It was about 2 a.m. when Delilah stood bolt upright and was so anxious she just wanted DOWN. She didn’t know what to do. From there on, until 8:30 this morning, when we got up for good, we slept, if we were really lucky, for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. I kept jumping up to see what she needed. Taking the cone off if she needed a drink of water and putting it back on. At 3 a.m. I took her out to the potty. I paced with her, and after she was up and about for a little while she would settle back in with me and go back to sleep. For 10, 15, 20 minutes. I was so tired I was nearly in tears.

Turns out that the trazodone she was put on because she was so anxious yesterday had the opposite reaction one hopes for. Instead of making her calmer it made her anxious and agitated. We were, mostly, up all night. She is of course off the trazodone but she had an early morning dose before I realized.

And then, even though she is on 2 pain meds, when the vet tech said yesterday, because she was whimpering and in obvious pain even with the pain meds we had, that I could bring her in for a shot for pain I did. Today when we discussed taking her off the trazodone and possibly bringing her in for a pain shot today she said that too much pain medication can make them anxious I didn’t know what to do. I watched her cry out in pain for 2 days. I watched her pace anxiously all night long. But now we are up to the weekend when no help will be available until Monday short of the emergency clinic. I wrote everyone I could think of asking what to do but didn’t get good answers in time. My choice — alleviating possible pain or getting the shot which could make her anxious again. I went for the shot and took her to get it. I don’t know if it was the right decision but I did it.

She is on 6 other meds, many times a day. I haven’t had almost any sleep and I am so exhausted I can barely see to type here. I got the shot. I am giving her all her other meds. Monday we go back to have the eye rechecked. I am trying so hard to do it all right but we just never know.

Thank God Rachel is coming tonight. She is bringing dinner. We will watch our show, This Is Us, on Hulu because I don’t have tv so we have to watch it after it airs. She is going to keep an eye on Delilah while I take a shower. I have no idea what the night ahead will bring.

Please keep us in your prayers. I am scared. I am trying to do the right thing. It doesn’t feel like enough.