Click on the cover to buy this book on amazon
Simply put, Cathryn Wellner’s book is saving me. I have been so scared and felt such a sense of hopelessness about my prospects I haven’t known what to do with myself. I have become so obsessed with the question, “How do I do meaningful work at my age and with my limitations so that I can feel useful, make much needed income, but not lose the benefits that I have that are essential to my survival?” that I have been frozen in time. If I couldn’t solve this nothing else seemed to matter. I have awoken every single morning filled with so much fear I have barely been able to move to start my day. Enough is enough!
Cathryn Wellner is an incredible writer and when I saw a mention of this book a few days ago I knew that I wanted to read it. This morning I bought it for my Kindle but have it open in the Kindle Cloud Reader in a tab on my browser and can’t stop reading it. It is a wake up call, it is helping me put things in perspective. I still don’t have the answer to the question in the first paragraph, but maybe I will by the time I finish the book.
When Cathryn wrote the following it gave me such a jolt it woke me up…
“The time comes when we realize we are past the halfway point in our lives. Bad days are a waste of our remaining hours on this beautiful planet.”
Gracious, yes. How many days am I going to wake up afraid of just being alive? I simply don’t have the time to waste, I don’t have that luxury, and, really, none of us do at whatever age we are. None of us.
One thing that I have to say about this book is that it is such a feast of riches. Reading it now I would also like to have the paperback book to carry around and refer to but the Kindle version has hyperlinks that take you all over the internet to books, periodicals, blogs, and other resources that are so incredible I cannot tell you how much I am being healed and opened up by them all. I was so deeply touched reading about a Japanese poet, Toyo Shibata, who published her first book of poems at 99, that I rushed to amazon to see the version that is in translation, “Don’t Lose Heart.” My heart sank when I saw that it is only available for $50 which I cannot afford, but I read everything available in Amazon’s preview, “Look Inside This Book.” I have just fallen in love with it.
And then I read the sentence that made me sit up straight! Cathryn wrote…
“When she began writing the books that would become one of the most successful children’s series of all times Laura Ingalls Wilder was 65.”
I will be 64 on Monday.
Story after story after story in this incredible collection of stories are about feisty people of advanced age accomplishing amazing things. I am in what feels like a terrifying place financially, but how can I let that stop me from pursuing my dreams? From giving what I have to give in the world? From writing what is in my heart to write? I simply cannot. I don’t begin to know how to solve the practical matters, but I know this, I might as well die right now if I’m not really going to live the rest of my life. There has to be an answer. And I am going to find out just what that is. And I won’t stop living, and I am going to try my utmost not to have the kind of bad days that cripple me.
In the excerpt from Toyo Shibata’s book I read in the Amazon preview she wrote…
“So no matter how alone or how lonely you are, there are always things to think about. That’s why I write that ‘life starts now, and morning will always come, no matter who you are.’
“Being on my own for twenty years, I am truly living!”
Next year I will have been on my own for 20 years. I have felt very alone, and been very lonely. But Toyo Shibata is right, there are always things to think about, there are loved ones and dear friends, there are my precious little pugs, there is my garden, and there is my writing, my heart connection to the world. I will continue on, I will find my way, and today, as soon as I get this blog post up, I am going back to reading Cathryn Wellner’s incredible book. I need to fill myself up with her stories so that I can have the courage to write my own. I have written since I was 9 years old. Through many years of childhood abuse it was writing that saved me. Through my entire adult life of marriage, motherhood, decades of therapy and healing work, and now in my 7th decade writing has been and is my way in the world. How could I not write what I have it in me to write? I will not let fear stop me. I will find my way.
Thank you dear Cathryn. Your book is saving me. And no, I don’t have time for bad days. I have work to do.
In closing I will share with you all a beautiful bouquet that I cut this afternoon, the result of pruning the rambling rose on the green fence. There is so much beauty here. We must live our lives…
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
I’m in the same place as you dear heart. I’ll be 61 this year which I am still in shock about! Yesterday, well I was only 5 and had my ENTIRE life ahead of me. Now, I’m well past half way and it frightens me so badly. I think, “how many “good” years do I have left? 10? Maybe 15? I don’t know” It’s really a struggle everyday. I need to read this book as well! Glad to have you in my sisterhood!
Hello Jeannine honey, so glad you came by and left a comment here…
There can be so many scary things as we get older but for me it’s not the age itself as much as the fear about the financial aspects which I’ve written about here and in several recent posts. But Cathryn’s book is just wonderful. Both comforting and inspiring. I am truly loving it.
