The Days, The Hours, The Moments: Day 46 ~ A Perfect Night and The Gift Of Each Day…

Last night was a perfect night. A little after 6 I took Pugsley out, then got him his dinner, made mine, and we snuggled into our big recliner where I could put my feet up lean back and stretch out my legs, and settle in with my embroidery and favorite Thanksgiving movies to watch. I actually watched 2 movies last night because I got such an early start, 2 movies that I love and have seen often. Pieces of April, and What’s Cooking? I thoroughly enjoyed them both. Entertaining, heart-warming, feel good movies. I got up between the two and took Pugsley out again and settled back in. It was just a lovely evening.

There has been so much going on for what feels like so long I can’t remember what life was like before the hurricane. It was only 4 weeks past the hurricane when I ended up in the emergency vet in the middle of the night with Delilah that started nearly 2 intense weeks of doctor’s visits for her before she passed and 2 weeks after that that I ended up at the hospital for an ultrasound and found out about the blood clot. Now we are heading into the holidays and there is so much to do, or so much that needs to be done, and I can’t do most of it right now. My brain has been spinning trying to figure out how to do life now, amidst being afraid of the health implications, but finally I had to get off the merry-go-round of my thoughts and just be still, and so last night I watched movies and stitched along the outlines of the heart that will be colored in to the center in many colors and it is very slow going and soothing and a relief. I can’t do everything I would like to do but I can do this, and right now it’s enough.

Today I have therapy, and afterwards I am going to get my hair cut. I go to “Great Clips” 2 minutes from therapy, one of those $12 haircut places. It doesn’t take long and will make me feel a lot better. It will be a big outing for me all together because I haven’t gone out since I came home from the hospital and clinic a week ago. I will go into the grocery store next to where I get my hair cut for a couple of things quickly and that will be it. Not a big day out but a few things done and back home to Pugsley and to put my feet up. I am inching through the days slowly and carefully.

And Pugsley? He is settling in to being an only dog. He came to me in 2011 into a household where he was one of 4 dogs. He has never been alone until Delilah died, before Tanner died in April there were at least 3 pugs here for a very long time. He has separation anxiety and I have been very worried about him. I don’t leave him often or long but last week on Tuesday when I had to go to the clinic and then to get medication I was gone for 3 hours and the next day the trip to the hospital and back to the clinic I was gone for 4 1/2 hours. He was nearly beside himself with joy when I got home both days but he was okay. I think we have crossed a hurdle. We are settling in to being one woman with one dog, and, while I still feel grief-stricken over the 2 pugs I have lost this year, I am finding a peace in there being just this one little dog and I, and it is the way it will be for me for the rest of my life. Since the fire I have struggled with managing vet bills, my biggest worry. I had the dogs I’d had of course and would care for them as long as I was blessed with them but I can no longer afford multiple dogs. I am seeing that life with one dog is a lovely thing too. Pugsley and I are doing alright.

There have been so many changes in the last year. In October 2017 I went on the ketogenic diet. It changed my life in such truly amazing ways I was filled with excitement about all that I thought was before me, a time of concentrating on health and my work. I had no way of knowing all that would happen this year, all the losses, and heartbreaks, and the current health challenge, but I am taking care of my life in every way I possibly can. Today I weighed 269.0. I started the ketogenic diet 13 months ago at 333 pounds. I am down 64 pounds and counting. And though I have a blood clot in my leg which is being addressed my blood work was perfect, in the normal range. I am in good shape in many ways and I am keto for life. It is simply the best thing I have ever done for myself and I feel better, despite the blood clot, than I ever knew I could feel in my life.

Now I inch through the days slowly, and as Thanksgiving comes in two days I am counting my blessings and they are many. My children and grandchildren are safe and healthy and we are all close. They stay in close touch, the two kids and their families that live out of town, and my darling Rachel and her family are here. I have dear friends that I treasure both in person and online. I have work that I will be finding my way into in the year ahead, and for now, well, I am taking care of myself, and my wee boy, and every day is a miracle and a blessing. I take nothing for granted, especially since this blood clot, which was an awakening of sorts. Maybe we have to live through these crises in life to truly appreciate what we do have, all of our many blessings, as well as how precious it is just to be alive and to be able to be here at all. Everything is different after all I have been through this year, everything is different and exactly as it should be, as it can only be as long as we are alive. I am accepting that and not taking anything, not one moment for granted.

Today, like all days, is a gift. I am grateful. From here I will simply carry on.