Being open

Last night was lovely. My plans to have dinner out got cancelled when my friend called to say he was sorry but he had a work emergency and couldn’t be at the restaurant after all and we would reschedule very soon. By the time he texted me however I had written the blog post and was all up and excited about going out, if a little afraid. I had talked myself into what a great time I would have and how important it was for me to go after all. For a minute, after Jeff texted me, I didn’t know what to do with myself. And then I had an idea.

Saturday nights for me can be a very hard time. Sitting here alone on a Saturday night can feel very lonely, and a friend on Facebook had said something about feeling that way too yesterday afternoon. I am now paying a monthly fee for the video platform Zoom that I use for my Sunday Night Writing Group and I can schedule any number of other meetings with up to 100 people at a time. Why not, I thought, use it since I’m paying for it? Why not ask on my Facebook page and in our private writing group page if anyone wanted to join me for a casual chat? “A Saturday Night Chat For The Lost and Lonely.” I am not a spur of the moment type of person but there it was, my plans had been cancelled, I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I put it out there. And it was just lovely.

There were 4 of us there pretty much the whole time, one dear one from our writing group that couldn’t stay but wanted to pop in and spend a few minutes with us came for a bit, and another dear soul who tried her best to get in but was having technology challenges that prevented it. And it was so lovely to be together and to talk. I just loved it and I will do it again.

At first I was so excited about it I said, “I will do this EVERY Saturday night if I don’t have other plans.” And then later I could barely go to sleep because I was so anxious for having said that, because I am going to be teaching every Sunday night ongoing unless something out of the ordinary happens and I just can’t commit to 2 nights pretty much every weekend. BUT the technology is here at my disposal and as the spirit moves I will try it again. No one may show up. Some may. It will be a risk not planning ahead until the last few hours perhaps before it all comes together. But sometimes, and even though this is not my bent, serendipitously coming together on the spur of the moment might yield a lovely experience as it did last night. I’m game! And I will try again soon. Maybe next week, maybe a month from now, we shall see.

Last Sunday night in class we wrote about taking risks. I have not been, in my life, much of a risk taker (although I have taken them and had, as I think back, some disastrous results!). It makes me a very careful person. And you can be careful to the point of missing out on life. I’m 64. I’m tired of missing out. Going out to the restaurant last night, before it got cancelled, was a risk I was going to take. Throwing the invitation out to join me for a couple of hours to chat last night felt like a risk, but I took it and it worked. Now I’m wondering, or perhaps being cautiously optimistic perhaps, about how taking other little risks here and there might benefit me, might open new doors (or maybe at least little windows) in my life. I’m thinking about this. Hmmm.

For now I am just happy that I took a risk last night. I am making no promises or commitments about Saturday nights and that’s a big thing for me too. The careful planner in me who needs to know what’s going to happen and when and where and how and all the details just to feel safe is very nervous at the thought, but I am taking her by the hand and saying “Look, this isn’t sky-diving! We’re just going to take a little chance that this (whatever this might be in the moment) might work..” when a new idea comes along. It might lead to something lovely. And I’m ready for more lovely in my life. Stay tuned! You just never know what might come next!