she reads her books aloud is mesmerizing. Now I buy both the paper version and the audio version and if I can only buy one I will get the audio version. Audible books is one of the greatest things around for this reason. I have lost count of how many times I have listened to the non-fiction books she has written these last several years. And look for podcasts with her online and on YouTube. There is just so much Annie-goodness out there. And her Facebook page is something you want to keep track of. Here is a post I just shared on my Facebook page that she published yesterday as an example of the wonderful long posts she writes there that help keep me sane and help me make sense of this mad mad world.
Some days, like Saturday, I wake up so filled with anxiety, so afraid, feeling so alone and near despair, that reaching out via these blog posts and people’s comments back to me here literally keep me safe in the bad neighborhood that is my mind. Living in this “neighborhood” is also the reason why I want to venture out into the world a little more, to be around other living beings, to try to make friends, even just to expand my horizons a little more. And since I wrote about it yesterday and because I know people are wondering I did indeed make it to the Stitch and Bitch meetup yesterday. What I will say is that the yarn shop was adorable as was the sweet woman who owns the shop and runs the meetup, the people there were all lovely, couldn’t have been nicer, I’m glad I went, but it just wasn’t what I was looking for. And the parking downtown in the historic district which is now heavy with tourists and will be until fall was so awful that after having circled the block numerous times I had to use a pay parking lot which was $10.50 for the 3 hours, prepaid. I was horrified but I had no choice. I simply cannot pay $40 a month to park somewhere for the weekly meetings. So, glad I went, won’t be going back. I am not giving up, however, on finding an outlet to meet people and make friends, it will just take time.
The thing is I have a lot of connections online at this point, what I need are real life, in person relationships. I’m not looking to go out left and right, I am no party animal, but a friend or two or a warm friendly group of people who feel like “my people” would be such a boon in my life. Driving home from the meetup yesterday I was wondering about that, just who are “my people,” what does that mean? The people there were absolutely lovely, truly, but didn’t create that spark in me that I have felt in years past at certain times, that feeling where you love being there and can’t wait to go back, or maybe a spark that happens with a certain person you meet there. I’m not talking about a romantic spark, I’m talking about when you know, just know, that you have met someone with whom you were destined to be friends! And then my daughter put it succintly when she said, “You are looking for artsy, funky people.” Yes. And maybe kind of old hippies, and not just old hippies but old hippies! I see a group where people on the “young” side are in their 50’s. One of the things I notice when I see groups advertise in town is that they are all so young, teens, twenties, maybe 30’s at the oldest. You see I have children that are 35, 38 and 41. I am looking for my peers. Artsy, creative, funky, old hippie types who are my peers or older. The one woman I loved meeting yesterday was in her 80’s, but she was very quiet and didn’t stay really long. And what kind of group do you look for that has artsy, funky, creative, old hippie types who are my peers? I just haven’t a clue and I surely haven’t seen anything in this town that sounds like it fits this criteria. And I am not so narrow minded that people who don’t quite fit this criteria wouldn’t fit in, but this would be the overall feel that I would be looking for.
May Sarton used to quote a poem that she loved. I wish I could find it to share it’s source but I cannot. The line I have remembered and carried with me for a very long time is, “Be they near or be they far would I where my people are.” I have found people who are far, people online, lovely people, many whom have become dear friends and acquaintances, but a person needs some who are near, too. I don’t know how to find my people.
