The Days, The Hours, The Moments: Day 67 ~ Improvising My Stitching (And My Life)…

Gracious! I had a whole blog post planned but when I came here to write it I couldn’t. I am working on this old laptop, so old that it won’t work unless it is kept plugged in and all kinds of things won’t work and it’s getting worse. As I am to keep my leg elevated as much as possible I have to do most of my work on this and when it came time to do the blog post I couldn’t get my images. Dropbox had to be reinstalled and it took forever and there were a ton of problems. Now it is quarter to 11 and I am really tired. But I did want to get something here and put a few thoughts down.

This stitching that I am doing has become what I call “Improv Stitching,” which essentially means that I am flying by the seat of my pants and finding my way along, kind of feeling my way in the dark, and seeing what turns up. I am allowing for unexpected changes, mistakes, sometimes what feels like unwieldy problems, but every time I get stuck and end up finding my way I gain more confidence. This is going to be a very imperfect piece but I am in love with it. 

One problem that came up is that because I had very little money to start doing this at all I bought a basic set with a starter pack of embroidery thread. And the blue flower, well, the truth is I just plain ran out of the blue I was using for the big petals before I could finish. I was stumped. And then I thought, “Wait! Who says it all has to be blue?” It’s a “Design choice!” I went with the orchid color thread and finished one petal with this color and the whole next petal and I LOVED the way it looked. I wanted to get the three little golden yellow spirals stitched before needing to take the pictures for the blog post but it was already 9:00. And so I just took a picture of how far I’d gotten. That’s okay, it’s all about process, not product right now. 

And here’s the thing, something important is happening for me as I do this. I am learning something about myself. I am learning that there are some huge changes I have to make in my work life. I am learning about my energy levels, physical issues, what that means as far as how available I can be to people in real time, and what kind of offerings are more realistic for me to offer. I don’t want to say too much about it yet but I have removed the Comfort Calls With Maitri, I will not likely do Patreon after all, but I will be adding a page to my website under the auspices of my long-time business that has been tabled for some time called “Maitri’s Heart and Hands.” This was originally the name of my etsy shop which I have had closed for some time. It was where I sold my fiber art, handspun yarns, etc. But “Maitri’s Heart and Hands” has taken on a whole new meaning for me. It will start here as a page on my website where I will offer the work of my heart and hands, eBooks and self-published works, eCourses, fiber art works, and more. In this way I can produce work that is the best of what I can do without having to be physically present in the moment which, after everything that has happened to me in the last months, has become difficult to impossible for me to do. 

This was not an easy decision. I love teaching, and I had just put the Comfort Calls up, but the way my days are going, with too much to do in every direction, still trying to get post hurricane damage dealt with, and this blood clot that has really thrown me for a loop and is not going to be a quick fix, I am beginning to see that being available to people is something that I am going to have to handle differently than I had imagined I could. I can make things, do work, create things that I love to create, and then put them up for sale, be it a book, an ecourse, or a handmade doll, say, and I don’t have to be present “live” for people. I would love to be able to do that, and some day may, but it just isn’t possible for me now. This has been a hard dream to let go of but I have had to face the fact that right now I just have no choice.

I hope people will understand. Even trying to work on this old laptop, and not be able to sit at my big desktop where I am able to do video things — I can’t at all on this laptop — limits what I can do. We all have to make the best of what we have. This is what I am trying to do.

This slow stitching has made me slow down, it has given me time to think. Sitting here with my leg up, unable to do a lot of things that I took for granted, has changed things for me. This is not a bad thing, but it is something I have to give a lot of thought to. And I am thinking.

Now it is very late, past 11. I’m not sure I’ve said all this very well because I am very tired, but I think you get the drift. I’ll be talking more about this as time goes along. For now, sweet dreams dear ones. I’m going to stitch a little more with my wee boy here in my lap. This is my life now, and despite it all it is a good one. It’s not where I expected to be just now but isn’t that life? And it’s all okay. It really is…