NO MORE FEAR

“When The Pugs Are Asleep Anna Has Tea With Millie The Cat…”

Well now this one tickled me. It’s the kind of little painting that would never make it into a book because there are just a ton of ghastly mistakes, but it was the first time I drew Millie the cat. Of course I don’t have a cat, though I love them I am highly allergic. But Anna has a cat. The blurring of fact and fiction, the embellishing and simply making things up is so much fun. I can live vicariously through Anna when it comes to having a cat. I am really liking this.

There are so many things I have to work on this next year. While each of the Annas I have drawn might be said to be recognizably her they all look a little different. The more I draw her the greater the degree of consistency and similarity will develop (I’m hoping!). I am being very kind with myself about this. My job, right now, is not to try to make the drawings perfect, of course I couldn’t anyway, but to get some practice, like someone learning how to play the piano by practicing scales, my daily (or so) Anna drawings/paintings help me work on being able to draw her more easily. I have a notebook just for Anna and I am making a list of ideas for pictures I want to draw of Anna. Some I haven’t a clue how I’ll manage but nor did I have any idea how to draw any of the things I’ve drawn in the last week. I just did it. Wonky, goofy, lopside-ish and cattywompus I just did the best I could, come what may, and was happy with that. I am happy with what I’ve done so far because for me this isn’t about trying to become a “great artist,” it is simply about me opening my heart and letting all the dreams of drawing and painting I’ve had since I was a little girl flow through. I am doing this for the joy of it first and foremost and that’s what carries me through when doubts creep in.

And here’s the thing. I have never, in my whole life, been able to do a thing so purely based in joy, so totally unafraid of imperfections and mistakes, that I could just keep on keeping on and do the thing. Emerson wrote, “Do the thing and you will have the power.” Well it’s true. I think today’s picture of Anna and Millie the cat is my poorest effort so far if I were to judge it, but it doesn’t bother me. I love love love that it ends up that Anna has a cat! And I love little Millie. And there will be pictures with Millie with the pugs somewhere along the line. And who knows who else may show up?

Beginning to make art, especially late in life, when you always wanted to but were discouraged by someone or never thought you could, is a courageous act, and you will never do this if you don’t have tremendous compassion for yourself. At first all that matters is that you take your pencil or pen or paintbrush or whatever you are drawn to use and get it moving across the paper. In the beginning, 5 1/2 years ago, when I started, I was using pastels, and the feel of those creamy pastels gliding across the paper, and being able to smudge them with my fingers and just totally play put me in such a bliss state that I fell in love with it. These were funky little drawings but I didn’t care, I just kept on. And when I could see that in doing them every day that I was developing a style, that I was finding out what I could do, not like anyone else, but what wanted to came out of me, I began to have fun with it. There is no way to do this but to simply begin. And I did, and you can too.

I have made a note here for myself, “NO MORE FEAR.” Life is passing too quickly for all of us not to try to do a thing simply because we are afraid. We may try and fail, we may succeed, and one way or another I can tell you that just doing the thing at all will change your life, because here’s the thing. Maybe you always wanted to draw, and you try, and really, it just isn’t what you thought it would be for you. You give it a fair shot and then, one day, if it doesn’t pan out what you will have is the experience of conquering fear and doing it anyway. So the next thing is a little easier to get up the courage to try. What if you have to try 3 things or 5 things or 10 things before you hit on just the thing that will thrill you down to your toes and keep you going for the rest of your days? Well, it will take what it takes, but what else are you doing anyway? Make a list, try the things, find the thing you really love, that feels really good and right and true and then dive into the deep end and go go go!

If not, why not? If not now, when? Seriously.

I don’t know about you but I am very aware that the sands of the hourglass are slipping away, and I don’t have any idea how much time I will have left, but it’s not something I can worry about. What I can do is to make my life as full and fun and thrilling and meaningful and as full of love and joy and blissy feelings as I possibly can and that’s what I’m going to do. I hope you will join me. If not with your own 365 day experiment just dive in and do the thing or things in your heart and write here to me about it in the comments. I’d love to hear from you about what you’re doing so I can cheer you on. I’ll be here to remind you that you can do this. I will go RA RA RA and shake my pompoms and hoot and hollar and yell, “YOU GO GIRL!” We need each other, we really do. I’m here, are you? Let’s do this thing!