Waking Up To What Is

It is the dawning of a new day.

321 days ago I set out to find happiness, or to find out how I could find happiness, and it has taken me this long to realize what my biggest stumbling block to happiness is. It has been holding onto what no longer is and can never be again, and not simply accepting what is, as it is, and making the most of it. This sounds so simple but it’s not. We think we have long since let go of things that continue to haunt our dreams and cast shadows on our days… “If only I had… If only I hadn’t… If only they would… Please, please, please let it be different… What can I do to make him, her, them do ________________ so everything will be the way it used to be (or never was)? What if? Surely it must be possible to… How can I make it be so? I’ll do anything to make it be so!”

Well I did. Or didn’t. And they are doing what they must do for themselves in their own lives and that doesn’t mean they don’t love me. And I have spent so much time lamenting the passing of what was and can never be again that the present moment was ever and always slip-sliding away. And today, suddenly, for some reason that I cannot understand, the most miraculous thing happened. I saw what is, right now, in this moment. And I saw that the past is past, and that the future will be more gloriously happy if I show up, right now, in this moment, and make the most of it, celebrate it, feel all the love and the joy as it is right here, and right now, and accept it all.

Acceptance is the most powerful thing there is. How much of our lives do we spend/lose wishing some things hadn’t happened, afraid that some things will happen, and agonizing over the fact that we can’t make things be like we want them to be? Things will seldom be exactly what we want them to be when there are other people involved, but if we accept what is, and make the most of it, and find ways to give more of ourselves to the present moment, and love big and love more expansively exactly what is, well, I think that’s where miracles can occur.

I know that I am being very vague. What I am writing about is too personal and involves other people so I cannot be more specific, but suffice it to say that today I had a breakthrough, and it has been a long time coming. Today I saw what was instead of what I wanted/wished/hoped it would be, and in that moment I was set free, and in that freedom I was able to feel greater joy, more love, and more possibility for future happiness than I dreamed might be possible.

Things will not be what I wanted them to be. But things are lovely and beautiful right now, as they are. Today that is enough. Now perhaps I just might find happiness afterall, now maybe there is hope for me. I woke up to what is, and let go of what can never be. This is the only way to find peace. I think I have just begun to find my way.