Back in 2013 not long after she came…

We’ve just always been like this, she and I.

You love all your little ones, with your whole heart, you truly do, but sometimes a little person comes into your life and you look at one another and go, “There you are, I’ve been waiting for you.” That was Delilah and I. She came to me on September 1, 2013. She had been rescued from being used as a puppy mill breeder. She came out of horrors I cannot imagine. I came out of my own kind of horrors. She and I knew one another one, and loved one another deeply, and bonded instantly.

So how could I not, when she woke up at 6 agitated, in pain, not understanding what was happening to her, scoop her up and take her in and administer all the meds, 3 different kinds of eye drops, pain medication. I took the cone off so she could drink water. When she seemed calmer I brought her back and she snuggled in with me and went back to sleep. An hour later she woke again and we got up. And so started a day of restlessness, constant pain, confusion, administering 6 different medications every 2-3 hours. I made multiple calls to the vet. I’m doing everything, I said, but she is suffering so. It’s not okay.

I jumped up and down constantly to take the cone off so she could drink water, I administered meds, I took she and Pugsley out to the potty and got them treats and loved them every way I could. And when she slept I nearly collapsed in relief. And then it would all start again. I called the vet and said, “This is not okay.” They told me to bring her in and they would give her a shot for pain that would last for 8-12 hours. I had her there at 4. When she was there they saw how truly agitated she was and prescribed an additional medication for the anxiety. Now she is on 7 medications. She is fighting the cone she needs to wear to protect her eye so it won’t rupture. It has been breaking my heart.

I brought her home. Walked both of the babies. Gave the new anxiety medication. She quieted down and went to sleep for an hour. I talked to a dear friend in a state of tremendous relief, and simply exhausted.

Up we got, out to the potty, more meds, more eye drops, dinner. And since I sat down here, finally, to try to write this blog post, I have had to jump up three times so she could drink water. She can’t drink with the cone on. She has gone back to sleep here under my feet on a soft blanket now. She is snoring. I can feel the cone against my ankles. I am so relieved that she is resting.

It is 7:45. At 9 she gets pain meds, and 3 kinds of eye drops. I will take them out to the potty, and pray that she will settle down and sleep. I hope the shot they gave her at 4 helps her sleep tonight. I can’t bear for her to be in pain.

This is our day today. This tiny girl is my darling sweetheart. I will do what I need to do. I am so tired.