Last night was a very sweet night. It was so wonderful having Noni here. My leg was bothering me. It had been too much being out so long doing errands. As Noni was running late I had time to take a shower and then settle in here to rest my leg up. She came in and it was so good to see her. She told me to rest and keep my leg up and she made our dinner.

When Noni is here it is like the whole place lights up. She came Friday/Saturday/Sunday for nearly a year and a half. It was one of the best times of my life. But then she couldn’t come like that any more and it broke my heart. Still, she has been such a precious friend to me, she has been here when I needed her. She was here the day Delilah was going downhill and would be gone the next day, she was with me at the hospital the day I found out about the blood clot, she is always here when it matters. Accepting the changed nature of our friendship has been hard for me. I wish she could be here all the time but that is not the way life works. I love her so much, cherish our friendship, and appreciate what we are able to have now.

We had the sweetest night. After a delicious dinner I made a fire in the fireplace and we watched White Christmas and it was wonderful as always. And one of the nicest things was that in the middle of the night when I had to get up to go potty I was able to go back to sleep without taking Xanax. Noni was asleep in the guest room. It was so good not to be alone.

This morning I got up at 9, took Pugsley out and fed him, and as we were coming back in Noni was up and cheerily telling us Good Morning! I made our coffee and we were able to be together until nearly noon when she had to leave. It was such a lovely time. I was deeply grateful that she had been able to be here with me. I go through something, inside myself, of a kind of grief when she leaves, but I am learning to let go and appreciate the time we do have. We made a date for another 2 weeks. She will come again and this time we are going to watch Meet Me In St. Louis. I love that movie. To hear Judy Garland sing “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” is one of the sweetest things ever.

After Noni left I walked Pugsley and then sat at my desk handling another 2 hours worth of phone calls, made appointments (The tree people are coming on Saturday to give estimates for the tree work that needs to be done; Thursday, after the fencing people come at 1 to give me an estimate for the insurance company for repairing the extensive damage to my back yard fence and gate I will go at 3 to have the oil changed and the car inspected so I can pay my yearly car taxes. The man helping me continue to clear out debris from the hurricane will come Saturday.) I look at the calendar for the week and it is not only full but there are multiple appointments on several days. This is not how my life usually goes and it is stressful and scary but I am forging ahead.

When finally all of the appointments were made I made my lunch, eggs and Canadian bacon. I have this pretty much every day and share a few bites with Pugsley, then we settled in here in the recliner so I could rest with my leg up for the afternoon. I settled in with my embroidery while listening, for the 3rd or 4th time, to Natalie Goldberg reading her book, The Great Spring. I love audio books. I like to read real books but being able to embroider and listen to a book is lovely. I studied with Natalie twice and have read and reread all of her books, 14 or so. It is like coming home.

I stitched the outlines of the flower, the inner and outer petals. I worked on this all afternoon, slowly, and in a relaxed fashion. It took me 3 days to do the leaves at the bottom. Next I will “color in” the flower petals. That’s what it feels like to me. Kind of painting the picture with needle and thread. I have tried for nearly 6 years to draw and paint but it never felt really comfortable. When I returned to needle and thread it, too, was like coming home. Fibers and textiles are my home. Working with my hands is the deepest thing I know.

Sadness and loneliness will creep in, but here is my sweet dog Pugsley, and I talked to my dear friend Jeff on the phone. I stitched and listened to Natalie read her book while the Christmas lights flickered in the studio. I texted with my daughters. I think about the holidays ahead when the children and grandchildren will be here and I feel happy. Next Sunday I will return to the church for the second time. I feel shy and a little afraid but I will go. And the work I am meant to do is humming in the back of my head. I feel afraid about money, especially this month, but also feel that I have gifts to offer and that all will be well. This is a scary time of year for finances but I have to trust that things will come together. I think that they will.

Now it is almost 9:00. I will get this post up, take Pugsley out, get ready for bed and return to our cozy spot with Pugsley snuggled in beside me and watch a movie and work at “coloring in” the petals of the flower. I have threads in all manner of beautiful colors in the box beside me with some chosen as possible petal colors. It is exciting to see how it all unfolds, and as I stitch slowly I am dreaming my way into the next design element on this “Heart & Hand” canvas. I have renewed my fiber name, my fiber domain name for another 2 years. I haven’t used it in some time. “Maitri’s Heart and Hands” is my fiber work. I don’t know where it will lead but it felt right. I am following my heart. And my hands. It is the the only way for me, it is the deepest thing I know. This I trust. I will follow where my heart leads me. I hope with a pen, notebook, needle and thread I will find my way…