I hope you’ll come back. The dialogue here is so important, to be able to respond to one another here matters, I really believe that it does. We will make it, one way or another we surely will… 🙂
Keep writing! Even if you’re not sure if, when or whether you’re going to publish your work, that doesn’t stop you writing! In a way, that helps to take some of the pressure away, because you’d be writing for the joy of writing, and you’d be building up a body of work you could publish at a later date if you want to.
Maitri those roses are exquisite, what a beautiful bouquet!
Hugs and love to you and the pugs. xxx
Thank you dear Jenny, and, well, yes, for me I can’t NOT write, it’s just who I am, but to work hard at an avenue that could lead to income only to be unable to chance making any to risk the very benefits that are helping me survive, that is the quandary. I am really puzzling over that. But I will surely keep writing even if only here.
And thank you dearheart, my roses are making me so happy. The bouquet I showed in this post is in a vase by my kitchen window now and makes me smile every time I walk in there and see it.
And thank you for the hugs and the love. The pugs and I send them right back to you… 🙂
In similar parallel place here, Maitri. Great article!
Thanks Denise, I’m sending you a warm hug. I hope your hands feel better soon. All the best to you…
Cathryn is an amazing writer and wise person, as you are! I’ll be getting this book forthwith — I’ll be 63 in May.
I still struggle with finding meaning and contribution in my post-paid work life, which I’m grateful for and extremely lucky to have. My work life was full of contributions and encouraging others as an educator,; now, I try to contribute as a volunteer, and through contributions elsewhere, too, as I can. But I know that there’s always something more (or something else) that I can do, but I’m not sure what it is! A gardening memoir book? Travel writing? A memoir about travel adventures and the empowerment around doing things outside your comfort zone?
Thanks for your encouraging piece around this!
Ah Lisa you will really enjoy Cathryn’s book!
And oh! A gardening memoir, I love those kind of books, I would love to read yours. And truly you have done and are doing so many things that would make great books. I think this is a wonderful avenue for you. I hope you’ll pursue it.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, I so appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, it means a lot to me. I’m sending you a warm hug. Happy travels!
Hello Maitri, writing is what you are good at. You have an established readership and lots of traffic. Have you heard anything about the site: “Patreon” where patrons pay a subscription or pay as you read amount of money to read your stuff? You have been doing what you love all along. I know of many people who now use Patreon to promote their work. I have seen lots of successes with it. Even big entrepreneurs use it 🙂 Look into it for now, you may not be feeling like launching into a new endeavour straight away but use this time to let things settle and begin to contemplate new ways. You may wish to work with the stone Moss Agate – a stone for new beginnings. As a forethought you could easily transfer this site to Patreon and get paid for all your lovely articles and yes what you write is beautiful Maitri. You deserve to be paid for your energy. I know of a 70 yo countryman here who makes everything possible through his Patreon subscribers. He is going strong with his work and gets so many people donating money. Anyway I do love checking in with you and reading your lovely heartfelt writings but I also want to see you paid and Patreon does just that. You may wish to look into astrology for when to launch a new project. I know of a lady in Washington called Carol Barbeau from her “Illuminations” website who does :ELECTIONAL ASTROLOGY: Its what rich people do to launch fashion shows, stage performances by theatre companies and so on. Timing is everything Maitri. I feel you will like Carol Barbeau as she is an older woman like you having to reinvent themselves. She lost her husband and everything and had to create a new niche for herself. It was a very stark time in her life. She is on facebook and online, get to know her and ask about electional astrology. Who knows she may even be your friend, but I do know this – she is a lovely lady and genuinely cares about people and puts out so much goodwill
Thank you so much for your thoughts Leeanne…
I am very aware of Patreon and I guess you are fairly recent to reading my blog because for some months I was working on putting together a Patreon page and wrote about it a number of times here on the blog. It, along with other plans, came to a halt when I came to the realization that making any money, while much needed and it would make my life far easier, is a slippery slope for me because due to my very low income and not being able to afford medical insurance among other things I qualify for some benefits and help that I could lose while not actually making all that much extra money. I can’t afford to lose the benefits, it would be devastating for me because I literally need them for survival in a number of ways. The Catch 22 is that I need the money and yet can’t afford to make what would not amount to a whole lot and lose the help I do get. I would have to make a considerable amount of money to afford to lose the benefits and then pay for everything the benefits covered. It is a conundrum and one I’m trying to figure out now.
