It’s one of the hard ones.
I don’t know what it is about Saturday nights that are especially lonely. I think perhaps because on weekdays, and weeknights, people are in their usual expected places and, well, this barely makes sense as I say it, but somehow they feel closer. Weekends people go places and do things and when you are alone you are acutely aware that you are not part of the goings on in the world. Something like that. For a time I had a friend that spent weekends here and it was so lovely, but then she stopped coming. It kind of broke my heart. Then I was alone again.
I have been thinking about this a lot. I am never going to be a going out a lot sort of person but I have got to meet people here in this town. My therapist recommended a group that meets at a church Sundays at 5. It is a spirituality group and it sounds like there could be likeminded people there. I am thinking about going.
But, I’m afraid. I’m not leaving the house much now, well, I never leave the house much, but I’m not leaving much now even moreso because of my leg, but I could go to this meeting and be there for an hour or so. And it’s really near my house. But I feel like crying when I think about going. It is really scary for me.
I wish I had something to say here tonight that was, well, something worth sharing. It’s another night when I’m having a real hard time posting anything at all, but I’m here. Maybe I’m here because I needed to reach out across the void and see if anyone was there. I don’t want to feel so alone.
I’m so choked up I can’t think of anything else to say. I’m sorry. This is a hard night…
Maitri I am so sorry you are having a hard day. We have all had those days. Lots of us are home on the weekend also. Know that you are in our hearts daily.
Gentle hugs,
Lauren
Thank you Lauren honey, you are so sweet. You are in my heart too, and I am sending you a hug as well. I really appreciate you being there honey…
Here is a subliminal for social anxiety Maitri. I use subliminals. Whatever has happened to you is now in your subconscious and its now ruling your life. It can be dealt with easily and effortlessly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAZbvlUrAqQ
Thank you Leeanne honey…
Give it a go you have nothing to lose except your anxiety. You really need to get out. I sense your loneliness and your fears are very well founded based on past experiences but its just a groove in your subconscious. Just keep listening to the audio, maybe when you meditate or sleep
Thank you Leeanne, I will listen today…
Maitri,
My friend, I think it is a day of difficulty for a lot of us. Maybe it is something out in the stars. Our phones are not working. We can only text. I am beyond exhausted tonight. Let’s hold hands across the void and know we are not alone and hold hope that tomorrow will be brighter. I love you, Maitri. 💕
Thank you sweet Maggie, I am surely holding onto your hand. Don’t let go…
And I hope your phone works today and that your granddaughter and other family members are okay. I read your blog post. I’m sorry you had such a hard day.
mercury is also retrograde. making communication more difficult. so sorry you are feeling sad and lonely. your embroidered hand and heart are so cheerful and tender and full of love. if only you could love yourself, your very inner self, so wholly!! easy to say, hard to do. but you are so worth it. write, write, write. write a love letter to your lonely self, writing about going to that church group and making a new friend! write a haiku!
well, you know me, writing as a panacea for what ails you. still…
rain, rain rain rain here, soothing…
Rain drops are falling
greening up the autumn world
soothing thirsty souls
Thank you so much dear Katya. Right now writing is hard, too much in-my-headness. I need to be out of my head, out of things that make me think too much because there is so much to be worried about and afraid of right now, which is why I have taken to stitching slowly and meditatively. It helps so much.
I’m glad you are getting some rain. It’s raining here too.
M. xoxox
I am so in tune with you about your fear regarding your leg and meeting new people and all the rest. Whatever you feel is best for you at this time is what you should do. God guide and direct you, dearest Maitri.
Thank you so much dear Marge, it’s always so good to see you here, and I appreciate your prayers so much. Bless you honey…
I understand about social anxiety and the fear of the new. I have faith in you, and that you will find a way to do what you want to do.
Thank you so much dear Sue. I am thinking about going to this gathering today. They meet at the Unitarian Church although it is not a Unitarian function. But my therapist recommended it and knows the people and said they are wonderful and she thought it would be a good fit for me. I change my mind constantly and guess I will know when it’s time to go if I will or not. I’m afraid to go but weary from being so lonely. If not today I know I will go sometime soon. I have to. I hope you have lovely holidays honey. Bless you…
Dear Maitri, I so understand the weekend thing. I feel the same way, also holidays. You know how people hate Mondays? I love them. It is the beginning of a new week and we know people are usually where we expect them to be. Or the chiropractor or doctor is open.
I also know how you feel about going out and meeting new people. This is very hard for me too.
Saturday I was so depressed all day I could hardly breathe. I went with it, didn’t fight it and it lifted. I am facing having to leave my dear chiropractor because he is not on our health insurance and it is bothering me. I keep thinking how they say when one door closes another one opens that is even better? I cannot imagine how another chiropractor could be better but I am open.
I understand about your leg too because I sleep in a recliner with my legs on a pillow.
Much love to you and hope you feel better today – Sunday.
I am tuning into my angels and hope you are too. They are around us and want to help if we can get quiet enough to listen. I know you try and so do I.
Much Love, Jean
Oh Jean honey I’m so sorry you had such a hard day yesterday and I’m so sorry about the chiropractor. These things are so hard. After the fire I could no longer afford insurance, had none, lost all my regular doctors and providers, and with time Rachel helped me find the clinic where I am on the low end of the sliding scale, and some government programs that cover my therapy and med management and now am working with Charity care for this recent hospital bill and just got some scary paperwork about all of that. It is all so overwhelming. I pray we both get things worked out and through. May our angels be with us, may we be blessed. I love you so dearly Jean. It meant so much to me to see you here this morning. I am sending you a warm hug… <3