Having dinner at my friends new restaurant…
This is not a post I want to write. It makes me nervous and scared feeling, but as I write about everything else and yesterday wrote about going out last night I don’t see that it would be fair to skip last night’s misadventure.
The world can be a scary place, sigh… But let me go back to the beginning.
My very dear friends opened a charming restaurant a couple of years ago. It was a big hit, I enjoyed going there as their guest a number of times. They just opened a new one and it is absolutely beautiful, the food is superb, they will do very well. They just opened Saturday night.
It was decided, as I have a hard time going out, that while they would like to have had me there for the opening it was going to be a zoo, packed, and that wouldn’t be the optimum experience for someone for whom crowds are difficult, and, because my friend was going to have dinner with me and visit which he wouldn’t be able to do when things were hectic, we thought a Monday night would be better. I talked to him mid-afternoon yesterday and said again that while I really appreciated the invitation and looked forward to seeing the new restaurant if it would still be hectic and I would end up sitting alone all night — this had happened numerous times at the other restaurant — I would prefer to wait until later after all the hubbub about the new restaurant just opening died down. He assured me that last night would be fine. Turns out, it was not.
I got all dolled up and was nervous but excited going. I drove there with the Google Map Lady giving me directions how to get there and, as I always do, I left early because I abhor being late, ever, for anything. I’d rather sit in the parking lot for 15 minutes than be 5 minutes late. Last night, sure enough, I was about 15 minutes early. I texted my friend that I was there and should I come in or wait? He called me to say yes come on in but a food delivery had been delayed and he was in the kitchen but would be out soon.
I went in and was delighted to see the restaurant which I had seen via FaceTime and videos. It was absolutely gorgeous. I was seated at a lovely table in a very pretty room. My friend dashed out to the table and told me that “all hell was breaking loose” and for most of the rest of the night I watched him dashing in and out of the kitchen carrying trays of food to servers. Two or three times he came to the table to apologize and tell me how crazy it was. I ordered dinner which he brought to me and it was delicious, and I had a nice wine to go with it. It was lovely but I was nervous because I hadn’t expected to be alone. It’s a funny thing, I have never had problems in my life going somewhere alone, but when you expect to be spending the evening with someone and it is a new environment and then you end up alone it can be, well, it was, for me, disquieting. But it got worse.
My friend’s partner is the main one who runs the restaurant but my friend is there a lot to help and be sociable with all the many people who come in that know them both. My friend has another business. As the evening wore on he told me he had to run out to the bank but would be back. He ran out but he never came back. I kept waiting and when I finally asked the waiter when my friend would be back he went and checked and came and said, “He’s not coming back.” I was shocked. Seems he had a crisis with his business and got stuck there and couldn’t leave. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I appreciated the lovely dinner but being left like that had made me uneasy. I left and, I’m telling you, the next part of my story so horrified me I’m still having trouble getting over it today.
Pulling out of the parking lot there is a tricky situation where, in order to go back in the opposite direction from which I had come I had to pull out, go over 2 or 3 lanes (I can’t remember now) into a left-hand turn lane from which you sort of make a U-turn. That lane, I’m not sure quite how to describe this, had kind of a little concrete divider sectioning off the lane but it was so low it was like going over a little bump in the road. Apparently you weren’t supposed to go over the bump but I couldn’t quite figure out how to get into the lane. I did it wrong, and I was not but about two seconds out of the restaurant parking lot and into this lane, turning, when a police car with flashing lights was behind me. I couldn’t figure out why and pulled over.
I have to say here that the police officer could not have been nicer. He was very young looking, very kind, and, amazingly, apologetic about stopping me. He explained that I had gone over that concrete thing, that that’s why he stopped me. He asked where I had been coming from and I pointed over to the restaurant and told him that my friends had just opened their restaurant and invited me to have dinner there. Then, he asked me if I had had anything to drink. I said yes, I’d had wine with dinner. He took my license and registration and came back smiling and said everything was okay but then he said, “I’m sorry but since you said you had wine I have to do this test.” It was a little breathalizer (I’m not even sure how to spell that.). I tried. Several times. For some reason it wasn’t working right. We weren’t sure why other than the fact that because I’m paralyzed on one side still from Bell’s Palsy that might have affected it.
