It has been over a year since I have drawn one of my Ladies. I did not think I could ever draw one again. I knew, if I did, it would be hard to get going, it would be all messy and cattywompus, and lopsidedish, as the Ladies surely always are. I was terrified. But Tallulah was insistent, she being the ringleader of them all. I think she has been poking and prodding me for some time but I had a few other things going on. And then I realized that returning to my Ladies is exactly what I needed to do so I started again today, and I did make a mess, and it was cattywompus and all the rest, but there she is, she’s back, it was time. You can’t keep a good Lady down.
When I started The 100 Ladies Project in 2013 it was after a lifetime of wanting to draw but being afraid. I had been humiliated in the 2nd grade by a nun who laughed at my drawing and tore it up in front of the class because I had colored the grass pink and the tree trunks orange and the leaves purple and the sky yellow. She scoffed and told me I would never be an artist. I froze and never tried to draw anything ever again. Until 2013.
I had no art training, I had no clue how to do anything — I wanted to draw women that looked real, but I could only draw lopsided Ladies with their own unique personalities — and I had no clue how to use the art materials or what to call the processes I was making up along the way. I started with pastels, moved to watercolors, tried acrylics, and settled back in to using a black pen and watercolors with maybe a little pastel thrown in and I even used wild looking fingernail polish from the Dollar Store at one point but that was really more in my acrylic phase. And my Ladies came with their own stories. And when I drew a Lady and wrote her story I was healing another part of myself and people loved them. I got more response to my funky little Ladies than anything I had ever done in my life but then the fire happened and I stopped. A year later I started again, and then stopped. I have started and stopped several times and though I fall away they always call me back. The most insistent of the lot has always been Tallulah who was supposed to have had her own book. It was to be a book about Tallulah and her little pug Georgia. The thing is that I had their story in my heart but I became very afraid because, well, I feel silly saying this but since I really don’t know how to draw I’ve just pretty much drawn the heads. You can see why from some of the funky pictures I did in late 2014 and 2015…
The thing is I had a lot of fun playing with them but finally what in the world was I going to do with them? I couldn’t draw them consistently enough to do a book and illustrate it even though I kind of fell in love with them. I put them on products at Society 6 and people actually bought some of them, but I just didn’t know what else to do. I am particularly in love with the little pug, Georgia, because she was based on my own little Delilah. You can see Delilah in the front of the picture looking up at the camera in the picture of my 3 pugs on the top right side of this page. Tallulah and Georgia were Delilah and I, kinda sorta, and we had a story to tell, about a woman writer living alone with her pugs, afraid to go out in the world but leading a colorful life of her own creation in her own little cottage, and of course pug rescue was part of the story. (I have adopted 11 pugs in as many years, am devoted to them, and to the wonderful pug rescue, Mid-Atlantic Pug Rescue, where they came from.) This was to be a picture book/story for adults, but kids might like it too. I still feel wistful about doing that book but I just can’t figure out how. I even made up a little mock cover for it.
But, finally, I put Tallulah and Georgia’s story away. It kind of broke my heart. I did go on to draw a lot of other ladies. I did 30 day drawing challenges 4 months in a row in Oct./Nov./Dec. 2016 and Jan. 2017 drawing a Lady and writing her story every day and I had a ball doing it but in the end I just didn’t know what to do with these gals. I haven’t drawn one since, until today, and when I started drawing I thought it would be a random Lady but Georgia popped up. She’s a hot mess but she’s there. I think she’s trying to tell me something.
What I know is this, I have not been happier in a very long time than when I am drawing one of my Ladies. I think they matter. But if you are a self-taught artist who really doesn’t know what she’s doing but just does it anyway, come what may, and you mostly just feel like a kid playing in the sandbox making mud pies with the subsequent attending mess, can you ever hope to DO anything with it all? I’ve never been able to figure out what or how so I have always, eventually, petered out, but they just keep coming back, Tallulah most of all.
I don’t know why I started again, I don’t know why she came back, I’ve no clue what to do with her, or any of the Ladies, and I’m not going to put any pressure on them to BE something but they are an insistent lot and they just keep coming back and I’m trying to figure out if it all means something and what I should do. For now I’m just going to play. I’m going to draw my Ladies however messy and cattywompus they might be, and Georgia and Tallulah will surely be in the mix, and I guess I’ll see what happens, but one thing I know for sure is that it is all too joyful a process NOT to do it.
