This will not be a long entry.
This is the kind of day, in order to chart the journey of a year, I need to just stand up here and tell the truth. Some days that’s the only thing we can do and the one thing we must do.
I will not miss a day doing this. I promised myself that at the outset. But I also knew that there would be days when I would be very, very tired, when my brain would do it’s dance and stitching words on the page would not work. I keep having to rip my stitches out and sit with thread in one hand looking at the limp fabric in the other.
Being mindful is taking care of oneself, being fully present to what is. I have struggled today, and now it is very late and I’m still trying. It’s too late and I’m too tired, and my eyes hurt. A lot.
Today let the record show that I showed up. I feel kind of shy, and disappointed with myself but I showed up. That’s important to me. And I want you to know that it’s important for you too. You have to take care of yourself, and you should never feel ashamed of saying, No, not today, I cannot do this today.
That is how I am being mindful. I am going to turn off the computer and rest. I hope wherever you are you are taking care of yourself too. Let us be very gentle with ourselves, very kind, compassionate.
It’s okay to just be here for a moment. I just wanted to see you, and say that.
I showed up. I was here. There is forward movement, and that is enough for today…
Blessings and love to you all…
Maitri,
You’re in my thoughts and prayers!
hugs,
Margaretha
Maitri,
This is one of the most important lessons. One cannot care for others with out caring for one’s self. My love to you. Come join me in my corner.
Dear Sweet Margaretha and Raven, you are both so very dear…
Coming here and finding you both waiting for me has been such a comfort. I will absolutely not miss a single day. This is important for me, even if I have to write a brief post like I did last night. But it is hard for me. Still it pains me not to be able to do what I think I should, I feel shy, and embarrassed, but my work, I believe, most of all, as a teacher which is what I most deeply am, is to show up, no matter what, so that others can see that this is true for them.
We all must care so tenderly for one another. Life is not an easy journey even with the joys, the delights, and the little miracles of which there are many, but when we show up, just that, just show up, there is grace in that. For me, coming to the computer kind of teary and a little shaky and not having slept well, and one of the days when I feel a little afraid and overwhelmed, to find loving notes of support from two dear friends, that is my gift today, and it means more than you could possibly know, and I can’t thank you enough.
I am sending you both so much love, and deep gratitude…
Maitri
Bless you Maitri. I understand totally the need to care for oneself. I will confess the last couple months I have been struggling trying to convince my doctor that my complaints and concerns were not “just my age” or “depression.” I knew something was definitely wrong. Finally tests revealed a parathyroid growth and then two thyroid growths. Biopsies revealed all are benign – surgery is scheduled for Nov. 19th. I so understand being so tired that the brain won’t work any better than the body. (I was becoming so absent-minded at only 66 that I feared I was following my mother’s path into dementia. Horror!!!) My thoughts and prayers are with you and I so admire your courage in fighting on. Tomorrow will be a better day. Please know that you have been a huge inspiration in these days for me. Giving myself permission to just be has helped imensely. I have vowed not to “should” on myself. I see you have too.
I love how you are so gentle with yourself and others. I want to be like you when I grow up. Sending you loving hugs, my friend.
Dearest Maitri…this is the best lesson yet in mindfulness…self care and the ability to say no…something I am working on, thank you for validating yourself, in doing so you validated my own feelings!
Showing up is rather fine all else is window dressing without that showing up. Glad you have let yourself off the should hook and given your self some TLC. Being there for your self is huge and certainly best place to show up. Take care.
Dear Maitri,
Continue to be gentle with yourself, and mindful, and listen to what your body and mind are telling you. Don’t do more than you feel you can, I love to see even if you’ve just said Hello and then rest. <3 We all have days like that…some of us have a very great many of them. ((((hugs))))
Oh Paula honey I am so sorry that you are going through all of this but so happy to hear that they were benign. Doctors need to listen to their patients more. A patient knows their own body better than any doctor ever will, and knows when something isn’t right. In any event I am glad things are moving along in a positive vein now. It will all be over soon.
And I know so well all that you speak of. If you find peace and comfort here it is I who am blessed and thank you so much for sharing with me. It means more than you could possibly know.
Take care dearheart, and know that you are not alone, and that you are loved.
Blessings,
Maitri
Noni honey you are so sweet, thank you, and aw honey, don’t grow up, you’re so much fun THIS way! 😀
Hugs,
Maitri
Teresa honey, thank you so much for visiting again and sharing with me, and yes, it is so important. I think this is one of the marvelous things about blogging. I write the post but then I get so much warm, loving, supportive feedback and if something I write helps someone it gives me great joy. Validate! It will change your life…
Love,
Maitri
Oh Daisy-Winifred it is SO good to see you honey. I was just so happy to see your name here. And I love that, “the should hook.” I will remember that!
I hope all is well with you dearheart. Take care and come back again soon…
Love,
Maitri
Deana honey, thank you so much I am so deeply moved by everyone’s kind responses. The interesting thing is this post, the one that I have worried about because it was just a brief touch base post is the one that has gotten the most responses of all. The kindness and support you all are showing me, well, it’s just a greater gift than you can possibly realize.
Take care of yourself honey. I am sending you so much love…
Maitri