The Days, The Hours, The Moments: Day 49 ~ And The Christmas Season Begins…

What a delightful day it’s been. I put my Christmas trees up, the one above was a gift from my best friend Jeffrey 4 years ago. I had not been back in the house very long after it had burned down and I had had to live elsewhere for 8 months. I moved back in in the fall and was in very bad shape, very depressed, the house had been beautifully rebuilt but no longer looked or felt like my house, and I had lost all of my resources, I couldn’t even afford to get gifts for my family. I was in despair. When Jeff, who knew how much I had always loved Christmas, realized I didn’t even have a tree he bought the tree above which is a 4′ prelit tree and he bought all the ornaments and the angel for the top. He brought it in here and set it all up. Since then each January when I take it down I unplug it and carry it into the garage as is and now each year I bring it out, fully decorated, and just plug it in. I clasp my hands in glee each time, as delighted as a little girl. And no tree has ever meant more because Jeff brought it to me after the worst year ever when I had lost nearly everything including my 4 beloved parrots in the fire and didn’t have it in me to celebrate. He made Christmas for me and now this little tree is more precious to me than I can tell you.

And my darling daughter Rachel and grandson Lucas came over today and got the colored lights up around the windows in the studio and in my front room where I have the little Dollar store tree I bought last year and love dearly, an inexpensive but delightful little tree that you can see out my front windows. And I got the wreaths put up in the studio and on the front door. I want to share the pictures with you because it all just makes me so happy and just goes to show that you don’t have to spend much money to have a lovely Christmas.

First of all I wanted to share with you a sweet moment I had this afternoon. I was resting in the Cozy Room with Pugsley in our big recliner where we rest and sleep. It looks into the studio and I sat watching the Christmas tree lights change colors and it was so lovely. It filled my heart with joy. My little boy and I all snuggled up and cozy and the lovely lights…

Here are closeups of Jeff’s tree with the lights around the windows that Rachel and Lucas put up. And I mention it because other people having a hand in my Christmas decorations makes them all the more special and reminds me that there are truly loving and much loved people in my life who care about me. I feel their presence as I look at the tree and the lights and feel their loving spirits here. The lights on Jeff’s tree alternate between all white lights and colored lights. I just love that…

And I have a little wreath on the inside of the studio door that I love. It was inexpensive and the lights are scant and not bright but I love the cardinals and think it is very sweet…

After the fire I never could feel at home here. I had spent a very long time collecting vintage and antique things for my little Dragonfly Cottage and had taken great care to fix up my 1970’s vintage home that looked and felt so cozy people said it was like a doll’s house. It was so charming. But that terrible night when everything burned and I lost all of my beloved things that took me years to collect everything that I had been working toward creating for 15 years was gone. I moved back into a newly built home — they had only been able to rebuild because it is a brick house on a concrete slab and that’s all that was left, everything through the roof was gone, no interior walls, nothing else was left — so my sweet little vintage cottage was no more, it was a new house for all intents and purposes and it didn’t look or feel like mine, and I had no money to replace the things that were lost. I drifted about like a ghost in this house for 3 years, didn’t decorate or do anything for Christmas except to put up Jeff’s tree, but last year something shifted. I didn’t have the money to do much but I bought a little tree at the Dollar store and put it up in the front room. It was a tiny pre-lit tree and I bought a box of ornaments for a dollar, and I fell in love with my little tree. It sits in the front window you can see from the street, and this year I got colored lights to put around windows in the studio and front room. Rachel and Lucas put those up today. Here is my little Dollar Store tree from the inside and from outside on the front porch…

And finally last year I bought a wreath for the front door. I found one on clearance, just what I wanted, one that lit up with colored lights. I was as tickled as a little girl to find one and I just love it…

I miss having a real tree but I have found some lovely naturally scented candles called “Christmas Tree” that make the whole house smell Christmasy and I am just delighted. It is the first official day of the Christmas season and I am learning to live my way into my home. I would like to get a couple of little things each year to add to my decorations, and for me it will come from the Dollar store but that’s okay by me. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make a lovely Christmas, it’s all about what’s in your heart and my heart is filled with the spirit of Christmas, with overflowing love, and joy.

I was telling Jeff something tonight that I always remember. My mother, when she was dying a very hard death of cancer, and had gone blind, was in a lot of pain, and going through unimaginable things said to me every time we talked, “Every day is a good day, it is what you make it.” Until she died, for as long as she was able, she made each day the best she could. We had had a lifetime of difficulties between us, but that’s what I want to hold in my heart, those words, “Every day’s a good day, it is what you make it.” It has been a very hard time for me, a lot of loss, challenges, and much fear about my health and more, but I have given all I am willing to give to grief. Now I want to reach for all the love, and all the joy that I can.

In 1513 Fra Giovanni wrote an incredibly beautiful letter that has inspired people through the generations that have followed. In it is a line I carry in my heart, “The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy…” I have lived with gloom too much of my life. Now, I seek joy. I do not have blinders on, I know all the sadness and hard things in the world, you can’t escape them, but I can’t live mired in that. I do what I can for others, and finally, I must reach for all the joy I can. Today I have done just that. It is Christmas time. I am ready to celebrate.

Happy Holidays everyone. I am sending you more love than you can imagine. I am holding you close and sending you a gentle warm hug. You are cherished. Know that. I feel so happy tonight…