He was very kind, as I’ve said, and again, apologetic, but he said since the breathalizer didn’t work I would have to get out of the car. I did and I didn’t have to walk some straight line or anything, I clearly wasn’t drunk, but, having stopped me, and my having said I’d had wine with dinner, I guess this is something he had to do. He was very gentle with me and had me stand in front of the police car facing away from the headlights. All he did was have me follow a little light he held with my eyes going this way and that. It only took a minute, he apologized again for having me get out in the rain, told me everything was fine, that I wasn’t going to get a ticket or anything, but that since he’d stopped me he had to give me a warning. It wasn’t until today that I even looked at the paper. I was too nervous last night. On the paper the box that was checked said something about having stopped me because of a tail light?
I had stayed perfectly calm through the whole thing but driving home I was scared to death, incredibly upset, and I told my friend I would never go there again. One thing, he told me, is that because of all the drunk drivers now, and especially with the opening of a new restaurant/bar the police are out just waiting, they are stopping lots of people all over this town. I was barely out of the parking lot and he was right there. I was not driving drunk, I have never driven drunk, and the police officer was very kind, no ticket, but it unnerved me so badly I’m afraid to ever go out again. I go out so rarely and I like to have a glass of wine with a nice dinner. Goodness gracious just last week, as I wrote here, I stopped at a darling little neighborhood bar near my house and had a glass of wine. I never do that, and it was very lovely, and I just had my glass of wine, wrote for awhile, and went home so happy that I had done something so brave, but now I am afraid to ever go out again anywhere and have a glass of wine. It doesn’t matter that I would not be driving home drunk. If you have had any alcohol and get pulled over you could get a ticket. I don’t know how that all works but I am too terrified now to risk it. Today I feel like I don’t want to ever go out anywhere ever again. I am teary and afraid just writing this. I am so upset about last night I don’t know how I’ll ever get over it.
I talked to my daughter Rachel today. Rachel is a calm voice of reason. She is also a psychologist, knows me better than anyone, and knows that I am no alcoholic! She told me “not to go 1000% in the other direction,” meaning not to be afraid to go out simply because of what happened last night. She knows that it was huge for me to stop at the little bar near my house to have a glass of wine, a nice little outing, near my house, that it did me good to actually go someplace. But the whole thought terrifies me now.
This morning I had to be up very early to take the pugs to the vet at 7:30. We got out and I picked them up a couple of hours later and once home and settled I planted myself here at the computer and I’ve barely moved. I have been in this kind of bubble of happiness since my outing last week. I was so proud of myself to be all dressed up and out to go to my friends restaurant last night, another big adventure for me, but it all went awry, and I feel like in the last week I took a couple of tiny steps forward and have now gone a million steps back in the other direction. Today the world feels like a scary place to me, I don’t feel safe in it, and I feel desperately sad because I had begun to imagine a new kind of life for myself opening up, not that I was going to be going out to “paint the town red” but that I might start to go out here and there, I might even try to find a way to get involved in something where I might meet people. Today I am terrified to go out anywhere at all.
I don’t know how to move on from here. I have therapy tomorrow and we will talk about it. I had thought that maybe on the way home I would stop at the cute little bar and have a glass of wine. I will not be doing that. I have to go to Costco for groceries and the drugstore for medication for Pugsley and frankly, today, I don’t even know how I will manage those things. My world had begun to open up. It is closing again. And I am simply heartbroken over it.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Okay that incident would have unnerved just about all of us. I know it would have rattled the hell out of me. All of it – friend situation, driving, police. And look, you already went out again this morning to take care of the pugs, if I’m reading the sequence of events correctly, and you handled that okay. You will manage because you CAN. And you have. And you will.
Thank you Grace, I appreciate your comment so much. Yes, I did get the pugs to the vet (Always easier when I have to do something for my babies.) and maybe I will inch my way out into the world again, but it will be some time before I get the nerve, if I do, to have a glass of wine out somewhere. Even though the policeman was kind and it all went well I will never forget the humiliation of having to get out of the car in the rain to do that, it was a horror, and I never want to go through that again, even if I’m perfectly innocent as I was and it turned out okay I just don’t want to ever go through that again. I guess these things just take time but it is not going to happen overnight…
I’m so sorry to hear how upsetting last night turned out to be for you. Please, please don’t let last night put you off socialising. It was lovely to hear the happiness in your voice yesterday as you prepared for your night out (and you looked gorgeous in your red dress!).
