How the pugs travel when the house has to be shown…

It has been 5 days since the house has gone on the market and I think I have just taken my first deep breath. I have been frozen in fear for weeks prior to the house going on the market, and since the sign went up in the yard on Monday. Though the house has not been shown yet I had 2 trial runs with the pugs in the crate for when we have to leave the house when it is shown. They did well, better than me, and now I know that I can do it when the time comes. I went from being terrified about the house being shown to scared because it hasn’t been shown. I worry I won’t be able to keep up with the house so I don’t touch anything that doesn’t need to be touched, I leave the broom out, I am putting off mopping the kitchen floor again until I get a call so it will stay clean and not be marked up with paws everywhere from a bevy of pugs who don’t know or care what’s going on as long as I am near and they get meals and treats, I have frozen down the center core of my body and shaken like a leaf, and then something just occurred to me today. The house is on the market, but life goes on.

 Unless and until someone wants to see the house, at which point I pack up the pugs and we go for a ride, life just does go on. We get up in the morning, I get the dogs out and feed them, I take my meds, have my breakfast and my coffee, I check my email, Facebook, and so on, I watch t.v. shows in the evening, I talk to friends and family, I go to the grocery store, to my accountant, to therapy, or wherever else I have to go (At first I was afraid to go anywhere at all, what if someone wants to see the house? Well we have a 24 hour notice clause since I have to make arrangements to be here and get the dogs out, so it doesn’t matter, I will have enough notice.), I order Chinese food (A real splurge born of nerves and self medicating.), I scratch an itch, I write a blog post, work on my book, or on my zine Pastiche. Other than showing the house, which hasn’t even happened yet (Dear God and the saints be praised, have SOMEONE want to see the house, fall in love with it, and buy it at a splendid price. I have buried a statue of St. Joseph upside down in the yard which is supposed to make for a miraculously fast sale.) life, unlike what I had thought would happen which went something like the minute the sign went in the yard my whole life would be frozen in some new ice age called THE HOUSE IS ON THE MARKET, is amazingly pretty much normal, or whatever passes for normal when you are bipolar and live in a house full of pugs.

And even when your house is on the market miracles happen. Just before beginning to write this post my son sent a text message to all the members of our immediate family with a 3-D ultrasound picture of my newest grandson (Our family only produces boys, this will be our 4th grandson!) due the end of May. 3-D! I’d never heard of such a thing until this baby was conceived and it is the most astonishing thing you’ve ever seen. I think he looks like my son, you can see the face that clearly. And I have taken to writing little notes on Facebook each evening regarding some aspect of the house being for sale and how afraid I am and have had tons of friends write in sending support, love, encouragement, and inspiration. I feel like the luckiest woman alive and people who think you can’t make real friends on Facebook have just plain never tried, these are the most beautiful souls on the planet. The house is for sale but miracles abound and friends and family are here supporting me in person and online and I feel loved, cherished, and as though if the power of prayer alone can sell a house I am all set.

The house is on the market and though you couldn’t prove it by the way I have nattered on about it endlessly other things are happening in the world. I have taken more time to read through my feed and respond to other friends on Facebook because I truly believe that when we step up and take time to care about what is happening in the world and to other people we truly rise above our own self-absorbed fears and worries. There are people having babies, people have lost dear pets or loved ones or have people in the family who are ill, or they have sold houses or gotten new jobs or are reaching out to friends for various reasons. Reaching back even just with a line or two of love or support is the healthiest, sanest thing in the world and makes me feel worlds better. The house is up for sale and life goes on, for everyone.

So here I am. The house has been on the market for 5 days. It is Good Friday going into Easter weekend and I don’t know if anyone will want to see the house on a holiday weekend but I trust soon someone will want to see the house and I will pack up the pugs and we will drive around and come back and do whatever one does once their house has actually been shown. My hair and my teeth will not fall out, I may shake a little and I’m sure my bipolar bits and parts will get a tad rattled but we will just keep moving forward, as one does. There are so many elements of this whole thing and I have taken them apart and worried excessively about them all — Will I need a short term rental to be out by closing, I have to buy another house, will I find the perfect one, what about moving, and on and on — but the thing is there’s nothing for it but to do each piece in its turn, one step at a time. People sell houses and live through it. It is nerve-wracking but wracked nerves survive and live to tell about it. And most important of all, this too shall pass. As long as I remember that last bit I will make it, one baby step at a time.

There are millions of things you can still do when the house is on the market. I have done a few of them and will do a few more. I will make it through this, and life goes on…