It is 7:20 p.m. I am having a cup of yogurt and a glass of wine. I’m nervous to tell you that but there you go. Life is not normal. Or maybe it IS normal. Who can tell anymore? I just got off the phone with my best friend. I am really afraid for him. There is a sense of foreboding.
I really don’t want to talk to anybody, I just need to send thoughts out into the void. I finished the first intuitive piece in my sketchbook, as seen above, and a powerful message was revealed, but it is deeply personal, I will not be sharing it. And yet… I do wonder if it speaks to you? Of course you needn’t tell me what it says to you, but if it resonated with you I would like to know that. Suddenly I feel like a powerful mirror, like these pages might one day be a deck of cards that might help people connect with their own intuitive inner voices. I wouldn’t put words on them like Tarot or Oracle Decks do because the image itself would be meant to speak to the person viewing the card in such a personal way that I wouldn’t want any words on the card to interfere. I am finding that so many oracle decks that I have and truly love and find beautiful would speak to me far more deeply if there were no words or little booklets to tell you what the cards meant. Who can tell you that? I think no one should. Good Lord how did I get off on that tangent?
I started to say, or rather the thought flashed through my mind, that I wished I could go away and hide in a cave with only Molly and my sketchbooks and art supplies so that I could just paint and paint and paint until every single thing I have inside of me was expressed, as though once the thoughts and feelings were expressed in a visual form, made manifest, made tangible, I might better understand this life that started in nearly 2 decades of serious abuse, and was fraught with tragedy and terror and yet beauty and joy laced throughout. How does someone ever make sense of that? What is one to do with it? I am terrified of everything and yet steadfast in my determination to do my work because I believe it matters. I worry every day how to bring more Patrons to Patreon so I have the financial support to get this work out into the world and yet I know that that is the last thing I should be thinking about, and yet, I am human after all.
I have so much I want to say, and yet what if it is not me saying it? What if we really are, as human beings, human bodies, simply vehicles for spirit to use as a way to bring messages through. I am willing to be that vehicle, that vessel, that portal. And I realize that when I write things that others would find ludicrous or truly perhaps the thoughts of the mentally ephemeral being I often feel that I am in fact I believe it is the deepest, truest, most real truth of who I am, who any of us are. I am not afraid to be thought crazy. I have lived with that most of my life.
Oh, the most puzzling, yet magical and amazing thing is that I thought the work was about Maisie, and the Maisie work is real, and I am doing it, and yet I am finding that Maisie herself is singularly responsible for getting me to a place where I might actually heal enough to live more than I ever thought possible, and my path to that place is this new work in the sketchbook that is so powerful the actual page quivers with life, is luminous, luminescent, otherworldly, thrilling, scary, real, and true and I don’t really know anything about it and somewhere deep inside of me I know it is exactly why I am here.
I don’t mind sounding crazy. Tonight I just needed to say it all.
It sounds like you’re reaching new, deeper levels of healing and transformation, work which is asking to unfold now, during the rebirth season of Spring. Perhaps there is a source of conflict here: do you focus on bringing forth Maisie and the book or focus on the Deep Work? Can you do both, or alternate?
You don’t sound crazy to me. This is a story from a Mystic Priestess, recognized by a Mystic Priestess. If you need to withdraw to focus on the work at this time, do so. Don’t let anyone try to persuade you otherwise.
Oh Victoria your comment here just knocked me OUT!!! Something is happening inside of me that I think very few people will understand but YOU do! This is Deep Work, and how it affects everything else in my life I can’t say in this moment but I know I have to do it and Maisie is the midwife to it all in an unexplainable way so I know that I will still do her but I think perhaps in a very different way than I ever imagined. The thoughts tonight are so deep they are in a wordless place so I don’t know what else to say but thank you sister, thank you, thank you, thank you…
Much love,
Maitri
The first thing I thought before I saw Victoria’s response to you was to tell you that you aren’t crazy. I also agree with her about alternating or concentrating on one product and then the other in whichever order it calls to you. The ingredients in my “soup” in creativity are still being gathered and I’m not rushing anything. If it means I only produce one masterpiece in my life, that’s going to be it. Hugs, Memarge:)
Ah sweet Marge how wise you are. I have been birthing something all week that not only is new work I will be doing and offering in several ways, but it is work that SUPPORTS my Maisie work and my own personal life so I am very excited about it. The thing is each of us are distinctly different human beings, with a variety of skills and talents and ways of doing and being that makes us each as unique and individual as a snowflake. I am thrilled to be in this place and I wish the same to you dear friend.
Blessings and love, prayers and more, always and always…
Maitri
Your beautiful pulsing painting says to me COSMIC KNOWING. The light of truth, the deep faith that we are on the path, the no-holds-barred trust in one’s work and life. You are not a “one-hit” wonder. The Maisie work is a delightful album of her/your reality, and the so called “abstract” or “deep” work is just another modality of enlightenment. Don’t forsake one for the other, just keep gathering the pieces, the insights, the marvels, all of which are your legacy.
xo
ka
Oh my Darling Beautiful Ka, all you say is so powerful, so deeply touching, and so spot on and it has gone leaps and bounds beyond what I ever imagined a Maisie book would be. I have to start over with a new format, but I am SO excited!!! I will be talking about it in the first ever “Moments With Maitri” weekly video this week, but let me tease you with this, you know that of course it won’t be anything like the original but all my “working life”, for decades, I have wanted to create something, in my own way of course, very very specific, inspired by something I hold very dear to my heart. Okay, are you ready? Do you remember The Whole Earth Catalog of the late 60’s and 70’s? THAT is my inspiration for Maisie’s book and oh honey I am going to do this no matter how long it takes. It is the dream of a lifetime, Maisie will be the spokesperson, but there will be amazing, exciting, and over-the-top content. Stay tuned sister, and hold on to your hat!!!
Love,
M. xoxox
Maitri, it’s always hard. But you’re an inspiration for so many of us.. Sending love and energy.
Oh Sweetheart you are so kind… I send you love right back and I am looking so forward to seeing you all in tomorrow night’s Zoom meeting! Will have much to tell you then and can’t wait to read all about what you all have been up to!
Love,
Maitri