I think the weather has begun to get to me.
I did not sleep well last night and woke up anxious and ill at ease in my body. The last couple of days I have been down, much more down than I have been in some time. I am teary. We have had rain for days and rain is predicted every single day for the rest of the week. I feel queasy. I have therapy today which will be good but I am feeling very uneasy about leaving the house.
It’s the kind of day that I want to hunker down under a soft blanket with the pugs and not move. I feel afraid.
It rained so much, so hard over the weekend by Sunday night I felt near despair. I had to write a story to send to Katya and was shocked by the story that I wrote. It was very dark. It was a story about an artist who had a recurring dream that if she left her apartment she would die. The dream — you didn’t know it was a dream until the end — was about being in a taxi in a storm and the taxi careened off a bridge. As she knew she was about to die she woke up, realized it was a dream, and knew, then, that she could not leave her apartment, ever. While I am agoraphobic I do leave the house when I have to and the last 2 weeks had to leave the house daily due to emergencies and appointments. Perhaps it took a toll. I was very disturbed by the story I wrote. I get very uneasy to leave the house but I don’t fear dying if I have to. Today, however, is one of the hard ones. I am crying now as I sit here writing.
I wish I could write a better blog post but it is not possible today. The darkness all around me is weighing me down so heavily I am struggling much harder than I have in awhile.
Do accept my apologies. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Sending you a big hug! xxx
Thank you honey…
Dear Maitri,
I know the feeling andI send you much love and visualizing your loving angels surrounding you too. I hope your therapy session helps. Dark, rainy, dreary days don’t help.
Much Love, Jean
Thank you dear Jean, and no, these long dreary dark rainy days have not helped. Amazingly, and though rain was predicted for today and is for the rest of the week it didn’t rain today. It wasn’t bright and sunny but it wasn’t raining either. That, and therapy helped. Now I am tired, and quiet, but settling somehow. I just really hope I can sleep tonight. And thank you for visualizing my angels around me. That means so much to me.
I’m sending you a big hug and hoping that the rain is subsiding up your way. Oh for some sunny days. I know we are all more than ready for them….
Love,
Maitri
Sending you some SoCal sunshine to punch through the gloom. The weather will change & this too shall pass.
It actually rained a bit here today, not a lot, just enough to make things damp and annoy the cats. They’re currently enjoying an afternoon siesta. Rain catches us by surprise out here, sometimes, but I don’t complain too much, because we need it!
I’ll see if I can snap a pic outside and send it your way in a bit. Grocery shopping is on the agenda today at one of my fave places, Trader Joes. Peeps gotta eat. 😉
Hello dear Victoria. yes, the weather will change as it always does and this, too, shall pass. Glad you got some rain if you needed it, we’ve had more than our share! And ha ha ha about the cats, the pugs do NOT like the rain and it is nearly impossible when it rains unceasingly to get them out to the potty! And my daughter likes Trader Joe’s too. I get out to Costco once or twice a month and then run out to the little grocery store about 2 minutes from me if I just need a thing or two, but Rachel loves T.J.’s and Wholefoods!
Sending you a big hug honey, hope all is well with you, the Queen Mother and Himself… 🙂
Dearest Maitri, no need to apologize for being authentic. You are loved. Do spend quality time hugging the pugs under cozy blankets. 🐸
Thank you so much dear Jennifer, you are very kind honey. And yes, hugging the pugs under a cozy blanket has just about been the only thing I have been good for. And listening for hours and hours to the audiobook I’m listening to, The Shell Seekers. It has been saving me. I hope all is well with you… 🙂
Long, grey rainy days are hard for sure. Hopefully you’re feeling better after seeing your therapist. Sending you hugs xx
Thank you so much dear Moira. We had an unexpected break in the rain today, and therapy was good. I cried through it all but it helped me a lot. I came home so tired, got the dogs out and then we three cozied up in the big recliner under our soft blanket and I listened to my audiobook and rested a little. It helped. And I appreciate your kind note so much. I’m sending you a hug and much love…
Maitri, you are not alone! Same feelings here- is it the weather, the barometric pressure, the moon? Even my dog Sally is feeling something- she is hiding in the bathroom or under the kitchen table. Feeling ill at ease in my body as well. I hope your therapy helped. And thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much dear Lorraine, and I am so sorry honey that you are having this kind of time too. It just wears a body down doesn’t it? I hope you and Sally are feeling better soon. Therapy helped, I kind of cried my way through but it was good to go. And it’s a quiet evening. I’m sending you love and a gentle, warm hug…
my dads favorite saying after he totally mellowed out (in his 80’s) was THIS TOO SHALL PASS. we have to remember that when we forget!
dark days light days hard days easy days, fun days tedious days, all are part of one fabric of a textured universe. would we really want life to be a boring straight line never an up never a down. no!!! in the meantime, drink a flowery tea and write a haiku!!!
Rain i am tired
of your relentless music
let the sun sing next
ha ha
xo
ka
Thank you dear Katya and yes, this, too, shall pass, thank goodness, but it can be hard to remember that when we are wading through it all. But I loved your haiku, and may the sun sing next indeed!
I love you honey…
M. xoxox
Loving you SO much, dear one. Sorry I’m tardy to the party in responding. Hopefully today was much better.
Thank you so much dear Trece, today was definitely a better day as you will read in today’s post. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m sending you a great big hug and so much love…
Maitri off to bed with the puggeries… 🙂