The Experiment – A 365 Day Search For Happiness

Jenny, 6 year old Pierce, Andrew holding 3 year old Silas, and I

This is the hard part, when they have just left. They are at the airport now and will shortly board the plane to take them back to Chicago. Jenny is my eldest (I’m actually the only one who gets to call her Jenny which I have always called her. She is Jennifer or Jen to everyone else.) We haven’t seen them since Christmas and won’t see them again until this coming Christmas so these times are precious indeed. It is never enough time but we are so happy to have them here, we had a wonderful visit and many happy memories to take us forward. This is what I have been writing about in the last days, the difficulty in accepting that they are so far away and we get to see them so seldom. It is heartbreakingly difficult for me, I would give anything to have all of my children and their families here, and I struggle terribly with this. No matter what else I do in my life I am first and foremost a mother, and a grandmother. It’s what matters most to me in the world.

We went out to eat a few times, ate at Rachel’s house a couple of times, the kids all went to the beach a couple of different days and took the little ones out for some activities they enjoyed, and best of all for me was yesterday when Jenny and Rachel came here for a visit in the afternoon. Having my girls here together was just the best. We talked about so many things and it felt so special and lovely and sweet. How in the world did the years go so fast? Hold your babies close, they will be grown and off into their own lives before you know it!

Jenny, Rachel and I at Rachel’s house today before they left…

But it is always this time just after they leave when I feel like I can’t breathe. I cry. I feel heartbroken, and then the days pass and we settle in to what life is here for us and there for them. It is a mobile society now, people live all over everywhere. I thank God every day that Rachel lives here with her family. I literally don’t know what I would do without them. I talked to Rachel a little while ago. It’s hard and sad for her too, the sisters are really close, and Rachel adores her nephews, my little grandsons Pierce and Silas. Next month my son Aaron, my baby, will be here with his family and we are looking forward to that, and then we will all gather for the holidays. Until then I will figure out, once more, how to make that shift that is loving and mothering from afar my 2 children who live out of town and their families, and I will cherish every moment I get to spend with Rachel and her family. I recently got to take my 14 year old grandson Lucas, Rachel’s son, my eldest of 4 grandsons, out for the day, and we had a wonderful time. The lesson of course is to focus on what you do have, relish the time you can spend together, and love love love them all madly every way you possibly can.

One of the things the girls and I talked about yesterday is how to use the technology at our disposal to help facilitate as much closeness as we can across the miles. FaceTiming on the iPhones, and now that I have the video platform Zoom for my classes I can use it to create a special “room” for our whole family to get together from wherever we are once in awhile to all talk together. We are going to do everything we possibly can to be as close as possible, even though two of the families live so far away.

I would love to hear from those of you who have your children living away as to how you facilitate closeness across the miles. It is so important. For now I am going to gather all the loving memories of the last few days into my heart and hold them close. There is never enough time together, but I celebrate every single moment that we have had and am grateful for them all.