The “Before” Picture, 4-28-16
Tomorrow is my 62nd birthday. I was at my daughter’s house last night and I asked her to take my “Before” picture as I have just joined Weight Watchers almost 2 weeks ago, and I joined the gym 3 weeks ago, and I am going to do this this time. Why this time? And how do I know I will make it? Because at 62 I am either going to stick with it and do it or just admit to myself I never am, and the latter just isn’t something I am comfortable with. And as my zen teacher once asked me, “If not, why not? If not now, when?” When indeed? No more time for excuses, when is now.
There is nothing scarier than posting a picture at your full weight when you have over 100 pounds to lose, but if you don’t have the “Before” picture you can’t appreciate the “After” or all the little milestones along the way. And further, when you have a lot of weight to lose if you don’t fully love yourself as you are in the now, really gently and kindly face yourself in the mirror each day and say, “I love you just as you are, and I love you enough to see you be even better,” you will never make it when it is a long haul and going to take a significant amount of time. So I am practicing self love along with working the Weight Watchers program and working out at the gym.
Too, the last time I wrote here I was just contemplating going back to church. Well, I will be attending my 4th service this Sunday and it feels so good to be back at Church. I go to Unity and it is such a beautiful, upbeat, loving place to go that it reenforces everything I am doing outside of church. Body, mind, and spirit must all be addressed and taken care of. I have a good therapist that I work with weekly or bi-weekly to address the mind component so I am fully covering all my bases.
Today I shared the above picture with my Facebook friends. These are friends that are very dear to me and very loving, kind, and supportive. Their loving support is very helpful to me with this journey, and along with the other members in my Weight Watchers meetings it is a place for me to share my successes and challenges and have accountability along the way. We can’t do this alone.
I have also realized something that kind of startled me, but I think it is right. I have been suffering with agoraphobia for a number of years now, and a big part of it, I have come to believe, has come from having gained so much weight and carrying it for so many years. I feel shy and embarrassed to go out at this weight. It’s easier not to. You are not comfortable, or energetic, or looking your best when you have over one hundred pounds to lose. It has practically made a hermit of me. It hasn’t just been the weight, of course, but I am just realizing how much it has contributed. I asked my trainer at the gym in my circuit training class if other people who have so much to lose do the class and he said, “Oh yes, you will make it, you will get used to it.” I also do the stationary bike for 30 minutes. It is hard for me, but I am doing it. I will be going to do it again today. I am doing 3x a week and soon maybe 4x a week. I cannot believe I am doing it, but I can tell you that I know there’s no way now that I would not be doing it. There simply is no choice. To stop now would be a defeat that would be crushing to my spirit. I simply love myself enough not to do that.
There are things in my life now that I have no control over and they scare me, most especially having my house on the market. I’ve been afraid of showing it because I have to leave with all four dogs, and I’ve been afraid because it hasn’t been shown enough. We are about to lower the price. I’m afraid it won’t sell and afraid of when it does because I have to be out by closing and where will I go? And then I have to find a place to live so I will likely have to move twice. There are so many unknowns and variables that I have been really afraid, but taking care of myself in these other ways, taking charge of my life and taking the time to love and care for myself is making me stronger so that facing the scary things gets a little easier and now I visualize and affirm that the house will sell with ease, and with a smooth transition from one house to another. Some how it’s easier to believe because I am believing in me more than I have in a very long time. I am confident that I can handle whatever comes along.
So here I go, onwards and upwards! It’s time to get into my gym clothes and head out. And I will record my food in my food journal and count my points for Weight Watchers. And I will look at the woman in the mirror and tell her that she is a brave, strong old gal and she will one day be a kickin’ old lady! That’s my goal! I am going to get all of this weight off within the next 1-2 years and build a practice of physical exercise which I have never really done, and tend the spirit at church, and the mind with my therapist and I will love all the bits and pieces and parts of me. What else is there? If not, why not? If not now, when? I’m on my way.
Maitri, I am so proud of you. You WILL succeed. Oh how you have grown. A thought occurred to me about your concerns about your house selling and having little time to find a new home. When we purchased our house and closed about 5 weeks before Christmas, the young couple said they wanted to spend one more Christmas with their daughter. So they rented from us. They paid the first payment for us in lieu of rent and 10 days after Christmas we moved into our home. It worked out perfectly. so there is always a solution, right? And darling girl, just wait until you see that “after” picture pinned up next to the “before” one. We’ll just have to have a big online party. Congratulations on such wonderful progress. Who says life begins at 40, it begins when you finally have the nerve to begin. You go girl!!!!
