The Experiment – A 365 Day Search For Happiness

Well, perhaps this post should come with a warning: Not For The Faint Of Heart. I mean, well, it’s not gross or anything but perhaps more than most people want to see. If that is true for you, I apologize at the outset. I am writing this because, seriously, there is nothing I can find via Google that addresses this and it’s getting annoying.

I have never been a lip biter, a nail biter, I am not OCD, I have never self-harmed or self-multilated in any way. There has never been a physical manifestation of my anxiety disorder other than overeating which I have had in control since going on the ketogenic diet last October. The only things I can find on Google that relate to “Lip biting” are so extreme they could give a person nightmares. This is not me, but this is something I want to deal with and have done with.

It all started when my little Tanner pug died suddenly and unexpectedly on April 6, and then 2 weeks later I had an emergency with Pugsley pug and then about a week and a half later I was at the emergency hospital with Delilah in the middle of the night. Somewhere in the middle of all of that I kind of innocently started nibbling the skin on my top lip. I quickly realized this and made a conscious effort to stop but by then I had this funny little bumpish sort of thing on the underside of my top lip. I was not biting the skin on my lip but this little bumpish thing is like a very soft bubble, a little — I’m so sorry — slimy feeling. And it will not go away.

I have put everything I could think of on it, lip balms, coconut oil, vaseline, and even my cure for everything which I have used for years, Everything Balm, which cures everything and is amazing, I always have it on hand. (And if you decide to order some look for the little $ on the right side about half way down and click on that. That takes you to a page where when you order the big jar you get a little jar for free, that’s what I always do. And it might look pricey but a jar lasts forever, and, as I said, literally cures everything!). The problem is that unlike your lip skin this is the, well, kind of slimy underside of your lip that nothing wants to stick to.

What happens is that, like now, because the bumpish thing was back in the morning, and despite my best efforts to leave it alone, and having put some amazing lip balm on it, I nibbled it off when I wasn’t thinking. It is smooth now and not bothering me. But, over time, maybe this evening, maybe in the morning, it will be back.

What in the world am I supposed to do about this? How do I get it to go away?

It is so perplexing. And since I am off all meds — some places suggest you take an anti-anxiety medication for this sort of thing but I am not, after all these months off of meds, going to go back on xanax because of a funny little bumpish thing on the underside of my lip. It is not bleeding, it is not horrible, but it is annoying. I want it to go away.

And there’s a little something I want to say here, something I said on Facebook this morning after reading several posts on the wonderful website Sweatpants and Coffee which has a whole wonderful section on living with anxiety, even a cute little character called the Anxiety Blob. After I shared this post — The Unbearable Blobbiness of Being — I wrote this…

“Yes I have spent time on the Sweatpants and Coffee website this morning and I am loving it. And this is so important. You know, somehow people think that my having written about having come off all my psych meds, under supervision, means that I don’t get depressed or anxious anymore. Not true. I wake up almost every day of my life anxious and some days it’s hard to manage. I’m managing, and a heck of a lot better than I did a year ago. And this is thanks to the ketogenic diet. Sugar kills, physically, and the number it does on your brain is terrifying and destructive. The dietary change 9 months ago is the best thing I ever did but it didn’t make “The anxiety blob” go away, it just makes it easier to manage. Mostly it is this, as she says in this post, which, if you struggle with anxiety I encourage you to read… ‘I’m still here, living my imperfect little life. The sky has not fallen.’ The sky has not fallen, but the struggle is real.”

No, the sky has not fallen, but I have this funny little bumpish thing on the underside of my top lip. I want it to go away. If anyone out there has ever dealt with this and got it to go away please write to me in the comments below and tell me what you did. And please, no horror stories, don’t tell me to go back on medication because I’m not going to, and yes, my therapist knows about this. It is an annoyance and I’m dealing with it. And truly, I do apologize for the pictures, but I didn’t know what else to do. Trying to describe it as a “funny little bumpish thing” has not proved helpful. Maybe I will help others by showing my little bumpish thing, if not, oh well, I have embarrassed myself in so many ways on this blog over the years this will just be one more.