In the end the truth is that most of the people I know and love and have interchanges with will be right here, online, through this blog, or Facebook, or email. And know that if that is you I cherish and appreciate you more than you will ever know. And if you will take time to write to me here you will be helping me to stay safe in this dangerous, scary neighborhood that is my mind, you will be helping to save me. Write to me here and I will write back to you, we will save each other. In this often cold and scary world we can do that, you and I, we can manage that, can’t we? Let us try…
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
I’m so pleased you went along yesterday and it’s ok that it wasn’t the right fit for you. Somewhere out there your new friends are waiting for you. In the meantime all your online friends are here, rooting for you 😊
Thank you so much dear Moira, I appreciate your kindness, friendship and support so much. Just now I could use a hand to hold, I hope you don’t mind if I hold yours… 🙂
Most definitely Maitri 💕
🙂
Dear Maitri, you did so well to go to the Stitch and Bitch, even though it wasn’t quite what you’re looking for. Those parking charges are steep! Maybe you’ll find a bunch of “artsy, funky, creative, old hippie types” during your adventure in the library, wouldn’t that be great! Hugs. xxx
Thanks Jenny, well I am proud of myself for going. I think the going was more important than whether I kept going back or not. I will be going to the library tomorrow. I just got a notice that the last book I reserved has arrived at the library so I can get them tomorrow. I don’t know if there will be artsy, funky, creative old hippie types there or not but I’ll be glad to have the books! That’s a big adventure in and of itself for me! 😀
That’s so good that you got out there and gave it a try; finding your people is not easy for those of us who aren’t especially outgoing and who are looking for that “spark” of friendship…I looked for it all my life; from the time I was about 5 I remember being drawn to certain people, but because they were always older than me, it was never balanced even if there was any sort of connection. I came close a couple times, but didn’t find that true soul-friend connection til I was in my late 40s. Get out there when you can and it will happen for you, too….you have such a warm heart and I’m sure the right person or people will see that….hugs!
Thank you so much Lynne, I hope you’re right. It’s hard to know what kind of place to go to meet such people. I have gone to a couple of different churches over the years, went to a book club, went to this meetup. It’s not easy for me to go out to begin with and it took a lot of courage for me to go yesterday. I hope I can find the right thing. And you are very kind, I appreciate your encouragement and kind words so much…
Its hard getting out to meet people you resonate with. I used to do volunteer work when I was younger and not saddled with disabling conditions. I met my best friend there and we had a glorious friendship for years. I also used to attend a group run by a naturopath and had an informal friendship with her sharing many good times. Since these people have died in the past few years I now have been alone. I am planning on getting out more but I am in a semi-regional district so its almost in the country. I have the same irrational fears and do long for the type of friendship that is meaningful and “just clicks”. I don’t have a car so it makes it even more difficult. I know unsolicited advice is not always welcome but have you thought of going to a goddess conference or attending a gaia based spiritual group? I am seeing women in their 70’s doing overseas tours and attending gatherings. Lots of artsy people go 🙂 Just a suggestion
Leeanne honey, I think I recognize in you the same kind of longing I have in my heart to find the right people to connect with, to find real communion. I wish you luck in finding that too. And I know what you mean about the Goddess groups, I have seen some of that online too, but I don’t know of anything like that here in my area and I am not able to travel outside of my area. I am keeping my heart and mind open and hope you will too. One day hopefully we will each find new friends…
Thanks Maitri, you are a good person and deserve the kind of friendships that make you feel whole. I hope something shifts for you soon. I really understand how you feel. I guess its just about getting out there and a dash of fate being thrown in. I can’t get out far due to my health conditions and even then, like you I feel anxious around people, so its not easy. I hope you are having an easier day today, maybe one day circumstances will favor us both. Much love xxoo
Ah Leeanne you are so dear, we both deserve the friendships our hearts desire. I will hold you in my heart with good wishes that you find soul friends who can bring you much happiness. I am hoping for the same for myself. And love to you too dearheart. And a gentle hug to you…
Maitri, I wonder if your library has any group program with the types of people you are interested in. I only say that because the small library in my neighborhood seems to attract artsy, funky people among others. And, libraries do offer many kinds of programs. Some people also seem to meet up just by sitting in the reading areas. You just never know…
Joan there is much I will learn about this library. I will be going tomorrow as I got a notice late this afternoon that all of the books I reserved are now in. I am very excited to get them. I will keep everyone posted about what I learn there. And thanks for the info. Good to know! 🙂
Dear Heart,
Perhaps your or some of your people may not be human. You love your pets so very much. Is there a park or such there that is like a dog park? Remember my Conk, he was such a dear friend that was always there for me. And you know how we played his game of hide and seek. There are so many of my people in nature. And some humans that may be your people too. Sending you a huge hug!
-Raven
Thank you dear Raven and yes my beloved animal companions are the beings that are closest to me in my life now. They whom I wake up with each morning, go to sleep with each night, and with whom I spend my days. I do not for one moment underestimate the power of my animal companions in my life. I’m glad you had dear Conk. Who do you share your life with these days?