Thank you so much Paula, for everything, and especially, and I love this, “It begins when you finally have the nerve to begin.” And thank you SO much for the encouraging story about how your sale worked out. I really appreciate hearing that! Sending you lots of love and a big warm hug…
Maitri
each new a day day
to remember what is true
beauty is in you
!
xo
ka
Thank you so much darling Ka, I appreciate the inspiring haiku!
Love you lots dear sister,
Maitri
What a wonderful post! And I love the part about being fine with yourself to start with. A lot of people say, well once I lose the weight I’ll feel better about myself. Phooey. That time is now, before the pounds come off. Otherwise one is never satisfied. You’re doing a wonderful job and you’re a great inspiration. Onwards and upwards!
Thank you so much Valerie honey, and I truly believe that. If I don’t fully love myself now I am never going to love myself. I just love myself enough to want to be the best self I can be and I am on my way to giving myself that gift. Onwards and upwards indeed! 🙂
Love you sister,
Maitri
Maitri,
You ARE a brave, strong gal! Kudos to you for putting yourself out there in so many ways and nurturing yourself in body, mind and spirit.
Just wonderful.
Joan
Thank you so much Joan honey, I really appreciate the encouragement and support. Sending lots of love to you! Hugs…
Maitri
Bravo! You are wonderful and inspiring! I have over 100 pounds to lose and understand everything you’ve written about! Again, bravo! You will do it… Much love and peace on this journey!
Thank you so much Laura, you are very kind and I appreciate your encouraging words. Best to you too…
Love,
Maitri
Maitri,
Sending you love and hugs. I’m quite confident that you’ll be moving along into your 60’s with better energy and health, as you continue to get out there and move more, eat healthy food, etc.
Such an inspirational post, for so many reasons. Thanks.
Thank you so much Lisa. I am working at it. And I’m glad you enjoyed the post. That means a lot to me. You are so welcome.
Blessings and Love,
Maitri
You’ve already succeeded Maitri, actually you’ve hit the ball out of the ballpark. Every goal you’ve set for yourself you are accomplishing, Church, weight Watchers, gym, what incredible accomplishments. I’m so very proud of you, what a journey you’ve been on, and wowza look how far you’ve travelled. You are an amazing lady…my shero. Huge hugs, you got this!
Thank you so much Teresa, there are a lot of new things in my life and I am working on them with all my heart. I appreciate, so much, your kind words and loving support. It means the world to me, more than you know. And big hugs back to you as well. Keep me in your prayers as I do you in mine…
Love,
Maitri
Yeay! I am happy to hear that you are making all these changes in your life and that you have the energy to do so. This is amazing! Ich wish, you all the best on your journey! Hugs from Switzerland, Corinna
Thank you so much dear Corinna, I appreciate your good wishes, and I will hold them in my heart as I travel this road before me. Travel safely and well dear friend…
Love,
Maitri
Wow Maitri! You are certainly facing that wall of things that have been holding you back and busting right through it! No obstacle can hold you back! As dear Teresa said, “You got this”!
I too have struggled with my weight and often used it as my excuse not to participate in life. Very slowly I changed my thinking and one year later I am 60 lbs lighter and feel so much better! I still have 30-40 to go, but with all my lifestyle changes and new mindset, like you, it will eventually come off!
In the meantime, let’s live life to the fullest and celebrate every little milestone!
I’m so happy for you and I’m cheering you on and wishing you belated birthday blessings too!
I love you dear friend, and am so proud of all you’ve accomplished!
Sending love and support and hugs from New York! ???
Donna
Thank you so much Dear Donna,
It is a long road ahead of me but I am ready to make the journey. And congratulations to you for all you have done, that is marvelous! And yes we need to celebrate every step along the way and love ourselves along the way so that we can face whatever comes.
Love and blessings and a hug to you dearheart,
Maitri
I loved reading this. Especially the very last part. You are inspiring people. I am looking forward to seeing your beautiful journey. xo
Mermie
Thank you so much Mermie honey, it’s so good to see you here. And thank you for your kind words. Your encouragement and support just means the world to me…
Hugs,
Maitri
Dear Maitri,
Belated Happy Birthday! I see you are giving yourself a wonderful gift, that of self-improvement. You are such a loving and caring woman who is moving forward and loving herself! I am so very happy for you and the puggies. Keep thinking positive and keep moving forward. With love, Lisa
Thank you so much Lisa honey and yes, I gave myself a gift for my 62nd birthday and that was a way to good health and loving care of myself, the greatest gift there is. And I appreciate your good wishes and love, it means more than I can say…
Hugs,
Maitri