The Days, The Hours, The Moments: Day 259 ~ The Pause That Tea Allows…

There are days that, were it not for that pause that tea allows, I think a good many of us wouldn’t make it. As the British say a cup of tea will cure anything. Well, it won’t exactly cure anything in my book, but it sure helps.

Did you ever have one of those days when nothing was really so much wrong, and you weren’t really sick, just kind of sniffly with an unwell sort of feeling, and you were tireder than usual, and then things that you might normally have taken more in stride completely undo you? That was me today. And it was a bigger thing than perhaps I am allowing, as you will understand if you read my blog post a couple of weeks back when I went on and on about how happy I was to have found Dennis, my new yard man, who absolutely worked miracles in my garden in front, got my whole yard shaped up front and back, and even said, “My mother has passed but if she was still here I hope someone would take care of her. I will take care of you, I will look out for you and help make things beautiful here…” And he said more. And I literally wept from relief because my previous yard man who had come for nearly 2 years, and who did a wonderful job, and who I had really come to care about, just up and quit with no notice or explanation leaving me really in a bind and by the time Dennis came two weeks ago the place looked unkempt and like a jungle. Dennis made it beautiful with promises to continue on. In my mind’s eye I saw a beautiful partnership that would last for years to come.

Yesterday he called to say it had been a couple of weeks and it was time to do a last mowing for the season and clean up the yard (the pine straw from the giant pines that surround my house in front completely covers the yard this time of year and the leaves are coming down in the back needing clean up). I said that would be great. We had previously agreed on a price for this type of regular maintenance, and what he would do for the amount we agreed on. He told me he would be here between 9 and 10. By 11:30 he still wasn’t here and when I called him he sounded funny. He said he was on his way but it still took awhile for him to get here. The job he should have done should have taken about 3 hours. It’s what we agreed on, it’s what my previous yard man did, it’s what this yard takes because, front and back, I have a very large yard. He came, he was here for not more than an hour if that, he didn’t do anything but the bare minimum, I paid him because I didn’t really understand until he left how little he had really done, and he was gone.

When I called him later in the day I was very kind and said to him I needed him to help me understand what happened, why so much was left undone. The long and the short of it was he just didn’t do it, wasn’t apologetic, and said he wasn’t going to do yard maintenance anymore and that was that. I was in shock, I was heartbroken, disappointed, and at a loss. It is so hard to find someone reliable to do this work, and I am telling you if you are an older woman alone people will try their best to take advantage of you and in the 10 years I’ve lived here I have had so many different people do this yard I’ve lost count. I cannot hire a lawn maintenance service which charges SO much money I cannot begin to afford it on a fixed income. I cried. I took a xanax which I rarely do. And, finally, I made a cup of tea.

The tea set me right one way or another. I got myself up and did chores. Took care of the birds and Molly. Gathered up all the trash and recycling in the house, took it out, and rolled the barrels to the curb. I fed all the little ones their dinner but can’t even eat myself. I had a little chicken for lunch but am just sipping tea right now. I am tired. And I am worried.

The struggle with aging is that while your physical strength wanes, and, for myself and so many others, your income diminishes, or you find yourself living on a small fixed income, the demands of life can become greater. Health concerns, maintaining your home, and more. We strive to make do, to find a balance, and one way or another things work out, family and dear friends will help as they can, things that seemed essential one finally lets go of, and, if we are lucky, and I do consider myself lucky, we have our health, our family, our beloved animal companions, a little garden, work that we love, even if it isn’t income producing, it is soul nourishing, and we carry on. As I wrote the other day I feel deep gratitude for what I have, and I thank God for it every single day. But these days are hard, a new helper must be found, and I am weary from the struggle of starting over again.

Thankfully the grass has been cut for the last time this year. The leaves and pine straw should be dealt with next month and I hope I can find someone to help me but I may not be able to. Still, things will work out one way or another, as they always do, and there is always tea, and my sweet little dog, and my birds chittering and cheeping and chattering around me. And I have a windowsill full of flowers I just picked this morning. I shall carry on, as one does. Life goes on…