Glorious Hibiscus Moscheutos
This morning I was out in the garden with the dogs before 8. I photographed my beautiful hibiscus and a rose just starting to bloom again. It was a wonder to be out in the yard that early. In the last few years I have walked out on the deck with the dogs and waited for them to go out to the potty and come back in. Today my glorious, huge hibiscus beckoned and out I went. Something in me is shifting, I have been fighting it for some reason, but this morning I gave in and got up. I’m glad I did.
When I was young I was definitely a morning person. I loved early mornings. And when my children were young and we were homeschooling I would set my alarm for 5:00, creep into the kitchen and make my coffee, and then settle back into my study to read and write for 3 hours before the kids got up. But after my marriage ended and I was alone my Circadian Rhythms went topsy turvy. I had a very hard time sleeping at night at all. If I went to sleep at 3:00 a.m. that was an early night. Often I was up until dawn. During those years I would sleep until noon but I never liked that because I was starting my day so late I was out of sync with the rest of the world. In the last few years I have gone to sleep between midnight and 2:00 a.m. and been up between 9 and 10. Now things are shifting again. I have been fighting the change and I don’t know why. I am beginning to give in.
Last night I turned out the light before 11. This was unusual for me. I got up a couple of times briefly to go potty but by 6:30 when I got up I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Still, I fought it as I have the last few mornings. I keep my blackout sleep mask on, I try, try, try to go back to sleep but it is no good. Yesterday morning I refused to get up before 9. But what happens for me when my body won’t go back to sleep but my mind is fighting waking up is that my mind starts going in all kinds of directions that just make me increasingly anxious. This morning I stood it until just before 8, sat up, turned on the light, and told the babies it was time to get up. The dogs are so unused to getting up that early and were sleeping so soundly it was an adjustment for them to get up then, but up we got, and out we went.
There is something so precious about being out in the garden that early, before it gets so hot out, when things are freshly blooming, still dewy, and not limp from the afternoon sun. When I was at home with my children my favorite thing, after the kids got up, was to go out into the garden, coffee cup in one hand, notebook and pen in the other, and go around to see what was blooming, what was sprouting, what new changes were occurring in the garden, and to make notes. In those years I had a very large garden and every morning there were new things blooming everywhere, a succession of miracles. It is not like that now, but, still, there are delights and surprises. Just this morning a new bud opened on the Julia Child rose. One of my favorites. I have always loved yellow roses…
The dogs and I were back in the house a little after 8. I fed them and put the water on for coffee. I cleaned out Canela’s papers, and got her food — so much fun to have a parrot in the house again, even for a few days — and a little after 8:30 I was here at my desk with my coffee, the pugs snuggled in close, and I started my day. It is hard for me to get up earlier, but it is so good to be up and going earlier, especially as the days get so unbearably hot now by noontime, that I feel I have been given a gift of time. I am not going to fight getting up any longer. Still, neither the dogs or I are going to be quite ready to start the day at 6:30! I am going to try, after I get up to go to the potty, to maybe snuggle back in with them and read for a little while, maybe jot down a few notes as thoughts arise, and try to be up and going by at least 8. I am going to see how that goes. Going to bed earlier and getting up earlier is a shift that will work well for summer.
Too, something else is happening. Since I got rid of cable t.v. over a year ago I have been watching the news on my phone at bedtime. I would be settled in my recliner with the pugs between 10:30 and 11 and would watch, or at least listen, to the news as I was getting sleepy. But the news these days is too hard to bear. I am so deeply sensitive I just cannot stand to listen, it is upsetting me terribly, and I think it has been keeping me from sleeping well. Last night as I sat here at my desk and started watching The Rachel Maddow show which I have really loved, I just couldn’t stand it. I turned it off. I am not trying to be an ostrich with my head in the sand. I am praying with my whole heart for change to come with this hard news we are hearing, but I cannot even function if I get too deeply into it. I have had to fight, for years, to function at all, to be well enough to survive and keep my head above water. This is not politically on point as I wish I could be, but for me surviving, and functioning, are what I have to focus on. To this end I am going to read at bedtime. No news. I have tried listening to an audiobook I am enjoying but it puts me to sleep and I miss the book and have to keep trying to find my way back in the story and it’s just too hard to manage that way. Tonight when I get off the computer and snuggle up with the pugs it will be with a book and my journal.
So much in my life is shifting. I don’t know why we fight change, even when it is better for us, but I have decided to embrace my Circadian Rhythms and see where the changing hours take me. And to find peace in my heart and life I will be turning away from the news and back to books, and my days will be filled with my animals, the garden, my writing, and my fiber work, and I am going to be open, without expectation, to where it all leads me. It is a new day, and I am slowly finding my way. I will embrace the changes and go from here.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Dear Maitri,
I have heard how bad it is for us to even listen to the news at all much less before going to sleep. We have been listening/watching less and less and turning on PBS as we don’t have cable tv anymore either. Yes reading helps. I also like to watch the Golden Girls on Hulu. They make me laugh. I’ve also been known to fall asleep in my chair and waking up around midnight or so and go to bed and back to sleep.
It ‘s good to be curious and adventurous to experiment what works for us at different times. What worked before can definitely change. I used to hate mornings when I had to go to school because I was so anxious and afraid. When I was out of school I’d stay up half the night and read. It sure did mess up the sleep schedule when school was back.
