The day after Christmas

Christmas Day has come and gone. We had an absolutely lovely time with all the kids and their families in, the delight of the babies, the warmth of family brought together once again, it is everything I could have dreamed of and more. Now it is the day after Christmas, the kids and grandkids will all be in for a few days and they all went out to do fun things with the little ones this morning and the two littlest babies are taking naps now. For me it is a very quiet, peaceful day. I will join them all for dinner at 6 but until then there is just that feeling once you’ve come through the big day, everything has gone well, it’s over and there is just a kind of sweet peace between Christmas and New Year’s Eve — the in-between days when everyone can relax and rest a bit with the holiday behind us.

I am having coffee with my darling pugs sleeping and snoring around me, and there is a constant stream of all kinds of birds coming and going at the feeders just outside my windows, and the darling squirrels too. It is a time as the matriarch of the clan to sit and watch all the young people joyously being together and having that deep sense of love watching them all together as they once were growing up but now with families of their own. I think it is one of the sweetest things in the world. The next few days will be spent in cheerful gatherings, hugs, watching the babies play, and just really taking the time in deeply so that it may never be forgotten. One learns, as they get older, that things can change radically from one year to the next. One who was with us last Christmas and has been with us for nigh on two decades was not here this year and there were awkward, hard, sad moments even though it was a lovely Christmas. There’s no telling what the next Christmas may bring and it’s certainly not time to worry about it now. Now is the time to weave the present times into our hearts so they will be with us forever. That’s just what I am doing today.

Oh, a moment of sadness just kind of swept through me. Is it the holiday blues? Is it time passing too quickly? Is it that lull that comes between the old year and the new? Is it that ache seeing the wonder of us all together and knowing that it will be over in a flash and it will be months before we see the out-of-towners again? It is all of that, and mostly it is the inner struggle to stay in the present moment, a time when one can easily go off course and must constantly try to take a firm hold of one’s inner rudder and steer out of the past and the future and head back to the present moment? It takes a tremendous strength of will this time of year to do just that. I am struggling with it all in this moment but I will get a grip. Some days, as they say, the struggle is real.

I think I must stop here. I think that I must just be in this day. I think I will take the dogs out and then come back in and take a nap with them before it’s time to meet everyone for dinner. And I think it is the right time, if I’m going to shed a tear or two, to do it alone with the pugs. I will not show any of this to my dear ones. It is time, at this point in life, for me to be someone to count on, not to worry about, and that’s who I will be. That’s what I want to be. My own sadnesses about the holidays are mine to bear. It is only joy that I want with my children and grandchildren.

I hope you made it through the holiday with an easy heart dear ones, at least with a heart that could bear what it must bear. It is a new day, keep your hand firmly on the rudder and keep steering back to the present moment. If we can do this, we will make it just fine.

With tender love,