Hopefully you’ll be able to chalk it up to experience and enjoy more adventures again soon.
Thank you for your kind words Moira…
It was indeed so upsetting and scary and I am badly shaken today. And it does feel heartbreaking because I was so happy getting ready to go yesterday, this time last night I had just gotten there. It will take some time to chalk it up to experience, I don’t know what it will take. Hold a good thought for me, will you?
Oh I’ll happily hold a good thought for you Maitri 🙂
Thank you honey…
oh jees maitri, this reads like a piece in the natl enquirer: that dramatic! elderly woman drives over a little median and has to get out of her car and be interrogated by a policeman about how drunk she is. no wonder you want to hide in a corner. and when you sent me that lovely picture of you “all dolled up” i was so excited for you. You were brave to even write about it, honestly, because you had to re-live it to do so. You are one tough coffee with such a mooshy tender interior.
i apologize for this blatant injustice. I HATE driving with lots of traffic and wide roads with multiple lanes at night. I probably would have taken an uber both ways. And to be abandoned like that. BUMMER. too bad you didn’t have your journal so you could escape into it.
sending you oodles of comfort, hugs, and looking into your eyes and saying YOU WILL GET OVER THIS. and you know it’s true.
Oh Katya… I wish I could just hug you…
It was so hard, and I am teary here just now because I was so excited about last night, to have dinner with my friend in their beautiful new restaurant and to have everything unfold the way it did ending with the whole police incident.
I hope you’re right, I hope I can get over this. At this moment I can’t imagine how I will. I just feel heartbroken about the whole thing because a week ago when I stopped at the darling little neighborhood bar I felt like maybe I’d found a special little place to go to sometimes. Now I’d be afraid to. It feels like a terrible loss. Tonight I am so sad about it…
tough COOKIE, not tough coffee ha ha
Ha ha ha I kind of liked tough coffee. It made me smile… 🙂
Dear Maitri, You were traumatized and being the sensitive soul you are, it is understandable that you are feeling like you do now. That would be hard on any of us for sure but for you it was especially hard. I hope you get some help at your therapy tomorrow. I hold a good thought for you that you will. You also were upset because of being alone and what happened in the restaurant. So in a way that was a double whammy. I so understand. Try not to be too hard on yourself and hey how brave you are to even write about it.
You look so pretty in your pictures. So very pretty.
Much Love, Jean
Oh dear dear Jean, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel shy to say this but I felt pretty, something new for me since losing 45 pounds. I still have a long way to go but it’s enough to have really made a difference for me. And I was so expectant and hopeful as I left the house which one is, especially, when they rarely go out and this was to be a very special treat. And given that it made the way the night ended all the harder. I will talk it all over with Helene, my therapist, tomorrow. I hope it will help too.
I’m sending you a gentle warm hug honey, I appreciate the love too, so much…
Maitri
Maitri,
You were tremendously brave to go out, try to enjoy your friend’s nice new place, and survive what would be TOTALLY unnerving for anyone as a follow-up, Consider this just a blip along the road, rather than a retreat, I’d think.
Tiny adventures are good, to be sure, and this was a MAJOR one, and turned out not to be fun. But it’s a good thing to keep considering small adventures…
Hugs,
Lisa
Thank you Lisa,
Just now it feels good just to be here in the studio with my sweet pugs. I have written a story this evening and sent it to my friend Katya with whom I am doing a story exchange. It felt good to create something. For today that’s as big an “adventure” as I am up to. I would like to think that perhaps one day I will try again but is not something I can imagine in this moment. It is as though a door slammed shut inside me. It would be nice if someday that door would open again but I don’t know how and I can’t imagine it will be soon.
