I cannot believe it has been so long since I did a blog post but the truth is that just getting through a day now is full of challenges and I move so slowly that snails are passing me on the road of life. I can no longer drive, I sold my car last year before the holidays because it wasn’t being used, have left my house twice in the past year, using the transportation service through the senior center to go to the doctor last November and in May and other than that I just don’t leave my house. I can’t garden, I can’t go anywhere, and without my Patrons supporting me (and I don’t just mean financially though that is a godsend to me) they surround me with so much love, and kindness, and support, and extras and make me feel so much less alone. The downward spiral I’ve been on these last 3+ years has gone faster and faster and I have been simply terrified, and dizzy. But finally one comes to the place where they have to make a decision. I could have a perpetual pity party for the rest of my life and God only knows how long that might be, or I could fill myself with gratitude, create happiness and joy for myself in my own way, and that’s I what I have been learning to do.
I have been struggling with my book because I want it to be text and art and I love both, but as I told my Patrons in our weekly podcast last night (I record a 45 minute podcast called “Touch With Voice” for my Patrons only to feel closer to them and just doing them has made me feel so much less alone. Last night I did the 15th one and anyone who joins Patreon for as little as 5 dollars a month will get every single thing I have created including a ton of downloadable art and more.) the problem I’m having is, well, if you’ve been around here for awhile you know how I write. It is on the serious side, deep and meaningful, and one of the things I plan to do is record my journey becoming so disabled and still finding ways to make a happy life for myself. But while I love my art it doesn’t look/feel as serious as what I’m writing.
My Patrons get every single page I create as downloads and will get the book when finished as an eBook. It will be published on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback. I am working it out in my mind now, all the hows and whys and wherefores, but why shouldn’t an older lady who has become so disabled and lost so much of her life NOT include art that is joyful or touching or whatever it happens to be? That is my current focus. I’ve as good as written the whole book in countless notebooks and I’ve created a lot of art but this isn’t an illustrated book like a children’s book, it is a book with occasional pieces of art, and you see, for me, when I am in a lot of pain, which I often am, making art, “making up” imaginary creatures like in the picture above (i.e. yes, that is a Maine Coon Cat around my shoulders, her name is Mabel Rose and she is very real to me, but of course they don’t come in turquoise, except in my world and she’s very real to me here.) Some of the creatures in my paintings are real like my darling Molly, a chihuahua/corgi mix (chigi) with one eye, and Cornelius the house mouse, who is real in my heart, I used to have a pet mouse and I’d get another one except Molly would probably go insane! and there are characters as you see above drifting over from “Maisie’s World” like Wanda, the Rainbow, Transgender, Ex-Showgirl Snail, who I swear to you though I’m the only one that can see her, she is very real to me!
So that’s what’s going on here now and for those of you who know The Spoon Theory I have used up 3 days worth of spoons writing this post. That’s why I don’t write more often, but I do send a lot to my Patrons, because living on Social Security and more meds than I can count, the financial support is saving me right now, and I adore my Patrons, they are my family, and they are keeping me going during the hardest time of my life. They get, and deserve, most of the spoons I can muster.
I have missed you all so much, and you are ever in my heart and thoughts. I hope you are well, and I hope you will consider joining us on Patreon. Help me get this book out to help others who suffer and have no idea how much help and how many resources are available to them. That is my mission, and I mean that with my whole heart.
Blessings and love to each and every one of you…
