Living as teacher

Yesterday I wrote about being in the zone. I am in the zone, I really am, but…

After having a wonderful night, closing things down here in the studio, and watching a couple of episodes of Queer Eye which I adore (Except that I only have 2 episodes left and I am positively GRIEVING over the fact that Season 3 will not be out until maybe midway through 2019. I don’t care, I am going to start over at the very beginning and watch them again. Yes. It is THAT good!), I went to sleep. Drifted off without a whole lot of trouble but then woke up a couple of times through the night, up at 7:30 to go potty and really tired I put my sleep mask back on and drifted back to sleep … almost … but at 8 a.m. Delilah pug was about to take a header off the end of the chair (I sleep in my big oversized recliner with my 2 pugs. I haven’t been able to sleep in a real bed since, well, forever, (Abuse issues, we won’t go there.) but especially since the fire, and truly, if a dream were to come true my heart’s desire would be a brand new recliner OF THIS EXACT TYPE AND ONLY OF THIS EXACT TYPE but I don’t need it just yet. This one is getting shabby and desperately needs cleaning, the stuffing is coming out of both arms, I have been using it since the month after the fire, the only piece of furniture the insurance company bought me after the fire in April 2014, long story…) so I JUMPED UP and got her out and took Pugsley pug too since we were going out anyway — he didn’t appreciate this and didn’t want to go, it was early for us — but by the time I got them out and we got back in at 8 we kind of all sleepily looked at one another like, “Well, we’re up now, fer godsakes, whattawedo?”

I got them their breakfast, made coffee, and not much past 8:30 was here at my desk. I fully realize that whole worlds are run hours earlier than this but this is simply not the case here.

I sat staring at the computer. I answered the lovely people who left comments on this blog last night after I got offline, answered email, checked Facebook. 9:00 a.m. We are usually barely up by 9 a.m.

I did my best to find my way through the morning and I positively refuse to discuss how neurotic I felt. (I almost did a whole blog post about this but common sense prevailed.) I worked on my class material for Sunday night’s Sunday Night Writing Group. I am so in love with these people, the first class went SO well, the engagement in our Facebook group is really lovely, and I am so excited about the next class this coming Sunday. I read through a couple of favorite old books, made copious notes, and, as you can see above, filled fountain pens for this Sunday’s class. I am telling you I am back to fountain pens. There is nothing like them. And if you want a really good fountain pen for a very reasonable price I highly recommend Lamy’s Safari fountain pen. You can get one in all manner of colors in fine or medium tips at amazon. I have 3 which I bought at different times over the years, a white, yellow, and pink one. And I DO recommend getting the converter so you can fill them from a bottle. It’s very easy, the converter is only about $6 (The pens alone are around $20 and will last forever and write like a dream.) and you will save a fortune on cartridges filling from a bottle (I use Noodler’s ink. And I promise you this one bottle of ink will last virtually FOREVER!) they write much better and more smoothly. I prefer Medium nibs which write big and bold and fabulous. But they have a fine tip too.

So I sat with my books. I read, made notes, and filled my fountain pens. For awhile I went all dreamy over how absolutely wonderful it was to doodle around a bit with my freshly filled fountain pens. I smile just thinking about it.

And then I hit a stumbling block. I wrote yesterday about having glued an old, beloved book back together last night, holding it together with rubber bands while it dried. BUT, today, when I took the rubber bands off, the place that I had glued held BUT a whole host of other pages fell out! AND, much to my horror, I realized that the first 10 pages of the book were missing entirely! I gasped. I teared up. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. A lot of books I would just have shrugged and not cared about but this book, THESE books (This was the first book in what was a trilogy but THEN there were 4 books in the series, Madeleine L’Engle’s “Crosswicks Trilogy” +) I had read and reread before I even had all my children! If you could see how worn these books were, filled with highlighting, notes everywhere, and so, so much more, well, oh, God. What was I going to do? I could get this book for .25 on amazon (A very poor copy that said it was filled with highlighting and notes — and not mine!) + $4 shipping per book. Or I could get all 4 books in the series for my kindle for less than the price of the shipping alone. Seriously, for those of you who are paper only books purists and swear you will never have a kindle you have no idea what you are missing. I want to say 2 things…

First of all, in this day and age, I think you need both. See the pictures below.

Second, I was able to buy the replacement books because of the donations of a couple of people who sent me donations for The Sunday Night Writing Group classes. They are free, on a donation basis only. A tremendous amount of work goes into these classes and when donations come in they help me do my work. My deepest thanks and gratitude go out to those of you kind enough to support me.

Piles and piles of real paper books everywhere… but…

My Kindle Fire. I think everyone needs a Kindle!

The thing that I realized today was this…

I can be terrified beyond words about life in general but when it comes to my writing and teaching I am at home. I can do this and do it well. I am proud of this. And it is wonderful to be back to my heart’s work.

And it is a whole new world. I am finding my way in a world that traverses fountain pens, kindles, and more, things that I could never have imagined, things that didn’t seem like they would fit together but which are all of a piece, and I am coming to terms with the realization that no matter how old you are, no matter how long you have done this, if you are not willing to bring both all of which you know from decades of teaching + the new technology that exists today you will not be relevant, you will not find your place in this new world, your work, your precious work, will not go on. This is terrifying for me, but I understand it more and more. I will do what I need to do. I want to go on. I think my work matters.

And you, dear ones, if you are reading this, men and women, of all ages, with open hearts, I hope you will join us. Something very special is happening here. I think you don’t want to miss this. And yes, I am bold enough, brave enough, to say just that. I may be 64 but I have taught decades longer than a lot of the young ones out there with their shiny new techy programs. I have touched hearts and healed lives for 4 decades. And I am committed to being here, I will be here with you, and if you can’t ever pay me a penny you will matter every bit as much as the people who can help support me financially because while I need to be supported in a practical sense even more important is doing the work that I believe, when I am dead and gone, will have mattered most of all. This is spirit work. And it is what I was born to do.

I have said too much.

Maybe I have said just enough.

It’s that kind of day.

If you are interested in joining us on Sunday nights please send me an email to: TheSundayNightWritingGroup@gmail.com. I am going to be using a MailChimp list to send out information about the group and I must have your written permission to add you to the list. Simply say “Please add me to the list” and give me the email address you would like to use plus tell me why you would like to join the group. This extra step is a security measure. For more information about The Sunday Night Writing Group click on the link herein.