A Tiny Bit Of Christmas Cheer Day 9…

You Are Not Alone

Dear Ones,

What I want you to know, most of all, right now, in this moment, is that I am very aware, I am aware from the bottom of my aching heart, that we all, no matter what inspiring quotes like the one above say, feel, all too often, desperately alone. I grew up an only child but in an extended family that was very close, a grand old Irish clan. I married and had 3 children and in-laws and extended family, and yet, all throughout my life I felt very alone, the odd one that never fit in. My most vivid memory of a lifetime of imagining what I really felt like was as a little girl, with her nose pressed to a window, looking in at the happy family inside, but never belonging. Even when I had my own family, all of whom I loved with all my heart. I was adopted, and I imagined the “real” blood family all were woven together as families are, but I was an add-on, not part of the real blood family. It was more painful than I know how to express, but I think, I believe, I know, at 66, having spoken to a great many people in private work, that no matter what the circumstance you grew up in, blood family or no, that you may have felt like the one who didn’t fit what looked like the happy cookie cutter family you never believed you were really a part of. And the thing is, dear ones, more of us felt that way than we would ever have guessed — in our isolation and pain we felt that we were the only ones — and no matter how alone we felt, no matter how hard our families may have tried to extend love and a sense of belonging to us, one of the greatest mysteries of the world is that it is the hardest gift to accept and few believe it. And yet I am here to tell you, with a heart overflowing with love and finally knowing the truth, you are not alone, and you never were.

Here is the thing that I want you to understand, something that I have only begun to understand into my seventh decade on this earth, something, truly, we only learn late in life and maybe not at all, that “belonging” has nothing to do with your family, or your friends. Belonging has to do with the fact that you are a living, breathing, energetically alive being on this earth. And energy is a fluid, connected, entity. This is a bit too philosophical to accept when we are feeling so lonely we feel we might die of that aching loneliness, but my brothers and sisters I am here to tell you that we are indeed — pardon the so often used line that it is practically in tatters and hard to believe at all — all one. If you were a scientist you would believe it simply from the point of view that matter is all connected. From each of us to the farthest star and back again. It’s okay if you don’t understand it. I surely don’t, but I know it is the truth, in a way so far beyond my capability to understand it my eyes cross and my brain goes all googly trying to grasp its meaning, and yet my heart understands, and knows, and believes.

I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, and it doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman, or where you live, or how much money you have, or what your status is in the world, in the end we are all connected, firing, explosive bits of energy, holding hands, from right where we are to the farthest reaches of the universe to the little old lady next door. And this — this is the most important thing to know and to remember — is the one truth. Every single thing you do, think, and say, is felt by every living being on this earth and to the far reaches of the galaxy, because we are all one, and the smallest thing that we do matters far beyond anything we will ever know or realize.

I am a 66 year old woman. I live alone with my little dog and my 2 parakeets. Most days I don’t see or speak to anyone. I live in a simple little cottage and I don’t have much money, but let me tell you this, I am so filled with love, I care so much, and I so deeply believe everything that I have written here that even though some days I wake up so afraid I can’t breathe I know, I know to the bottom of my being, that I am held up by a web of spirits so much bigger, and more extensive, and far reaching than me, a web of living entities beyond anything I will ever, in this lifetime, see or understand, that I get up each day and do what I can in an attempt to give back to those who hold me up, and who need a bit of kindness and love to hold them up in return.

What I want you to know is that when I write these posts I am writing them in the spirit of all that I have written above. I don’t really understand the grand picture but I know it exists, I would stake my life on it, indeed I have. In lieue of doing other things that might provide more sorely needed income the work that I do is beyond what I may see in this lifetime, but my goal, my deepest longing, is to reach out to others with a message of love, to say to you, and your neighbor, and someone on the other side of the world, to every man, woman, and child of every color and every sexual orientation, to the beings in the deepest reaches of space and time beyond my knowing, that I, a 66 year old disabled, but joyful woman, with a small dog in my lap, care enough to spend the precious moments of my life reaching out, because, like the reverberations on a spider’s delicate web, I know that every single one of us, with every action we take, affects the whole.

It is in this spirit that I send this post to you. My heart is bursting with love. If I could hold you in my arms I would, and I would rock you, and bury my nose in your neck, breathing warmly, and whispering in your ear, “I love you.”

In my life spreading this love is the most important thing that I do. It is what I have to give. I hope that you will receive it in the spirit in which it was sent, and I hope you will pass it on. And I wish for you and yours a holiday season filled with light and love, and I hope for you blessings in abundance.

May all beings be blessed. May all that we are light the way for others. May every act that we do be infused with a sense of loving and connecting. May we each hold hands, energetically, across the world. May we never forget that every breath we take, every act we make, touches the whole world.

We are not alone, we are never alone, I am with you. Do you feel me?

Happy Holidays & Much Love…