The Experiment: Day 35 ~ What If, Here and Now, As I Am, I Am Enough?

Wow. Just wow. I got on the scale this morning and weighed 316.4 pounds. That is down 16.6 pounds in 2 weeks. Today starts week 3 on the keto diet. I am so excited I am about to pop. Every day is an adventure, and, amazingly, every day my coffee tastes a little bit better. I have hit a tipping point, which for me means my body is letting go of the sugar craving. I haven’t had any sugar in almost 3 weeks. It is a real battle giving it up, but I tell you what, it’s just as I said to my friend Joan this morning. I remember when I went to Weight Watchers all those times, something that they said that’s always stuck with me, “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” Well I don’t know that I will ever qualify as truly thin, it’s not even my goal, but I know I will end up weighing a whole lot less. And more than anything, like the Weight Watcher’s saying, and even though I am only at the beginning of my journey, I feel so much better, both physically and mentally, better than I’ve felt in remembered time, better than I ever thought I’d feel, that I am in awe. And I know something for sure, that I must completely love and accept myself, as I am, each and every day, every step of the way, no matter how far I’ve come on the weight loss journey, because I am taking care of me, I am loving me, in a way I haven’t in my whole adult life. There has been a miracle, and I am grateful for it every moment of the day.

I cannot tell you how much this writing every day, committing to 365 days of this writing, has shaped this journey of mine. I started with no thought of keto whatsoever. I just wanted to feel better, physically and emotionally. I was doing and continue to do all kinds of self care practices, looking for paths to happiness, even searching for happiness in the tiny moments. And one day I finally faced my weight and poor diet and thought, “If I could do something about that I would feel so much better, I would be happier, I could maybe even reconnect with my body, learn to be comfortable in my own skin.” And it’s happening. It is starting to happen. First I eliminated sugar. The next week I went on the keto diet after reading a lot about it and talking to my therapist about it. 2 weeks in my life is changing. It won’t be long now until I am under 300 pounds. I haven’t seen a weight in the 200’s in a very long time. Hot damn diggety dog I’m on my way and it won’t be long now!

Inotherwords I know that this blog — and I’ve been blogging nearly 20 years — and writing, is a powerful act of transformation. I taught journal classes for nearly 40 years and saw lives transformed through writing. Now I am transforming mine. I encourage you to take up a practice, in a journal, on a blog, and commit to it. Imagine what you could do in one year? I don’t know what your goals are in life, they’re different for each of us of course, but you could get a long way toward reaching your goals if you started now, today, do a 365 day challenge on your blog maybe, and if you do tell me about it so I can follow you and cheer you along.

And the amazing thing about the ketogenic diet is that it doesn’t take very long, even if you’ve got a long way to go weight-wise as I do, to feel radically different. I said to my daughter Rachel this morning that — after having had a habit of a glass or two of wine every night — I could no more drink a glass of wine now, no, and it’s not just because I’m not supposed to, the very thought of it is almost abhorrent. As all the toxins leave my body and my palate changes — and as I said it happens quickly if you give up all the bad stuff and are strict about it — the changes that happen are almost miraculous. It is certainly a miracle in my life. And also, as I said to Rachel, there’s no chance of me going back. Go back to what? I have read too much, studied too much, and experienced such significant changes in my body that I just couldn’t put the things in my mouth that I used to. The whole mountain would crumble. My mental state would collapse. I would feel terrible about myself. I feel good now, and better every day, and I doubt that you’ll hear one more word about the “sugar in my coffee” issue. I realize now that it was all part of the sugar addiction, and letting go, and it takes awhile. My life is changing in every way, it is just like that moment in The Wizard of Oz where everything changes from black and white to full color. I never knew there were so many colors in the world!

I am taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time, one bite or sip at a time, and the thing is, the changes happening because of keto are making other, completely unrelated, changes happen in my life. When you start to feel good about yourself, gain confidence in yourself, when you really start to love yourself, the domino effect happens. You know what I’m going to do today? I am going to start a new, private, Pinterest board. It is going to be a kind of vision board really, about the life I want to have, the clothes I want to wear when I lose the weight, I feel giddy and giggly and just so excited. And if you’d like to follow me on Pinterest I have a HUGE Pinterest page, over 22,000 followers there, and in the top row on my page is a board called “Eating Keto” if you are interested in the recipes I’m using, and so forth. I’ll tell you a little secret. The board I am going to draw from is one of my favorite boards, it is about dressing in the Bohemian style, my preferred way of dressing, something that hasn’t been possible for me in a long time but which will be possible for me one day. The way I feel right now the sky is the limit! There’s no stopping me now. And I love myself completely, as I am, right here, right now, in this moment. My! I am just a splendid human being! And you know what? You are too!

Make a commitment to yourself today, take the first baby steps toward your secret dream. It’s all baby steps! Do it however it works for you if blogging isn’t your thing but do it. If not, why not? If not now, when? You will hear me say that often, it’s what I live by, it’s what’s driving me. I think my treat to myself, one day, for losing all the weight, might be to have those two little phrases tattooed on my body. There’s no time like the present. Onwards and Upwards!

Much sincere love to all…

 


The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: 
Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda