The Experiment – A 365 Day Search For Happiness

All day today I have worked on The Sunday Night Writing Group. The webpage, the new private Facebook group for members only, sending out the first email to the group, and what it felt like was coming home. We are told that we should follow a path with heart. I have been doing this since I was 20 years old.

And here’s the thing… not long ago I was told that I was wrong, wrong to expect that I could do this work, the work of sending my blog out to people, and expect, or hope, that people might find enough value in what I am doing to think that, if I am offering something of value, if I am helping people in some way, hoping for a donation, in any size, to support my work, was ludicrous. “People don’t pay money to read blogs.” People have all manner of things for sale on their blogs, they create businesses, but, no, for me, what I have to offer are these blog posts. I am not here to sell you bits and bobs, I am here, every single day, showing up and offering you a piece of my heart in the hopes that some days it might help you, and perhaps, for the price of a cup of coffee, more or less, you might throw a few coins in the basket.

In 1999 I had a website for lesbian women, a gentle website mainly for women midlife and beyond. There were 1500 women who came and joined that website. I didn’t charge a thing, and I didn’t make a lot of money doing it, but a Catholic bishop in Chicago sent me a monthly donation because he said that the work that I was doing mattered so much, that he had seen one too many men and women commit suicide, that he wanted to support me. Over the years I have received donations from people who said anything from a blog post kept them from taking their life to perhaps a particular post helped them get through one more day. Maybe a post helped them smile when they didn’t know they could, or maybe it was just comforting to read how another person got on in the world.

I know there are thousands upon thousands of blogs in the world, some are almost throwaways, many are laden with advertising, or all about selling you something, but I am just here, sitting with you, perhaps holding your hand through the void, offering my heart and whatever else I can muster on a given day. And I know it is not earth shaking, but, more and more, I believe, it’s something.

I have had a link to Paypal after my blog posts but it doesn’t show up on the main page. I put one there today. For whatever it’s worth. But the thing is when it got to the point of finally teaching again I knew one thing, I knew that there are a lot of people who might want a place to show up on a Sunday night, a place where they could write with other people, most of all a way that they might feel less alone in the world. Not a 6 week class, a place that would always be there for them. And I knew this in my heart, my target audience, if I have one, is people who are older and perhaps have limited means, just like me, and if I started teaching and charged for my classes a lot of the people who wanted and needed them could not take them. And that would just never sit right with me. So I have designed a group where you can come every single Sunday night ongoing. You can write with me, in a group, for 2 hours. And there will be no fee. And if you can donate something I will deeply appreciate it, but no one will ever be turned away because they can’t afford it.

In 2 days I have a dozen people signed up. There will be more.

And it has been like coming home. In my 20’s I taught childbirth classes, I was a La Leche League Leader, a midwife, much of the work that I did was volunteer. And you know what? I have never had a lot of money from my work but I have always, somehow, been taken care of, been alright, in this world. Yes, today I have to rely on social services to get by and I have suffered mightily over this and been ashamed but I have recently been reminded that there is no shame in this. And from where I am sitting you might think that my number one priority would be to charge fees to make money. But I have suffered, and struggled, and been afraid. What would mean more than to do the work of my heart and sit with people who might be helped by what I have done for 40 years? I believe those who can donate something will, and those who can’t will get the help they need, and in the process I will find a way to write the books I need to write and even find a way to do work that might bring some income eventually. But this work, the work of my heart, showing up here on the blog every day, and on Sunday nights to write with people, is what I’m meant to do. I will continue to do it. I will keep showing up.

Life is so complicated. I read today, in shock, that Kylie Jenner, one of the Kardashian clan, at about 20 years of age, is almost a billionaire. At first I was so shocked I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. But then I just sat with this knowledge, that we are each meant for different things in life. I have had money and I have been without but whatever the case I have always been okay and I always will be and in the end what will have meant something to me is to have done the work that was in my heart to do. This blog is that. My Sunday Night Writing Group is that. If it means something to you and you can donate a little bit to help me along that is lovely but if just coming here to get a little bit of what you need to help you get through the day is what it is for you that’s good too. I am doing what I can in the world, what I believe to be right, and many will tell me I’m a fool, and some will tell me that like Don Quixote I am tilting at windmills, but I guess I will just keep on because this is what is in my heart to do. You do you and I’ll do me. May we each find our way.

And there is something that I have always said and I hold to it. This is what matters, “Each one, reach one, and love, always love…” It is what I have done, it is what I will continue to do. This is right for me.

If you are interested in joining us on Sunday nights please send me an email to: TheSundayNightWritingGroup@gmail.com. I am going to be using a MailChimp list to send out information about the group and I must have your written permission to add you to the list. Simply saying “Add me to the list” and giving me the email address you would like to use is sufficient.