The Experiment – A 365 Day Search For Happiness

This morning I woke up to a nightmare! I turned my computer on, it came on okay, there was a picture on the desktop with the date and time. Now what I have to do is click on the picture and the log-in screen comes up, I put in my password and then am taken to the desktop. The log-in screen will not come up. No way, no how. I tried numerous times. I shut everything down and unplugged the computer, took the power cord completely off. Put it back on and plugged it in. Same thing, comes back to the picture on the screen but will NOT go to the log-in screen. There is simply no way to get in.

To say that I did not handle this well would be an understatement. My whole world is on this computer. Everything. Of course things are backed up to Dropbox and such but the thing is I need to do my work, and more to the point, when you live alone, rarely leave your house, and your whole world opens up each day as you sign onto the computer, and you rely on it, for connection, for your mental well being (I had not realized just how much this was true until this morning, sigh…), for communion, to not feel shut off from the rest of the world, not being able to get online, or simply to the desktop at all, is terrifying (It was for me.). I went from panicking, to crying, and by the time my daughter just happened to call me I was, I am embarrassed to admit, hysterical. I had to take a xanax which I no longer do. I was beyond a mess.

As Rachel and I talked she suggested someone I might call, and told me that we would get things figured out. My HP desktop is several years old and I haven’t had any problems with it but the computer tech that I just spoke to said it might be going out. I don’t have money to buy a new computer. Rachel said we would figure it out one way or another, she said I simply cannot be without a computer.

As we spoke I remembered that I have an old laptop. I haven’t used it since the fire. It did get pulled out that night and was still working but the battery went out, you have to keep it plugged in with the power cord. We decided I should try that. It’s what I am using right now. I don’t know how long it will last, it is several years old, slower than my desktop, the mouse freezes up and I have to shut the computer down and bring it back up again to get it to work, but after spending hours updating all kinds of things it is working for now as long as it is plugged in. I am sitting on the precipice of maybe having no computer at all and I am scared witless and so upset I can’t begin to tell you. A dear friend who was a computer tech is going to come over today or tomorrow and see if he can figure something out. I need a miracle. Without a computer I have no life to speak of. I am at a loss.

If for some reason I do not get a blog post up one day — and I pray that that won’t happen — it will be because of computer issues. Please hold a good thought for me. I’m signing off here because frankly I’m just too upset to write more right now. This is not a good day folks.