I appreciate you thinking of me and will look into Carol Barbeau’s work. And the odd thing is my eldest daughter is a Barbeau by marriage! Interesting, that…
Thank you dear Maitri, I just got the book on kindle. I am almost 20 years older than you and yes I have awakened with fear and anxiety. I immediately start giving thanks for what I have especially since I am so healthy at this age. However I feel a lot of the same things you are feeling. So I am looking forward to reading Cathryn Wellner’s book. I will let you know what I like about it.
Much Love, Jean
Oh Jean I am delighted that you got Cathryn’s book. She has been a dear friend of mine for years and I love her work and this book is helping me so much, I am finding it so inspiring. I hope it helps you too. I’ll be anxious to see what you think.
It’s so hard, isn’t it? that waking with fear and anxiety. I have a number of strategies that I use but finally just getting up and moving into my day is the only thing that works. Getting the dogs out, feeding them, making coffee, because if I lay there, even though I am still really tired and part of me wants badly to go back to sleep, my mind will start spinning out of control with all of the things I am afraid of. I am going to be very firm with myself to stop that.
I hope you have a gentle night honey, I hope you sleep well and wake up feeling at peace, I wish that for us both. I’m sending you love and a gentle warm hug. May the hours ahead treat us kindly…
What an exquisite bouquet of roses. I have rose envy pure and simple!
yes, write, write, write. writing is our salvation! and sharing it “love made visible” (kahlil gibran).
as for feisty old age, i may be 74, but i don’t feel it. i just go on being me, doing what i love: writing, gardening, reading, beachcombing, visits with friends, doing workshops now and then, compiling my “literary legacy” for my archive, having fun with tom and alana and my beautiful cat georgie, making yummy meals, oh, and taking hot baths!
xoxo
ka
Thank you dear Ka, and yes, what else is there but to write? It is far too late in the game to do anything else for either of us. It’s how we are both “wired!”
And dearheart you may be 74 but you are ageless, I’ve always seen that. You are such an incredible inspiration to me in so many ways and I appreciate you so much and love you so dearly. I’m looking forward to our upcoming writing together project. I’m nervous but tickled too. Bring it on!
And I’m glad you like my roses. That big bouquet of pink roses is on my kitchen counter and delights me every time I look at it. It is rose time for sure, in the garden and in my heart. Something in me is blooming again…
Love,
M. xoxox
Oh Maitri, I had to post again to tell you how much I’m enjoying The Book! I am even more inspired now! I’ve read 11 chapters and LOVE every one of them. I especially like the links so we can explore places and people Catherine writes about. The Sage-ing journals look so interesting. Maybe we will both write something for them. Wouldn’t that be fun? Who knows. Again thank you for telling us about ON FIESTY AGING!!
Much Love, Jean
Oh Jean I’m so delighted that you are enjoying the book so much and yes! Don’t you love being able to explore the links? It’s a huge extra bonus with the book. Onwards and upwards! Who knows what may happen next! 😀
Your roses are so beautiful- and the photos so lovely I can almost smell the flowers! Thank you for the intro to the aging book- I will look into it.. I’m not usually a Kindle person but the links sound like it will be worth it.
Lorraine, I prefer real books to Kindle books myself but I do enjoy having something I can read on the Kindle app on my phone when I’m just curled up in my recliner at night. And with this book the live links are such a bonus I’m delighted to have it. Jean wrote above that she bought the book and is really enjoying the links too. And thank you about my roses, they are a real joy…
Dearest Maitri, you ooze talent from every pore of your being. Writing, drawing, gardening, creating, and more! You love, you hug, you hurt, you cry, you fail, you rise. You live a true life. I admire you. Hugs, Memarge.
Thank you so much Marge, you are very kind, what you wrote means a lot to me honey. It’s hard to see our own lives clearly for ourselves. I get up each day and just do the best I can. You’ve made me so happy today with the lovely things you’ve written here. Bless you honey… <3
You are an amazing, courageous woman. Thank you for all you are in this world.
Thank you so much dear Cathy, you are very kind and what you’ve written means a lot to me. Bless you honey…
So true about working to keep fear at bay. I have been somewhat on a roller coaster lately, overdoing as if there’s no tomorrow; riding the wave of feeling manic. I feel as if I have wasted too much time and every second counts. Being this age gives us the freedom to live as we choose, but the financial fear keeps looming. I have determined to keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how much those feet hurt. I will make friends with as many young people as I can in my new town, and know that I’m a level 60 fairy godmother with plenty of magic to share with the world! XXOO