Beginning again…

“I’ve seen the spring now and I’m going to see the summer.
I’m going to see everything grow here.
I’m going to grow here myself.”
Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Secret Garden

What magic is unfolding here. This morning when I got up early to go out with little Delilah pug I stepped onto the deck and saw the new flowers and I was filled with a kind of joy that I haven’t felt in a very long time. I am a gardener to my core and I have not gardened since the fire. I realized this morning that a lot of the terrible depression I have experienced these last years had to have come from simply not being outside. No fresh air, no sounds of nature, no digging and planting and seeing things grow. The minute I saw the flowers this morning it was like the whole world went from black and white to full color, just like that moment at the beginning of The Wizard Of Oz. And I knew in that moment that more was going to happen here than just pots on a deck.

And then the day has just been so incredibly beautiful. It was so gorgeous when I got up again later with the dogs, before 10, 66 degrees outside, that I went around and opened all the windows. I sat down here in the studio with my coffee and the fresh air felt so delicious, the hot coffee was so good, and the sounds, oh my goodness, the birdsong that you miss when the windows are closed, so many different kinds of birds, I was just absolutely in a state of bliss. And the weather report said that it would get into the 70’s today which it did, and all day long I have just been overcome by the breeze coming through the windows, the constantly singing windchimes, and such a steady stream of birds here at the feeders I could hardly get anything done because I just couldn’t stop watching them. I even got a picture of one of my favorite birds, a Downy woodpecker, in a nearby tree rat-a-tat-tatting away for over half an hour. I was just delighted. He is at the feeder just outside the studio window several times a day, and for the first time yesterday I saw his mate! I was thrilled!

Finally I couldn’t stand it a moment longer, I had to get outside, and out we went, the dogs and I. And I set to cleaning out the raised beds that were filled with leaves, rotting walnuts, and debris. When I finished and came back inside I looked out the kitchen window at the raised beds below with such happiness. That’s the picture at the top of the post. It is an absolute glory to look out when those beds are filled with flowers as I make my coffee in the morning. Now I can plant lots of seeds and as spring turns to summer these beds will be filled with color. I even had a delightful surprise. Last year I planted seeds and didn’t have too much luck because some kind of airborne weeds literally took over everything. But I had planted several little hibiscus cuttings, my favorites, Hibiscus moschuetos, huge dinnerplate sized flowers in white and red and pink. I forgot all about them in the disappointment of the whole undertaking but when I cleared all the leaves I found that several of them were coming up. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was just delighted!

And as I worked clearing those beds I looked around. Yes, it is a barren landscape overgrown with weeds. There is no way I can reclaim the garden that was, but I can make a new one, one square foot at a time, over the years. It will be a project that I can work on for the rest of my life. Where am I going? I’m going to be right here. Some people travel the world but I revel in the beauty of this little piece of earth that is mine, at least mine while I’m here. It is, as my dear friend Claudine calls her place, my paradise. The garden that I lost is gone, it can never be the same, but a new one will grow here, in time, and this makes me deeply happy. Maybe this year it will just be a pot garden on the deck and the raised beds, and that will be enough. We shall see.

And so in the words of Frances Hodgson Burnett spring will turn to summer and I will watch things grow, and in the process I will grow here myself. The garden wasn’t lost, it was sleeping. Now it, and I, are waking up. I’m excited to see what may be possible here. There are so many possibilities. I have begun again, it was time, and a gift from a lovely friend got me going, and those first flowers have opened the door to so much more. Where will it all lead? I don’t know but I will share it all with you here. And what could be better on a 365 day search for happiness than to find my way back into the garden? I wondered what the second half of this journey would bring. I am on track now to find out.