The Struggle Is Real

Yes, that used to be me, every morning, or rather that’s how I felt taking that first sip of coffee. Sigh. The keto diet is a grand thing, I’m glad to be on it, I’m happy to have given up sugar and I don’t crave sweets except for the sugar in my morning coffee. See Julie Andrews, above, singing with a heart full of joy? That’s how that first sip always made me feel. I am sitting here, sipping my keto/bulletproof sort of coffee, and it’s drinkable, but I am not singing, I am not excited and thrilled to be sitting here, having that first sip, and ready to conquer the day. In fact during months of debilitating depression the thought of that creamy coffee with sugar was a big impetus to get up at all. I am simply bereft. I am keto all the way, I am going to stay on it, I am not going to put sugar in my coffee, but I am sad every single morning when I take that first sip. The struggle is real, and I don’t know how to get past it.

Stevia/Truvia is positively DREADFUL in coffee. And I am not the only one who thinks so. My dear friend Noni says it makes her gag. We both agreed that we could do stevia in tea but in coffee? Oh HELL no. I bought the sweetener called Swerve that is mainly erythritol. Nope. No can do. Strange aftertaste that made me feel like I had ruined my cup of coffee, rendering it undrinkable, and I didn’t have the energy to make another French Press of coffee. I have asked everyone, some people like the things that I can’t tolerate, and most just eliminated sugar in their coffee and got used to it. I have studied all the sweeteners used/or to avoid on the keto diet. There really aren’t many alternatives and there are, almost with all substitutes, down sides or actual warnings. What’s a girl to do? I want to SING in the morning. I want to feel like the hills are alive with possibility. Oh groan, shudder, HELP!

You see, here’s the thing, for me with my bipolary, mental quirkiness I have a pretty rigid way of doing things. I have always said to people that my days were like climbing a ladder, a tall ladder with many rungs. And if I missed part of my routine it was like missing a rung on my climb up the ladder. I could fall to my death! I know how extreme that sounds, but if you know people who live with mental health issues that are really hard (and many others who don’t but are also rigid about their routines for other reasons) you will know that this rigid routine that actually keeps me afloat in an uncertain world is absolutely essential. It is crucial. And it has always started, after I got the dogs out and fed, with morning coffee. With half and half and sugar in the raw. And now I am lost. I am looking at this half drunk cup of coffee with disdain. There is a very un-lovely taste in my mouth. I won’t finish drinking it. I feel lost.

I am sipping seltzer water, and also my big cup of water with electrolytes. That helps me feel better physically, but it does nothing for the pure melancholy I am feeling. I am truly lost, I am asking for your advice, what should I do?

All comments and suggestions are very much appreciated. I’m sure the hills are still alive with the sound of music, but I just can’t find it anymore. I want to sing again…