Our Adult Children

My middle child, Rachel, and I when we
went to the movies yesterday!

I cannot write about my children without thinking about the poem that I have held in my heart since before I became a mother in 1977. It is Kahlil Gibran, from his amazing book, The Prophet, “On Children.” Everyone should have a copy of this book, should read it and study it and know it. Listen to this…

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

And I was saying to a friend this morning that when I was a young mother I loved my babies so much and it made me so sad how fast they were growing, I loved the days with the little ones so much, but all too soon it seems they are teens, then off to college, and then married and yes, having children of their own. Where do the years go?

But the amazing thing to me is that as much as I loved my babies, Jennifer Elizabeth (Born 1/30/77), Rachel Noelle (Born 12/16/79), and Aaron Michael (Born 6/2/83), I love them even more, now. I am so proud of the adults they have grown into, the people they have become. And they all have children, I am a grandmother to 4 boys from 18 months to 13 years old, and oh my, that’s a whole ‘nother post, the joys of being a grandmother! Rachel is my only child who lives here, Jenny is in Chicago with her family and Aaron in Atlanta with his, but the out-of-towners will be here for Christmas and I am almost out of my mind with joy! Christmas with all the children and their children is such a tremendous joy and seeing the babies open their presents just makes the day.

And one of the things I count among my greatest blessings is that I have at least one child who lives here. I get to spend a lot of time with Rachel, and share her life with her. As I said in the post yesterday we get together almost weekly and we watch our favorite show, “This Is Us.” And yesterday we went to the movies to see the new movie, “Lady Bird,” it was charming, and when she got there I said, “Look! A Photo Booth! We HAVE to do it!” And she said yes! And it was so much fun. And it’s nice because they make 2 identical strips of photos so you can each have one. I have mine hanging here from my desk light so I can look at it all the time.

And the thing is, throughout life you will see your adult children go through all manner of experiences, the great joys, the babies, their work, their sorrows, and more, and you will soar with them through the joys and you will be present for them to help in any way possible during the hard times, but we must remember that we are here as parents of adults to be present, and loving, and supportive, but that they are “The sons and daughters of life longing for itself… they come through us, not to us…” We are a witness to their lives, and though we would love to be very close and in the middle of everything this is not possible. Present and loving, in any way we can be, that’s our job, nothing more, nothing less. I am here, I adore them, I watch in wonder as they create their own lives, do good work in the world, and triumph over the hard times. I want to make everything perfect for them all the time but I can’t, that is not my job, as hard as that is at times, I can only be here and love them, and I love them to the moon and back and more.

Yesterday was such a sweet day with Rachel, and oh I’m so excited I’m about to pop knowing that in just about 3 weeks or so the other kids and their families will be here. This is Christmas to me, family, not the presents and all the flashy things, my children and their families, and love, and kissing and squeezing all the grands, and just being together.

Being a mother is the most important thing to me in my life, I am richly blessed by my children and their children and their families. This Christmas season as I count all of my many blessings these are the ones I count first and most and I thank God for them every day.

May you and yours have a wonderful holiday season. And hug them tight, and kiss and squeeze the babies, and love them fiercely, no matter where life has brought them, and celebrate all that they are, all that they have become. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are Christmas is about a new baby born to loving parents in a very humble setting. It is about family, it is about love, and I wish all of you the most joyous, love-filled Christmas ever. And if you don’t have children perhaps you can “adopt” a lonely child who needs an Auntie or Uncle, or Grandma or Grandpa. Reach out to the children and you will be in touch, once again, with the meaning of this holiday. And there are wonderful charities that make Christmas for children and families that otherwise wouldn’t have one. Even donating to them can make your Christmas more special.

Each one, reach one, and love, always love. May you be richly blessed this Christmas, and always…