It’s one of the hard ones.

I don’t know what it is about Saturday nights that are especially lonely. I think perhaps because on weekdays, and weeknights, people are in their usual expected places and, well, this barely makes sense as I say it, but somehow they feel closer. Weekends people go places and do things and when you are alone you are acutely aware that you are not part of the goings on in the world. Something like that. For a time I had a friend that spent weekends here and it was so lovely, but then she stopped coming. It kind of broke my heart. Then I was alone again.

I have been thinking about this a lot. I am never going to be a going out a lot sort of person but I have got to meet people here in this town. My therapist recommended a group that meets at a church Sundays at 5. It is a spirituality group and it sounds like there could be likeminded people there. I am thinking about going.

But, I’m afraid. I’m not leaving the house much now, well, I never leave the house much, but I’m not leaving much now even moreso because of my leg, but I could go to this meeting and be there for an hour or so. And it’s really near my house. But I feel like crying when I think about going. It is really scary for me.

I wish I had something to say here tonight that was, well, something worth sharing. It’s another night when I’m having a real hard time posting anything at all, but I’m here. Maybe I’m here because I needed to reach out across the void and see if anyone was there. I don’t want to feel so alone.

I’m so choked up I can’t think of anything else to say. I’m sorry. This is a hard night…