“Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle.”

~*~ Phillips Brooks ~*~

In my last post I wrote that Delilah was having a hard time. It was more than a hard time. She was sick. She cried off and on all through the night Tuesday after I put the post up and by morning I was in tears both because I was so worried about her, knew she had to go to the vet, didn’t know how I would get her there because I can’t leave the hotel, was completely exhausted from being awake most of the night, and worrying that my tiny girl was sick and in pain and I had no idea how serious it was nearly put me over the edge. On top of everything else this just felt like too much.

I called my vet first thing and described what was going on. I was in tears. And once again dear Nicole who works there said she would come get her on her lunch hour and take her back to the office where our dear vet could see her and figure out what was going on. It would have broken your heart to hear her crying, it sounded like a kitten or a baby crying.

Dr. Redfern called in the middle of the afternoon to say that they had done extensive bloodwork and other tests and she had a bacterial infection in her intestines. At one point in the day it looked as though she might have had pancreatitis which would have been very serious but she didn’t, however the infection and the high anxiety she has been having here have caused her terrible distress. One of her new medications, or rather a prescription that she took that was lost in the fire that they couldn’t get in pill form and it had to be compounded in a liquid was giving her diarrhea and everything was all thrown off with the medication. Everything together was making her anxiety get much worse. Nicole brought her back to me at 7 Wednesday night with 3 kinds of medication, one of which is xanax that she is to take 2-3 times a day at double the dose that had been tried before, antibiotics, anti-nausea medication because she felt so sick she was drooling a lot, and she had been getting lethargic. They sent special food that would be easier on her digestive tract. I thanked Nicole profusely for getting her there for me and settled in with the new routine of meds. It has taken 2 days but today she seems to be starting to getting better.

The last 2 days I have been doing Reiki with Delilah and holding her or she has laid right next to me on a pillow so that I could keep my hand on her abdomen with my fingers all the way down to her groin applying light pressure. Doing the Reiki and then the warmth of my hand and pressure helped her spastic tummy relax and she slept. As soon as I took my hand away she would start to cry so the last 2 days has been all of the other tasks of taking caring of Scarlet the grey parrot, getting everybody in and out several times a day, doing meds and feeding them all, and the rest of the time holding tiny Delilah in my arms like a baby, doing Reiki, and healing touch. She is sleeping now with her brothers on the bed with me and I am not needing to keep my hand on her tummy all of the time except when her xanax starts to wear off. But she is better today for the first time not crying all day. I am sitting here on the bed in our hotel room so tired my insides feel tired, that kind of thing were all of your internal organs and your eyeballs and everything else just ache with tiredness, but we are okay, we are getting through.

I saw the above quote this morning and it resonated with me so deeply and seemed to sum up this very difficult time in my life. And it lined up with something that my doctor said to me on the phone yesterday which made me feel good. She said that she was amazed and so proud of me for the way I was handling all of this. Yes, the fire and it’s aftermath but more to the point the things that she has to constantly work with me on and prescribe medication for, my bi polar disorder, a severe anxiety disorder, and agoraphobia were things that, she said, have caused many people to not be able to cope at all during a tragedy like we have been through. But deep down inside of me my mindfulness practice was humming keeping me going somehow, and you do what you have to do to keep going. I have indeed prayed to have the wherewithal to keep up with everything that came my way because there is just so much and will be for some time, but I am coping one step, one moment, one day at a time, and truly, no matter what is going on, that is all you can do, and broken down in tiny increments, and taking them one at a time, anything can be managed. I truly believe this, I always have, but this is has been a profound test of all that I believe, and teach, a litmus test of the benefit of mindfulness to help one through all circumstances in life. It has proven to be my saving grace.

We are now in our last 2 days in the hotel. Sunday morning we move into the rental house and it will be a relief but I am also a bit afraid. This has become a nest, if stressful, and the agoraphobic part of me dreads making yet another move, but it is the next step and we will make it. Until then I will take tender care of tiny Delilah and the others and get what rest I can. There are miracles in all of this, and I will come out on the other side of this experience a very changed woman. Until then I have my work cut out for me, and despite hard days here and there I now know I am up to the task.

Blessings and Love to one and all…