And I am sending you a big hug too dear Raven. I hope all things are well with you…
Maitri
I am so happy for you that you made it to the meeting! Hurray for that adventure! Oooo that parking was a real chunk of money……do any of the stores validate? It might be worth asking the shop proprietor in case you decide to return- even just for some supplies. Some areas around here do that= doesn’t hurt to ask. I love that you said “old hippies” – I do believe I qualify- but the Wilmington I live near is in Delaware.. I do understand about finding your people, tribe, whatever we want to call it. It seems that we all face that dilemma more than once, at various times in our lives- and that our tribes do change and shift. Keep looking, keep open. Haven’t found the right tribe for me either yet……. and I do enjoy sharing here. On to the next adventure, Maitri!
Thank you dear Lorraine and yes, I am very glad that I went even if it is not the ultimate answer for me, it was very important that I went, another step forward into the great unknown! And no, they don’t validate parking tickets. Parking is a real racket in a tourist area, there’s no getting around it.
And yes, old hippies indeed! Finding our tribe is such an important thing isn’t it? And not easy, especially as we get older, and if, like me, like so many, going out into the big world a lot is not something that comes easily. Tis a puzzle, a mystery, a quandary. I trust that I am moving toward some kind of answer, even though I can’t see it now. It is as Anne Lamott wrote in her FB post yesterday, a quote I have always loved and which is pertinent here…
“Life is always like E.L. Doctorow’s great line about writing, that it is like driving at night with the headlights on—you can only see a little ways in front of you, but you can make the whole journey that way.”
My headlights are on, and I am inching along. It will be interesting to see what lies ahead…
good old anne lemott. she always comes through. thanks for including her post.
at this point, the neighborhood in my brain isn’t scary, and i hope it never is, but i am all too aware that this has become true for so many (isolated, shut-ins, ill, divorced, widowed, etc)….
in a little old funky town near my favorite st. george island, there was an awful wildfire and many families lost their homes. these are not rich people who can buy another.
these are tired old fishermen who can’t fish like they used to. my daughter called crying about a fund they were setting up, to which we will contribute. you know all about losing everything in a fire. as an architect, she wishes she could help rebuild, fearing that yankees and developers will say good riddance and build more awful (gentrified) condos….
this is the world we live in. AND, we also live in a world of many generous and caring individuals, with good hearts. it’s hard to find balance at this time, but that’s what friends help us with. i love libraries. my library here is my 2nd home. they do offer all sorts of programs. i hope yours does too. we all can’t wait to hear about your adventure tomorrow.
keep on truckin!!!
Ah yes darling Ka, Anne Lamott’s writing has seen me through so much, I absolutely treasure her, and her Facebook writings are amazing
Oh, I am SO sad to hear about the wildfire in the little town near St. George Island. Heartbreaking, and I understand all too well about the devastation of the fire. I was “lucky” in that I had insurance which rebuilt the house. In the midst of terrible tragedy and heartbreak there was that and I did truly appreciate it. I hope there may be a solution for these people.
And yes, as Annie Lamott write always in her pieces, there are the terribly hard things right next to the beautiful and good things, the dear people, loving and kind, our friends, who make it all okay somehow. You have long been that for me, and all of the people who kindly comment here are that to me. I appreciate you all so much.
And yes, tomorrow I go to the library! I can’t wait to tote my bag of books home tomorrow, what bounty! And to see what all is at the library. It will be an adventure indeed, I will keep you all posted and let you know what I find out!
And truckin’, indeed! 🙂
M. xoxox
Hello! Loved this post! Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 🙂
I feel that you understand me…. Maybe we can connect somehow (I favor pen and paper but let me know…) Jennifer Schiffer jlschiffer75@gmail.com
Oh Jennifer honey you are so kind to think of me but I simply don’t have time to connect with people in that way. I don’t know if you’ve read today’s post but I am laid up with an injury and doing all my work here in this recliner. The best way to connect with me is via my Patreon community. You can check it out here: http://www.patreon.com/maisiesworld. That’s where I respond and am in community with my women’s circle of patrons, friends and supporters.
Take care honey, I’m so glad to meet you.
Blessings,
Maitri
Oh Maitri I want to be an old hippie too! I’m old now so if I’m gonna do it I’d better.
Thanks for Anne Lamott. I keep forgetting about her. How could I? I don’t know but I have some of her books and I love the link you posted.
