My darling (10 year old) baby girl Delilah on a better day…

Yesterday had been a good day. The pugs were well, and Noni came by and helped string up lights on the windows on the front porch before we headed out to a movie. I wrote a light-hearted post about it last night. When I got home from the movie the pugs were dancing all about as always excited that Mama was home. I walked them and fed them and they both gobbled up their dinner as always and we came into the studio here. They slept snuggled up close around me on blankets and in beds as I wrote and worked. It was a normal night, until it wasn’t.

We got ready for bed and snuggled in our chair between 10:30 and 11. For an hour Delilah sat up — she would always just snuggle up to me and go to sleep — but she wouldn’t settle, I couldn’t figure out what was happening. She wouldn’t lay down and then she wanted down off the chair and went under it. Alarmed I got up and picked her up to see what was going on. Her right eye was all cloudy and when I tried, gently, to turn her little face to get a better look she screamed out in pain. I immediately called the emergency vet hospital and after a quick call jumped up and threw on clothes. At midnight we were on our way there.

She was in such terrible pain it was frightening. They took her right back, came out to me and talked to me about the tests they’d need to do and I signed off on them but the tech came out a short time later to say that the eye was really bad, it was serious, and she was in so much pain they couldn’t even do the tests. They had given her a shot of pain medication and put some numbing drops in her eye. They were going to wait a bit for the pain medication to kick in, and so it went. We were there until 3 a.m. They checked what they could and said it was a very serious, very deep perforated ulcer. She would have to be seen by the veterinary ophthalmologist whose practice was on the other side of the building as soon as she got in at 8. I have been there with other pugs, they are prone to eye issues, Pugsley had to deal with a similar but not as serious an issue in June but his was nasty too and took weeks of treatment. His eye, thankfully, recovered. Delilah’s is worse, deeper, and there is fear of it rupturing, or needing surgery.

We left the hospital at 3 with Delilah heavily sedated. After getting her settled and seeing that she finally was going to sleep I slept a little bit. The alarm went off at 7:30 and I jumped up, got them out to the potty and fixed their breakfast. I’d been given an antibiotic eye drop and pain medication for Delilah which I administered but she wouldn’t eat. At 8 I was on the phone with the eye specialist and we were out the door on our way there.

My tiny girl is in terrible pain, the eye is really bad. The vet said we might be able to save the eye with a very aggressive treatment plan. I came home with 6 medications after they administered the first doses of everything in the office. 3 different kinds of eyedrops, 4-6 times a day, 2 different kinds of medication by mouth, a very rigorous course of antibiotics, pain medication. I take her back on Monday and between now and then I have to be extremely cautious, keep a close eye on her, she was to wear the cone because if she bumps or rubs her eye it could rupture which would mean immediate surgery. I take her back in on Monday to reassess and the vet told me not to feed her before I bring her in case they have to do surgery that day.

I brought her home and gave her the two meds by mouth she had to have at home with food. I wrapped them in cheese and she ate them. She wouldn’t eat her breakfast before we went but she did after her pills in cheese. I then got her settled in and made a big chart of all of the meds and a schedule for them. So many meds, multiple times a day, on different schedules. I just did all of the 3 p.m. meds an hour ago, took both pugs out to the potty, and came in, relieved that she was showing an interest in wanting to drink water which she hadn’t all day and took the cone off so she could drink. Put the cone back on. We came in here to the studio and once again she went over to the water bowl in here. Took the cone off. She drank water again. Put the cone back on. Now she is snuggled in by my feet resting. Soon the pain medicine will kick in and she will hopefully go back to sleep.

I didn’t know how to write a blog post today. Frankly today I questioned being able to do not only a post today but how to keep up doing this. I am worn down from the hurricane and it’s aftermath that I am still dealing with and will be for some time. Monday I spent the morning on the phone with the insurance companies crying between calls. It is all so wearing. Now this. I have cancelled my Sunday night writing class for this week. I don’t know what will happen beyond this week. Delilah is my priority, is requiring round the clock care, and I won’t know anything until we make it to the appointment on Monday. If she ends up needing surgery then we could be dealing with more long-term healing and care and I don’t know what I will be able to commit to. I will try to keep up with this blog. Frankly, in this moment, it is just one day at a time.

I need to ask for your prayers. Serious prayers. Over the last dozen years I have adopted 11 pugs, mostly seniors, some disabled. They have been and are my sweethearts, but seniors come with challenges. I lost 3 seniors when they had to go under anesthetic. That can be a danger. One little girl died at the very office I am taking Delilah to now when she was having surgery to have an eye removed. The idea of Delilah possibly needing surgery terrifies me. I can’t lose her, I just can’t, I can’t bear the thought, so I am begin vigilant and rigorous about her care.

If you write to me and I don’t write back know how much I love and appreciate you but that I am struggling here. I love you and appreciate, more than I can say, the prayers and support. I’m just doing the best I can.