Then when I worked for the psychic lines they would have their main advertisements on TV around 2am and they’d ask us to get on the lines and work. I did that for awhile.
Now I enjoy getting up earlier because it is so nice and cool in the mountains. I like to sit on the porch and wake up feeling the cool air and listening to the birds singing their morning songs.
It sounds like you had a nice morning. I’m looking forward to reading how all this is going to work out for you for your happiness.
Good God it’s hot out there right now as I feel blessed in the a/c.
Much Love, Jean
Dear Jean…
No, I don’t think the news does me any good at all. Anymore it’s gone from bad to worse to so disturbing I just can’t handle it at all. And as to the chair, well, I sleep in mine all night. I am just not comfortable physically or emotionally in my bed, and my big oversized recliner is so comfy and cozy with my wee pugs tucked in I feel safe there.
And you worked for the psychic lines? Wow! I knew you worked with the angels but I didn’t know you were a psychic! Do you still do that sort of work?
And oh, the cool mountain air. We used to live in the mountains of Virginia in a beautiful solar home that my husband built on 20 acres. It was our dream home and it was picture postcard beautiful there. We had to leave to move here in 92 because of my husband’s job and we never really got over having to leave. I still miss the mountains. Enjoy those cool mornings.
But oh Lordy about 3:00 before I tried to take a little nap I went outside for a few minutes to get the dogs out to the potty and it was breathtaking it was so hot. And it’s only mid-June. Sigh… A/C is a huge blessing, no doubt!
Love you honey, take care…
Maitri
i’m with you all the way about not filling ourselves with the news first thing in morn or last thing at night. our spirits need nourishment, and we delight in answering our spirits call, as you are doing.
i too love going out into the garden early, to snip a bloom or to to freshen or fashion a new bouquet on my kitchen table altar or kitchen window sill. i too love reading before bed. you and i are such kindred spirits (as if we didn’t know. Taking sustenance in the beautiful enriching things, using our talents, creating a legacy simply by being ourselves doing what we love.
Your hibiscus picture today is so beautiful i wanted to enter into the wide open flowers and give myself to them!!!
You are a wonderful photographer, lest you forget to count that in your creative asset bag of tricks!!!
xoxo
ka
Darling Ka,
Yes, the news is just no good for me. There was a time I loved keeping up with things but things have gone from bad to worse to horrifying with Trump and I just can’t bear it, as I said to Jean. Gentle awakenings and the time leading into sleep I am learning to guard zealously more and more as sleep does not come easily, never unbroken. I have to maximize the night time hours as best I can. And I am in the process of choosing a new book to read just now, not sure what it will be but I want something gentle and soothing.
I don’t have much to pick now for the house, the hibiscus blooms are glorious but they only last a day and don’t do well for cut flowers as you know but all of the seeds I planted in the green gated garden are coming up like topsy and there will be lots of flowers to pick in the fall. I do look forward to that.
And thank you for your kind words about my photographs. I never would have thought I would have relied on my phone to take pictures but I love my iPhone for photos. I have a good camera but I never use it anymore. Too much of a pain. And the iPhone uploads them automatically to the computer. So easy.
Can’t wait to see the chapbook you are working on. I’m so excited about it. And I’m tickled that I got MY story to YOU first this time! Can’t wait to get yours! 😀
Love you honey,
Maitri xoxox
Life is like a book. Flip the page to a new chapter. 🙂🙃😉😚😘😍
I’m flipping Noni, I’m flipping! 😀
What beautiful flowers! They really lift the spirits. Lots of new buds coming along too. xxx
Thank you Jenny and yes it is loaded with buds. Such a glory to see new enormous blossoms open each morning!
Sounds like a great plan Maitri. So lovely to be able to enjoy the cooler early morning time in the garden. The yellow rose is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Joan and amazingly I slept a lot more last night! Turned the light out by 11, woke up at 4:30 to go potty and it took a good 45 minutes or more for me to go back to sleep but then I slept until almost 8:30 and then I even dozed for awhile and didn’t get up until just past 9. I haven’t slept like that in ages. I think not watching the news is helping enormously!
This is were I would push the “like” button. Yay!! I’m really a night person but you are so right about the peace and beauty of an early morning garden. The later heat is too too much for me. I understand completely and agree about the news- while wanting to be informed is one thing, getting anxious is another. Studies show that sleep is better when we humans lay off all the electronics devices two hours before bedtime, and that reading a book is much better. And so, grab a good book, snuggle the pugs, and have sweet dreams!
Thank you Lorraine, and yes indeed, no news IS good news! I slept better last night than I have in ages. And I do know about the electronic devices thing but that is one thing that would be hard for me as often, not always, I am reading a kindle book. But I’m looking to concentrate more on paper books before bed. I’ve been listening to audiobooks in the evening while I do other things too. Listening to a wonderful long book just now by Kate Morton called “The Lake House,” and next will be her book, “The Forgotten Garden.” Mysterious literary novels, and very good. And it’s getting a bit too hot now but I have to get the dogs out before going to therapy and am going to broadcast a cup full of mixed seeds I found in a drawer here in the green gated garden which is sprouting like topsy. It should be a glory in the fall… 🙂