“ . . . discernment in this tradition is more like a spiraling inward and a deep attentiveness to what is happening in the moment rather than a clear-cut path. We have to let go of the map and directions and move slowly inward, circling and waiting.”
Christine Valters Painter, PhD
 The Soul’s Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred

I’m not certain what will happen this month, the month of my 67th birthday on the 30th, and how fitting that my birthday is on the last day of the month so that I can have traveled the whole spiral journey, circling ever inward, and seeing what I discover along the way. What do I imagine will happen? Simply put, everything. But like a sea creature through which the water flows into, through, and out, taking in just the nutrients it needs, I will allow things to flow through me and around me and see, perhaps for the very first time, what bits of the vast cosmos that flow through are the ones I want to keep to sustain my life. It will not be like anything that I have ever experienced before. Having entered “The Golden Years” a time of the deepening of the wisdom gained through a lifetime, and the expanding understanding of the world of spirit in all forms all around me I am now open to being led to the next stage of my earthly journey. It is coming through the messages I receive when I am writing, making art, when I am tending my animal companions inside and the wildlings outside, and in the garden which is the holiest place in my life, where I can be grounded in the lessons of the earth and the natural world. There is nothing to fear about growing older, it is the deepest, most powerful time of my life.

I am not imagining that there will be great dramatic shifts, but a gentle flow through me, a taking in, and letting go, taking in, and letting go, so that by month’s end I will have a better idea about what direction my life should take. I don’t mean that I will then be leading a completely different life, I will be continuing the work I am doing, but I believe I will have a deeper understanding, a clarity about what it all means. I have had all the elements of my work close at hand but been unable to see the direction it should take. I believe that this month it will become a time as if looking through the viewfinder of a camera and adjusting the focus to get a clearer image. I want to see clearly, and there are already intimations of the changes that will need to be made. I am ready to make the changes but I am afraid. I will take this month to find my way, and I will discuss it with my Patrons on Patreon for feedback on my changing vision. They are good and true guides for me, caring, compassionate, and as always others can see things that you cannot when you are in the middle of it. My community at Patreon are my supporters not just financially but emotionally, spiritually, and in all ways. I love them so dearly, and know very well the blessing they are in my life. I thank them and hold them in my heart and prayers every single day.

It is Easter Sunday as I write this and for all of you who celebrate this sacred time I wish you all good blessings, peace, and joy. I was raised Catholic, left the church as an adult, have studied many religions, have been a student of Buddhism for 40 years, was ordained an Interfaith minister and I have learned much through all of these traditions but I no longer have a need or a desire to be part of an organized religion to be close to God and all that is holy, and yet these days leading up to Easter, and Easter Sunday itself, are in many ways the most deeply potent times of the year. Whether you look at it from a religious perspective, or a metaphorical journey, if you have any kind of spiritual perspective on life these days cannot help but touch you. I was quiet, very quiet, and spent much of Good Friday in meditation and prayer. We, too, die on a cross in many ways in our lives, and like the Phoenix crashing and burning and rising again, we, too, have times of resurrection. This is an incredibly holy day and I feel close to tears and a bit overwhelmed as to what these days, this yearly journey, have meant to me, and to people around the world. This is a time of new beginnings, renewal, a chance to make peace with our sins, forgive ourselves as Christ forgave us, make amends where needed, and embrace the new life that we are offered today on Easter Sunday. I want to say more but at this moment I feel it so deeply in my body, all the way down to my toes, that there are tears in my eyes.

How will I celebrate this holy day? Alone, if you can call living with a darling little one-eyed girl who lives in my lap, a pair of parakeets who have mated and are about to lay eggs so that within 6 weeks or so there will be a number of parakeet babies who have joined the ranks at Dragonfly Cottage, I have cleaned the deck, as I do daily, because there are 5 very large bird feeders that hang just outside my studio windows, a very large flat feeder I created a couple of years ago for the countless squirrels who visit, and now a raccoon, a possum, and perhaps more little creatures than I know, well, can you call this alone? I think we are only truly alone when we close ourselves off to connections to all sentient beings, and they are always all around us no matter our circumstances. They are all welcome here. All feeders are kept clean and filled, a very large pot of fresh water always out for them, and one of the great blessings is that they are so used to me out there that I can sit in my big rocking chair, and perhaps have a cup of coffee or tea or glass of wine, and just sit quietly and watch them. They come to the feeders all around me now, even as I sit there, a chickadee, one of my most beloved birds, almost landed on me a few days ago, the sweet mourning doves love the squirrel feeder because they are ground feeders and it is flat. They are a beautiful sight to watch. And there are scores of cardinals, our state bird, and a great many live in these woods surrounding Dragonfly Cottage. Many of them are daily at the feeders and last year I had the absolute delight of watching 2 little cardinal parents and their 3 babies sitting smack dab in the middle of the squirrel feeder. The parents were teaching them about eating the seed, and shortly thereafter the parents flew up to a line just above the feeder and watched their babies eating on their own. It was a marvel to see. Before long the parents swooped down to the babies and off they all went. How could I possibly call this alone? I am in the middle of so much life.

And so it is a day of silence, solitude, celebration and communion with the animals inside and out, the natural world with all of her gifts, the garden, writing to all of you, which I have been doing for hours and hours in bits and pieces because this post was too important to me not to move slowly through the writing of it. I want to reach you, touch you, hold your hand, be with you in prayer, and quiet hours, and sacred times. And, let me make this clear. Every day, every moment is sacred time. and so now I return to circling and waiting, I am anxious, excited, and afraid. I know that by the end of this month when I turn 67 something significant will have shifted and changed. I am ready. And now, after I publish this post, I will sit outside on the deck while Molly frolics around the yard and the birds come to and fro at the feeders and squirrels perch high in the trees above the deck waiting for me to go inside so that they may eat in peace. We will all find peace today, we will celebrate all that is, in this moment and the ones beyond.

May all beings be blessed…