First of all if you did not read yesterday’s post you will not likely understand this one. I hate to be a bother but for clarity’s sake it would be best if you could go read that post.
The issue, really, is about how we get into patterns, or grooves, in our lives, and expect them to go on as they have been, but how letting go of what was and finding our way into what may be is the only way we can survive with any degree of ease and grace.
This has been coming for me for some time, years really, but when the hurricane hit September 14 my whole world was turned upside down. Still, I tried to hang on to what was, or what I thought should be.
I have been trying to figure out how I could teach again, how I could do my podcasts, my Comfort Calls (Which I put up a couple of weeks ago and removed), how I could work with people one on one. I badly need the income and this month, with the holidays, property and car taxes, a whole lot of post hurricane work, and more, makes it a positively frightening time financially for me, so I was going to try to do things that I have always done well and made income doing, but, when that hurricane hit in September it started a ball rolling through my life that was like a bowling ball heading straight at me that knocked down all the pins. The hurricane, Delilah sick and dying, the 2nd pug this year I have lost, Pugsley’s life in jeopardy, and the blood clot that will take months to (hopefully) heal, medical bills to deal with with social services and more, well, it has taken me down. Finally, we must realize that the life that was can no longer be, and as we do we must take a deep breath and let go of all that we thought would be, and accept what is.
Herein lies the rub.
Because we do care what other people think of us. We care that someone will think something like “She just put those Comfort Calls up again and she is taking them down already?” We have said we would do certain things and we are not unreliable people and we care deeply but when life comes along and whacks us down every time we get up and try again I think we have to look at that. I am looking at this very closely now.
I wrote about it yesterday. There are things I can do, and I will be doing them, but they are not, with very few exceptions, what I have thought that I would be doing. And I have watched someone whom I have cared about deeply and who has challenges start a Patreon page and then not been able to keep up what he had promised, but he had already taken money from people for the things he had offered. I can’t and won’t do that. I will create things and offer them. I won’t hedge my bets and take money promising what I will offer at some present or future time. If I have created something it is here, you can buy it if you are interested, and I have no further commitment. This is my plan.
I don’t know how to do this, but I won’t promise something and be unable to deliver. I won’t go down that slippery slope.
I am not sure how to do this, but I am trying hard to find my way. It’s all I can do right now. It will be enough. I has to.
What you say here tonight makes really good sense. One of the things Suzanne Dulin has taught me is that successful people deliver on their promises and do not make promises there is a significant possibility they may not be able to keep. Your plan to sell only what you have produced sounds like a good one.
Thank you Myra, it is surely the only way it can be. At least the only way I feel right. And dear Suzanne is very wise indeed…
i appreciate the honesty you are applying to all aspects of your life. you are getting down to the essential core of how you will live as your leg heals, your hurricane damage is slowly cleared up, your medical bills paid, etc etc etc. you will always be maitri, doing creative loving things in the world, in your own way, whether it be painting, embroidering, writing stories and/or blogs, doing fiber work, making new friends at the sunday gathering, meditating, inviting the universe to teach you what you most need to learn. I too am asking the questions about energy and how to expend it and protect it. We all learn from each other.
sending hugs
Thank you dear Ka, you know I have been struggling with this for many years because of the mental health issues. What happens for me is that I get excited about a “good idea” and try my best and mean well but when the hard days come that immobilize me I simply have a hard time just making it through the day. If I have live offerings with people and can’t live up to what I have promised that is not good. I have had very very hard years as you know and with everything that has happened this year it has made me see that the dream of creating a living with teaching, mentoring and working in a “live” context with people is not something I can reliably maintain anymore. It is a very hard heartbreaking thing for me to let go of. But there are things that I can do, and I can create and produce them and have offerings along the way. This may not create the income I would hope for but every little bit helps.
And yes my dear dear friend, we do learn from each other. I have learned so much from you and my other dear friends here. Let’s hold hands and walk through life together. It makes it so much easier to bear.
And hugs back honey, always…
M. xoxox
Whatever it takes, Maitri, you will do and you will do it to the best of your ability in the best way you know how. That’s what I believe and that’s what I know in my heart. God be with you, may He guide you, and bless you. Hugs, Memarge:)
Thank you so much dear Marge, you are so kind to me, always. And I need and appreciate the prayers so much. How does one make it through life without faith? I don’t know. And I am hugging you back dearheart. May you be blessed today and always…
Love,
Maitri
Our lives are quite similar around the issues of money and uncertainty. I appreciate your candor, even (especially) thru the hard. I don’t have too much more to say about that right now (just waking up and drinking my morning tea). But I am here with you, following you in a sort of sister solidarity, nodding and appreciating you.
Thank you so much dear Sue. Your kind note here meant so much to me. And yes, sisters we surely are. I appreciate you too and I am sending you a warm, gentle hug. May you be blessed and know that you are loved and cared for, always…