Making art again

“Painting Is Her Happy Place”

I am falling in love with my art again, and, even with all the mistakes, I feel a deep tenderness for this woman I am painting, my alter ego, finding her way, painting for the sheer joy of it. And it’s nice, each day, to just let what wants to come, come, without feeling like it has to fit in with some “Project” or have a story to go along with it as my Ladies did, no I just sit here and let the doors of my heart swing wide open, and let it happen.

And what I am finding, as I have found before, not just in drawing and painting, is that there is some kind of balance that I am able to come to when I alternate back and forth between the work of my head (writing) and the work of my hands (Painting in this case, I used to always have fiberwork around me and when I got stuck in my writing I would pick up my weaving, spinning, knitting or crochet.). And some kind of magic happens. When I switch to the work of my hands my brain relaxes and things that I was stuck on in my writing suddenly resolve, answers to questions pop up, ideas for new work surface, so I stop, and make notes, and then keep painting, say, until I have the overwhelming urge to have to write again and I switch back. I worked on the painting above off and on all day. It is a very satisfying way to work.

And it is very, very deep, this allowing what will come to come, allowing it not to be perfect, allowing that mistakes will happen but not letting them stop me. In this way you develop a kind compassion for yourself, your work, and the world around you. Painting, as are so many other art forms, is a deeply contemplative act. And when you develop a kind compassion for the art you are making you stop beating yourself up because you don’t paint like Georgia O’Keefe, or all of those artists that you follow on Instagram whose work you love. You come to a deep acceptance for the fact that this is the work that you do, this is the way your soul wants to express itself in the world through your art. And it is good, it is enough, it is satisfying. And, as a 64 year old woman with no art training, who didn’t start painting until she was 59 because of the cruelty of a nun in 2nd grade who laughed at my little pictures and mocked me in front of the class (The grass was orange, the leaves on the trees pink, the sky purple and so on) it was an act of bravery on my part even to begin. And after the fire to begin again, and, with several lapses in courage, growing fearful again and again because “I couldn’t draw very well,” read, I couldn’t draw like other people whose work I admired. I have come to a place, as the year of searching for happiness is coming to a close, when I have realized that painting, indeed, is my happy place, that this is what my art looks like, and that come what may I am going to continue on.

Oh my God what freedom to come to this. What absolute joy. I shyly, tentatively, today call myself an artist and I feel like one even painting in my sketchbook with little kid’s paint sets.What I want to tell people everywhere — and I am not the only one whose budding artistic talent was squashed by a cruel, unfeeling teacher or other person in their life — is START NOW! So many people I know, people my age and older, have always wanted to make art but been afraid to. Well I’m telling you it is never too late, the art that you make is your own and is just exactly right for you, and this is a joy, a deep pleasure, that you don’t want to deny yourself. Truly. And you don’t have to have a lot of money to make art, I get a lot of my supplies at the Dollar Store, or very inexpensively on amazon. Yes, I look at the art catalogs and drool, but I don’t need expensive supplies. For these paintings I am using a pencil, a black pen, and a child’s watercolor set. Period. There’s no excuse not to get started.

So no, I won’t be posting paintings everyday, I won’t be doing them everyday, but I will do them as the Muse moves me to do so and I will share them as I do. Coming back to painting is another gift of this 365 day experiment, and I am deeply grateful. Painting is my happy place. I shall carry on.