And thank you for the hug, I needed one tonight, and I am sending one right back to you…
Maitri
Sweet Maitri, don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, it was a disturbing experience but it sounds as if the policeman was as kind as he could be. I’m so sorry it ruined your evening but I hope you will find a way to put it behind you and try to take baby steps again. Being pulled over is a rattling experience no matter the reason even if you don’t get a ticket or be treated like you were. I remember shaking all the way home — all two blocks. You are not alone. Take your time and try again. Perhaps you could have someone go with you next time in case your friend gets tied up with business. I still think you were very very brave to go and to share it with us. Hang in there.
Thank you Paula, it was a very unsettling evening and it wasn’t just that it ruined my evening as you say, for me, with my issues, it made me feel like it’s not safe to go out. I know that may seem irrational to some people but I have rarely left my house in years and so for me it really hit hard. And I couldn’t really invite someone to go with me because I was going as my friend’s guest. We were supposed to have spent the evening together. It didn’t work out but if it had it would not have been something where I would have wanted someone else there. But I understand your point. I simply won’t be putting myself in that situation again.
I am trying to put it behind me but it just happened last night. It will take time. For now I am going to get ready for bed and snuggle with my babies. Tomorrow is another day…
Hi honey. You Did go out and have a good time at the Kettle. You Did do a brave thing and get all dolled up. Your world IS opening up and you Can continue to let it. It Did Not “all go awry”. Only that one thing. That you were looking forward to. It didn’t go as planned. (And that storm last night would make it difficult for a stone sober person to drive. Scared the snot outa me! And I was just laying in bed! )You got such a kind officer. He was just doing his job. I’m sorry that happened to u honey, but no need to back up. Sometimes shtuff happens. To the Best of us. And to our best laid plans. But the worst that happened was you got embarrassed in the rain. And you probably got a little miffed at ur friend who couldn’t bother to tell you personally that HIS plans and intentions went awry. The world is Still waiting for you to discover its wonders and joys. But you might have to put up w some nuisances along the way. Disregard them and Move Forward. Just because there are flies doesn’t mean I’m not going on a picnic. It’s ok to go Back to his restaurant, but you were right about the timing. Go back another day, in the day time. When it’s pretty out. And invite ur own company (like your good friend 😉) so u don’t have to depend on He Who Will Be Crazy Busy 😜 You. Got. This. Pull up ur socks, wipe ur nose and git back on that horse. 😘😘🤗🤗💖💖
Thank you Noni honey, you are so sweet and I appreciate all that you said. I’m scared right now, it will take a little time, I’ve lost my confidence, hopefully it will come back in time…
Oh M. Of course it will! I have all the confidence that you will continue to grow and explore and open up to your fullest potential. It’s ok. You’re ok. It’s just life honey. Put it in perspective and soon you’ll be out having quiet little joys out in the world once again. I’m sure of it. I believe in you.
Thank you honey. You, being here, to be part of my life, well, it’s one of the most important things to me. I appreciate it so much. I have missed you terribly since you stopped coming. I hope we can find our way to spending more time together again. I love you dearly…
Oh Maitri, I’m so sorry you had such a rough time last night. I hope everything is OK with your friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to go through all of that. You were very brave to go in the first place, I’m not good in crowded busy places myself. You did well, you coped so well with everything and today is a new day… You look so pretty in your picture, all dressed up for your evening out! Sending hugs and much love. xxx
Thank you Jenny honey, I’m okay, I’m sure it will be okay, but I was badly shaken up. And thank you for your kind words. I did enjoy getting dressed to go out. Hopefully one day I’ll have the courage to again…
Ugh-that night would have upset anyone, hun-I know I would have been a wreck! Police scare me in general and getting out of the car like that must have made it so much worse…you will get past this though; just take baby steps and congratulate yourself for each one! Going out this morning for the pugs so soon after was a big step in the right direction! Be gentle with yourself, but don;t allow yourself to give up on the progress you’ve made….hugs and best wishes <3
Thank you Lynne, it was an ordeal for sure, but I am calming down a little today and I had therapy today which was really good and my therapist helped me make sense of it all and helped me be less afraid of trying again. It will just take time. Baby steps, that will be the key. I will make it through this…
I am sorry that your evening did not turn out as you had expected but, you look MAH-velous dahling!! And I have that same necklace from Liz – how kewl is that?? I love you.
Thank you Trece honey, and you have the same necklace? Wow! I love mine… 🙂