The disappointing thing is that I took a lot of pictures trying to get one that would really show how pretty my blue-lit cottage looks but there is no way, at least with my iPhone which is the only way I take pictures these days, that seems to be able to capture how enchanting it really looks. But let me tell you, my whole little home is positively glowing and I am more delighted than I can tell you.

Yesterday Rachel came over and though I wrote about having a hard day, which it was, Rachel being here was sweet and wonderful as always. We had coffee and finished watching the last 3 episodes of the show we have been binge-watching together (“Homeland” with Julia Roberts, an Amazon special production. We loved it. It was creepy and we decided it was something like a cross between Alfred Hitchcock and Twin Peaks!) and then she and I (mostly she) hung the blue lights on my front porch. I adore blue lights, they are kind of a signature thing here at Christmas though I have not done it since the fire. My front door and garage door are painted sky blue, the house white brick, and the blue lights just absolutely make the whole place glow in a dreamy way. I wish I could get a really good picture but the above will have to suffice. If you click on the picture above however it should open in another window and you can get a better view. Better-ish.

This is one of the things that fills my heart with joy in the middle of difficult and uncertain days. Today I went back to the doctor, actually, it is a nurse practitioner that I see at the clinic who is handling my case and she is absolutely fabulous. I asked her, somewhat nervously, how you could tell how my leg is doing. I mean, the thing about a blood clot is you can’t see how it’s doing, not without getting another ultrasound which is incredibly expensive for someone with no medical insurance. I am already dealing with a mess of paperwork and phone calls working with the people who handle “Charity Care” at the hospital for the first ultrasound. Essentially what I was told today is that since the swelling is going down in my leg, which is of course a good thing, and nothing looks worse, and they trust that the medication is doing what it is supposed to do, they won’t do another ultrasound unless things get worse. Which means you take the medication and hope and pray for the best. Which isn’t a completely comfortable way to move through your days when just less than 2 weeks ago you were told that you had a blood clot from your groin to your ankle and if you’d waited another two weeks “you would have been in serious trouble,” but what can you do? I am on the medication I should be on, I am following the instructions I have been given to the letter, I am doing everything that I can, and she is keeping an eye on me. I was given a new prescription, 3 months worth, but I go back on January 2 to be checked again. I don’t know any more than I have just told you, but if you wouldn’t mind continuing to hold me in your prayers I would appreciate it more than I can say. Follow instructions, take good care, pray, and try not to freak out. It’s all I can do, and I’m doing it.

For now, for today, for this moment, I am more delighted than I can say, when I go out past dark, and see my little house glowing with the blue Christmas lights Rachel put up yesterday. We do the best we can in a scary time and focus on that which brings us joy. My little blue-lit cottage is bringing me great joy, in fact it is so pretty I am thinking about leaving them up past Christmas. Why not? It is magic. At my age I’m all about having all the magic I can. I love these lights.

And I love you all. Thank you for being there, and for the sweet emails and texts. If I don’t answer very quickly please understand that I am doing the best I can right now, and part of that has to do with resting and being quiet. I need to be quiet now, and I am spending a lot of time not answering people because that is a kind of self care too. I am finding that although it is difficult sometimes not answering is what I need to do. Please understand. I’m doing the best I can.

I hope you are finding joy in the season, and I hope you are putting up twinkly lights. Magic heals. It is healing me. I’m looking for more places to put lights up inside. I am basking in the glow…