You should see my studio. I have kid’s watercolor sets and my much loved Derwent Inktense Blocks and jars of paint brushes and a big jar of water and all kinds of books and such all around me. I am in the middle of a happy mess here and I don’t know what to do with it all but I think my future is in the mix somewhere. And I have recently had requests for me to reopen a project I did in 2014 that resulted in a very dear circle of women that just closed at the end of December. It was called “The Spontaneous Art & Life Project & Women’s Circle.” I created fun funky eBooks every month and had a ball but it was too soon after the fire and I was too lost and unsure of myself to continue on. I don’t know if this project will resurface but I loved it and adored the women who were part of the circle. I think it was my happiest work ever. There’s something to think about perhaps.
Right now my own little Delilah pug, Georgia’s counterpart, is snoring loudly beside me. It’s time to stop here. But I might draw a Lady, just for fun. Yes, I think I’ll do just that…
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Maitri, Maitri, what is going to come forth from you next?? I mean it! Really! Your drawings are so wonderful! I can just imagine the conversations they might have! What fun!
Because you haven’t taken art lessons and aren’t programmed the way they think an artist should be and do, you have a special uniqueness that is only YOU! I hope you keep going with this with no feeling of pressure. I have a strong feeling that you have something here that people will love – adults and children! (Sorry if that sounds like pressure). Oh please keep on with these wonderful people and have FUN! FUN!
Love, Jean
Thank you so much sweet Jean! 😀
You know I am just kind of walking on air positively gleeful! I think I am never as happy as when I am creating my Ladies and of course Tallulah is my alter-ego. I hope I can figure out what to do with her because she is very dear to my heart but for now I’m just going to have fun. Thank you so much for leaving a comment, it means so much to me.
I hope you have had a good day. Was it as beautiful for you as it was for us here on the coast? It was a GORGEOUS weekend!
Sending you a gentle hug and much love…
Maitri
Yes we had a lovely day. Went for a morning walk and an afternoon one too. It sure suppressed our appetites. Weird.
Remember, do what you LOVE and … I won’t finish this but you are LOVING these drawings and having fun! I am so happy for you!
Jean
Thank you so much Jean, and I’m glad you had a lovely day! 🙂
Keep drawing those ladies, Maitri and writing the stories! I can see an eBook. I taught art for many years- your drawings are full of life and color! They are beautiful!!
Thanks Lorraine, I appreciate that. They are my heart, these funny, funky Ladies. I’m glad you like Tallulah! 😀
Of, course, your Ladies matter. They’re delightful!
Thanks Lisa honey, that means a lot to me… 🙂
Yay! The Ladies! I’m happy to see them back too. 🙂
Play play play with them…you don’t necessarily need to share them with us. What else can you play with.
(I have a bit of a cold right now. Will respond to your emails when my head is a bit clearer.)
Thanks Victoria! I don’t know what will come of them but I’m going to have fun and right now that’s the most important thing for me. And I hope you feel better soon honey, take your time… 🙂
wow is it fun to see your ladies return, full color, full steam, uniquely yours, and the pugs, my heavens. you just have to be discovered, and the book of Tallulah and Georgia will leap off the shelves. but does it have to be “only” about an agrophobic bi polar woman? maybe all of us are wompy, maybe all of us are adorable!!! keep playing. what gives you happiness WILL ALWAYS PAY OFF!
xo ka
Ah Katya, thank you so much, and my dear you seem always to want me not to write about the specifics of who I am — agoraphobic, bipolar and all the rest, you want me to be more “universal” — but I firmly believe that the universal IS IN the personal. Of COURSE we are ALL lopsided and cattywompus in our own way and me sharing my story can show people that no matter WHO they are or HOW they live they can create a gorgeous colorful happy world that brings them joy. You see it in the bright colors and polka dots and stripes and crookedy joyful teacups in Tallulah’s house and the funny little pug she shares her life with. It is absolutely essential that I tell my truth, the real truth of my life, not from a downer perspective but in a “Look! These are all the funny funky things of my life but I can still LIVE AND BE AND FIND JOY AND CELEBRATE LIFE — AND YOU CAN TOO!!!” No, I won’t blunt the edges of my truth. My truth is my message, how to be all of these things and have hard days but always come back to the beauty and joy in life. If I have anything to say, if my life has meaning at all, this is it…
I love you darling sister. You be you, I’ll be me, and together we will skip through life and make mudpies and grow flowers and write in our journals and draw pictures and write poems. Isn’t that glorious?