I know you are too far away from Asheville but that is the town with old Hippies and probably any kind of group you’re looking for. We live south of there and we don’t like the traffic. I wish I was brave enough to drive there and test out some groups. I am sure they are there. I wanted to live closer but Hubby wouldn’t hear of it. He blames taxes but I wonder.
You are so wonderfully brave to have gone to the Stitch and Bitch. I am so proud of you. Really really proud. I do hope that you find your tribe where you can visit in person. I know how this online group is so important too.
Here’s to old Hippies. I hope you find yours.
Much Love, Jean
Oh Darling Jean, old hippie indeed! 😀
And yes, you know in the early 80’s my husband and I wanted to move to Asheville but he could not find a job there. We ended up in Roanoke, VA which we loved, built a solar house in the mountains, and were the happiest we had ever been. But his company closed and we had to leave Virginia and our beloved mountain home to move here to Wilmington. We never intended to stay here but life goes on, time passes, and here we both still are although not together anymore. And it is too late to move to Asheville, that ship has longsince sailed. But I absolutely know that the kind of people I am looking for are there.
And thank you, I did rather feel brave going to the Stitch and Bitch yesterday and I was proud of myself for going, I really was. I think it was an important step forward even if it was not the right fit for me. It was important that I went. And I will keep searching for the right group and I trust, in time, that I will find it. I will not give up on my old hippies!
And I am sending you so much love dear Jean, and a big hug. I hope you are at peace this night, and yes, Annie Lamott is a real treasure…
Maitri
In so many ways, your plaintive cry to find a niche is my own. I so identify. I don’t knit or crochet although I have taken lessons…reading instructions to make anything are all Greek to me. But I am drawn to Fibre Arts. I want to make pictures and splash my feelings on my creations. But I don’t do it. The same with my drawing or watercoloring. Despite having all the tools to make something, I don’t do it. The best skills I have are reading (I am a dynamic researcher) and talking. I wonder if I am not a Sanniche…an Irish storyteller? Memarge
Ah Marge, I hear the plaintive cries of so many, I pray we each find that perfect niche, the perfect tribe that is our own, but how? I just don’t know…
And Sanniche? Oh I love that, and I have never heard that before, how wonderful. Have you read Clarissa Pinkola Estes? She has written so many wonderful books, she is a cantadora as I have been in my life, a storyteller, teaching and healing through stories and words. It is a gift. Perhaps you should start a storytelling group where you are? It is a thought. I hope you find what you are longing for.
Much love and a big hug to you…
Maitri
I think the word is spelled Seanchai and pronounced Shawn akee. They’re the Celtic story tellers. I’ve heard of Clarissa Pinkola Estes and someone gave me a copy of her book…the title had to do with wolves? I haven’t read it yet. 🙂
Ah well I will have to look into that, I’m fascinated. And yes, Women Who Run With The Wolves is the title but she has many more that are about older women that I love. She’s extraordinary!
I can relate my dear friend! You know I’ve been on a quest for the past two years of finding a tribe here locally. Especially a tribe of my peers. I’ve created a community of sorts. At first my tribe was in the elders in my neighborhood. Finding peers has been harder. Peers that are artsy funky like me anyway. But I’ve gotten together with 4 people my age so far and out of those 4 only one that seems to want to get together more frequently. Tiffany. But really my friend circle is expanding. There are numerous people in my neighborhood I enjoy spending time with. It’s fun to go visiting them and have them over too. As my time allows I am going to do this way more frequently. I wonder if you may be able to find any kindreds in your neighborhood? New ones that move in can be scary, but also great opportunities. Community can sometimes be found right on our street. Wishing you all the best. Too bad we aren’t neighbors!!
Bekah of course I know too that this has been an issue for you as it is for so many others. And of course I have very dear friends like you who are not in my peer group and I don’t value you any less because you are not in my older age group peer category. You know how much I love and treasure you. But there is something, as you know because you have been longing to have contacts in your peer group as well, about finding someone who can understand where you are because they are there too. That is crucial, and life affirming, and so helpful if we can find it. May we each journey on and find these relationships in our lives.
Just now I am on my way out the door to go to the library. I will see what this experience brings. Just now I am afraid but I reserved 9 books I am very excited about getting and they are the carrot before the horse kind of impetus that is getting me there today. We find our way one day at a time. I hope you can get together with Tiffany soon and have a lovely time…