M. xoxox
amen, maitri! you are who you are, and she will bloom in every thing you write.
i would never want you to not honor your essence. i guess all i meant is that so many people of all persuasions would love your book of ladies and pugs!
Thank you Katya honey, I think that we must speak about our very specific lives and show others, by doing so, that their lives matter too, just as they are. Or so I believe in my heart…
It is soooo good to see the ladies return. Tallula is a favorite of mine too. Your ladies are darling in their imperfection. We are all a bit imperfect — a crooked nose, wrinkly eyelid, snaggle tooth whatever. You ARE definitely an artist. You create things that make people smile, make them think in a different way, make them more open to reality. Oh do keep giving us ladies and in time when that time is perefect you will know exactly what to do with them. You know, Adult coloring books are the rage now. Perhaps that is a possibility…. I can see a series of rag dolls…. Who knows what your muse will bring to you. Just have fun.
Thank you darling Paula… yes, the Ladies are back, and I can’t say for sure, and I’m not making any promises, but I think this time they might be back to find their way into the world. I have so many ideas and for now I’m just letting them be. I have a big notebook next to me here that I jot notes in off and on all day, and as ideas come I put them there and then let them be. One day those notes will find their way into a book, and one day the Ladies will find their way into a book, and somehow or other it will all come together as it should. And oh no, I could never do a coloring book! What fun would that be? I want to color then in myself!!! 😀
I hope you and the ferrets are feeling better now. I was worried about you. I hope you have a great week!
Just popping in to say how wonderful it is to see you having fun with those funky colorful ladies!
Love
Silke
Thank you Silke, it’s good to see you honey! And yes! I am having fun, the Ladies are telling me SUCH stories. We’re all glad you like them! 😀
I hope all is well for you honey. Have a wonderful week and kiss Ben on the nose for me!
Hugs,
Maitri
I’ve really missed your Ladies! I’m so happy to see them again, and even happier to see you having fun with them! Tallulah is so bright and vivid, I absolutely love her hair. Well done! xxx
Jenny! Thank you so much! I’M glad to see them too! And I’m so glad you like Tallulah, she’s my heart, my alter-ego, my teacher, my guide. We are working together to figure things out and Tallulah and all her friends are here to help me find my way. Oh what a ride it will be!
I’m sending you a big hug and lots of love, have a great week…
Maitri
Yes we have missed your ladies……..I so loved their stories, antics and colourful lives. If painting your ladies brings back your bliss, PAINT. In this world where life, to my mind, seems to be more stressful and challeging😢, to keep sane and centered, we do what we have to.😍 Moments are precious, enjoy.🖌🖍🖋🎨💖💋
Olive honey, so good to see you! And thank you, I have missed my Ladies too, and their stories, their antics, and their colorful lives! We have begun to follow our own yellow brick road to the magical land that has always been our destination. We don’t know where it will lead but we know we’re on the right path, and for now that’s all we need to know.
I hope you are well, I’m sending you lots of love…
Maitri
Happy playing, and welcome back to The Ladies and Georgia! <3
Thank you Joan, and yes, I am playing indeed! And Georgia and Tallulah are blowing you kisses, they’re up to all kinds of mischief here, and I couldn’t be happier! Onwards and upwards!
Have a great week honey!
I can’t tell you how happy I am to see your Ladies again. Whatever you decide to do with them, know they will be received with absolute delight!
Thank you dear Cathryn, I appreciate that so much. I have just finished a new lady and am getting ready to do today’s blog post. There is a balance to my work and days when I am not just writing but making art too. This is somewhat curious to me as my whole life I have been writing and only in recent years drawing and painting too, but the drawing and painting have only been a kind of playing for me, not “serious art,” and yet I am beginning to see that it engages a different part of the brain than just writing does. I’m wondering if it might be that way for you too with your photography and writing? Something interesting to think about anyway. And you know what? These Ladies bring me so much delight as well that if I never do anything with them other than to have created them for my own pleasure they will have played a very important part in my life. And that is something, isn’t it? 🙂